


Aftermath

by LittleSnow



Series: Reckless [2]
Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Batman - All Media Types, The Dark Knight (2008)
Genre: Blackmail, Blood and Violence, Crimes & Criminals, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Hurt, Obsessive Behavior, Pain, Psychological Trauma, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Torture, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2019-09-20 17:29:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 49,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17026998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSnow/pseuds/LittleSnow
Summary: After being dealt the worst hand of cards, the only thing Nora can choose is how to play with them.





	1. Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel so you should definitely read "I'll Show You" first, if you haven't already.  
> Hope you enjoy!

‘ **O** k, everybody up!’

I stretch my legs and get up quietly

‘ **I** ’ll see you all next week !’ The male voice shouts right behind my back.

I grab my bag and put on my shoes as fast as possible.

A few months ago, I decided to take self-defense classes, hoping it'd boost my confidence. I knew coming back here and continue with my life wouldn’t be easy but I wasn’t prepared for this. _Nowhere feels safe_. A noise, a stare, anything will set me off panicking. I don’t ever let my guard down and I’m starting to feel mentally drained. The voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

‘ **Y** ou did well, Nora.’

I turn around, putting my bag over my shoulder and meet Pedro’s eyes. He’s not much taller than me, a dimple on his left cheek and his narrow eyes seem too far apart. His mother knows Rose, but we had never met before. He’s been teaching martial arts for almost ten years and when my aunt heard he was looking for people to attend his new self-defense classes, she immediately mentioned it to me. I was initially reluctant, as I didn’t want to be around too many people who would recognize me and talk about me, but Pedro’s been good. I know he knows everything that happened to me, but he’s never asked any question or made me feel uncomfortable. _I wish I could say the same about the other people here_ _.._

‘ **Y** ou know it’s Mary’s birthday tonight,’ he continues, while crouching and lacing his shoes, ‘Are you coming?’

_Well... Obviously, I wasn’t invited._

‘ **Y** eah, I know,’ I lie evasively, ‘but I won’t be able to make it.’

He purses his lips and gets back up. After looking over his shoulder, making sure the other ones can’t hear him, he looks back at me.

‘ **T** hey didn’t invite you?’ he guesses, raising one eyebrow.

I look at the group of girls, walking out of the building, bursts of laughter still echoing in the room.

‘ **N** o,’ I admit with a shrug.

He lets an impatient sigh out, but I immediately cut him off.

‘ **L** ook, it doesn’t matter. To be honest, I wouldn’t go anyway.’

‘ **N** ora, you can’t alw-...’

‘ **I** have to go,’ I interrupt him, already walking off to the exit. ‘I’ll see you later!’

I know he’s only trying to be nice, but I don’t need his pity right now. I push the door open and quickly run across the road. I thought that being called the poor orphan in town was bad but I didn’t realize that, one day, I’d miss it. At least people had a kind of pitying respect for me, now… it’s gone. Of course, I’ve not shown my face too much but I’ve felt the looks at work, I’ve heard the whispers. _The Clown’s girlfriend, that’s all I am now. I don’t know how I was portrayed in the news- I had to stop myself from checking- but I assume it wasn’t glorious._ It’s been months now, they eventually got bored and started spreading rumors about other people, but nobody really wants to be seen with me. _Fair enough._

I look over my shoulder when I hear footsteps following closely behind me. My heart slows down a bit when I see two schoolgirls walking rapidly, their hands shoved in their pockets.

I quicken my pace and reach our street. Thankfully, the house is not far now. As I get closer, my eyes roam the street, ready to take off running if I see anything suspicious.

When we got back from Gotham, we went to live with Jen, my aunt’s best friend, for five months, until things settled down. I figured if the Joker sent someone to the house, it’d be better if it was empty. But nothing happened. I know Rose keeps an eye on Gotham news but I don’t. I’ve tried to stay away from anything Gotham related… for my own sanity.

I still dream about him most nights, I don’t think that’s going to stop any time soon. I try to act as normal as possible because I don’t want Rose to worry about me when she should focus on herself. I’m completely lost though, everybody around me has their lives figured out, a family, a purpose but my life seems to be going in circles.

I unlock the front door and quickly slip into the house before shutting the door with a sigh of relief. _I hate being out._ When I see the messy kitchen and a pot of half-cooked pasta, I drop my bag on the floor.

‘ **R** ose ?’ I shout in the hallway.

‘ **U** p here, honey !’ She replies from upstairs.

When I enter the bedroom, I find her lying in bed, a wet flannel on her forehead.

‘ **M** igraine ?’ I guess.

She opens her eyes and drops the flannel on her nightstand. Her damp, black hair is stuck to her skin and she looks very pale.

‘ **I** was cooking and it just sneaked up on me. I had to lie down, sorry about the mess downstairs,’ she sighs, propping up her pillow.

‘ **I** told you to rest, I can cook and look after the house,’ I sigh and sit on her bed, staring at the floor.

_I hate seeing her like this. I hate being completely powerless_. I flinch when I feel her hand holding mine and I force a smile on my face.

‘ **N** ora, we need to talk about something,’ she starts and her face grows serious.

I stand up almost immediately and her hand drops on the bed. I know she wants to talk to me, she’s been dropping hints for a few days now, but I’m not ready. _Whatever she has to say, I’m not ready to hear it._

‘ **I** ’ll finish dinner first, ok ?’ I clear my throat loudly. ‘What were you making ?’

She looks at me and I know she wants to say something else, but her expression quickly changes and she smiles.

‘ **Y** our favorite.’

I go down the stairs with a blank face and I head to the kitchen, closing the door quietly. My throat is so tight, I can barely breathe and a few tears slip from my eyes. _I’m not ready to be alone_. I let a shaky breath out and finish preparing the meal, an occasional tear rolling down.

Rose ends up falling asleep so I eat alone, saving some of the food for her in the fridge before locking myself in my bedroom. That’s something I do every night and I know it’s weird, but that’s the only way I can fall asleep.

I turn my head on the pillow and gaze at the dark sky through the window. _Nothing’s changed_. I thought, and naively so, that coming back here would be good for me, that I would finally feel like myself again… but I’m waiting, and I only feel worse. _I’ve tried though_. I work the morning shift at a bookstore, and I go to the self-defense classes every Thursdays. It might not seem like a lot, but if I was listening to myself I’d never go out. Even before learning about Rose’s illness, I was already slowly sinking into a pit of boredom and depression. Before Gotham, I wanted to start studying again and even working at a bookstore wouldn’t have been so bad, but now… _it all seems dull._

Sitting on my nightstand, the teddy bear is staring at me with one eye and I sigh deeply, pulling the sheets up to my chin.

_______________________

After my shift at the shop, I catch a bus back home but I freeze when I notice a red sedan in our driveway. _I’ve never seen the car before_. I furrow my brows and my heart starts beating fast. If I was listening to my inner voice, I’d probably hide behind a tree and see what happens, but Rose is in the house anyway so I continue walking. As I’m approaching the gate, the front door suddenly opens and Rose walks out followed by someone else. I let out a silent sigh when I recognize Jen, a large smile on her face.

‘ **N** ora !’ She approaches me with outstretched arms. ‘A quick kiss.’

She gives me a tight hug, followed by two loud smacks on my cheeks.

‘ **N** ew car ?’ I ask, pointing at the green vehicle.

She shakes her head, her red curls bouncing on her shoulders.

‘ **O** h no, that’s a rental, mine’s in the shop. I always have problems with that old wreck.’ She sighs. ‘I’ll see you both later!’

She quickly gets in her car and Rose waves at her, before wrapping an arm around my shoulder and walking back to the house.

‘ **J** en took me to the last doctor’s appointment,’ she says softly, shutting the door behind us.

I frown and step away from her to take my jacket off.

‘ **W** hat do you mean “last” appointment ?’ I ask, following her in the kitchen.

She ignores me, or she didn’t hear me, but she gets two cups out of the cupboard and starts making tea, humming peacefully. I sit down and my throat gets tighter. _I don’t like this._

‘ **D** o you remember that farmhouse we used to go when you were little?' she finally breaks the silence, handing me a cup.

I sigh, trying to get rid of the worried thoughts filling my mind.  
  
' **U** m… With the horses ?'  
  
' **Y** es.’ She shuffles through the drawers before sitting at the table. ‘Look what I found.’

She hands me a stained photo and my face brightens.

‘ **W** ow…’

I look at all of us posing in front of a massive house, green fields spreading behind us. My parents are standing in the middle, me and my sister on the left and Rose on the right, her arm around a man’s waist. I stare at the ugly flowery dress I was wearing and the toothy smile on my face. A pang of sadness twists my stomach and I focus on the man standing next to Rose.

‘ **I** remember him,’ I squint my eyes, his name on the tip of my tongue. ‘What was his name ?’

‘ **H** enry,’ she says with a smile, ‘I didn’t think you would remember him.’

‘ **I** do. I mean it’s just a blur now, but I remember we really liked him with Anne.’

‘ **O** h, he loved you both very much. Always showering you with gifts, especially chocolate,’ she giggles, gazing at the man on the photo, ‘It would drive your dad crazy. _They’re gonna have rotten teeth, Henry_!’ she imitates my dad’s voice.

‘ **Y** ou weren’t married to him ?’ I ask after taking a sip of the burning tea.

‘ **N** o,’ she replies and I see a glint of regret pass in her eyes. ‘He was my first love, you know. We were only fifteen when we used to sneak out and meet at the park. You remember gran and her strict rules? She never caught us, your dad used to cover for me,’ she laughs again.  
  
' **S** o what happened ?' I can’t help asking.

She sighs and drops the photo on the table.

' **H** e died from sepsis a year after the accident.'

A bitter feeling tightens my throat and I feel guilty. She had to deal with that loss by herself while looking after me.

' **I** 'm sorry,’ I almost whisper, avoiding her gaze, ‘Did you get over him? I mean … Did you fall in love with anyone else after him?’  
  
' **I** didn’t. I never dated again.’

‘ **N** ever?!’

She shakes her head and I nod a few times, taking another sip. I have no memories of Rose ever bringing a man in the house, but I just assumed she didn’t want me to meet them.

‘ **T** hat’s what I wanted to talk to you about, Nora. I want to go back there.’

I smile while she taps one finger against her cup.  
  
' **T** hat would be amazing. When are we going?'

Her eyes meet mine and I immediately read her mind. _No_ .  
  
' **I** 'm going alone, Nora,' she says, confirming my fear.

‘ **W** hat do you mean “alone” ?’ I ask weakly.

‘ **I** t’s time for me to leave you, Nora.’

‘ **W** hat… why ?’ I mutter, trying to process the information.

‘ **J** en is coming with me, she’ll be there if I need anything.’

_But what about me ?!_ I feel the tears filling my eyes and a dreadful feeling twists my heart. _Doesn’t she want me with her?_

‘ **A** nd you’re gonna stay there until, until…’

‘ **N** ora.’ She takes my hand across the table and I sniffle loudly. ‘That’s where I want to spend my last days, that’s where I want to be. Of course, I don’t want to leave you but I will and there’s nothing I can do about it. But we can choose to do it this way. Memories are everything. I want you to remember me the way I am now. Not dying in a bed.’'

‘ **B** ut I want to be there for you!’ I protest.  
  
' **Y** ou’ve been there for me. Who knows where I’d be now if I didn’t have to get my life together and look after you when you were six? It's time to live your life now, Nora.’ She shakes her head. ‘I see you every day and you’re unhappy. I don’t want to leave, knowing I made you go through months and months of pain. You’ve been around death too many times already. That’s the last gift you can give me. Be happy.’

_What am I supposed to do, live my life normally and pretend she isn’t dying ?!_ But I stay silent as she continues.

' **D** o what you want to do, for once. Don’t worry about anyone else. Enjoy yourself, travel the world. This house is yours now. And that's all it is, Nora. A house. If you want to keep it for yourself that's fine, if you want to sell it, that's fine too.  
  
She shakes her head, eyes glazed with tears.

‘ **G** od forbid, if you ever go back to this crazy city, and I mean Gotham, make sure you stay in touch with that Brandon, he seemed like a sweet boy. Let people in, Nora, don’t live the way I did.  
  
I frown in confusion.  
  
' **W** ho’s Brandon?'  
  
' **Y** our friend. I met him at the hospital, we had a brief chat.’

I blink a few times with a blank face.

‘ **T** all, handsome, expensive watch,’ she describes.

‘ **B** ruce?’

‘ **T** hat sounds better, yes. You know I’m not good with names.’  
  
' **I** had no idea you met him,’ I reply with a smile, ‘That “sweet boy” is Bruce Wayne, aunty, as in _Wayne_ Enterprises.'  
  
' **O** h.’ Her eyes suddenly light up. ‘ _Ohhh_.'

She starts chuckling but it turns into a fit of cough and my smile fades slowly.  
  
' **A** s I always tell you, Nora, don’t listen to these people out there and don’t let anyone change you.’  
  
I nod, chewing on my bottom lip until a metallic taste spreads over my tongue.  
  
' **W** hen are you leaving?'

She sighs heavily, wiping her damp forehead.  
  
' **N** ext month.'

My heart jumps in surprise. _She can’t be serious._

' **W** hat?!’ I finally react out loud. ‘There isn't enough time. You can’t just leave next month!’'  
  
' **Y** ou know how it is. There'll never be enough time.'

I push the cup away from me and get up.

‘ **N** ora, wait,’ she starts.

‘ **I** just need a moment… I’m-I’m ok,’ I say quietly, avoiding her eyes.

I quickly leave the kitchen, the old clock sounding eerily loud in the silent room.

*

I don’t think I can cry anymore so I just lie on my bed with my eyes wide open. _I understand why she wants to do this. I really do, but accepting it is hard_. _I’m scared to be alone_. I get another wave of overwhelming fear and I sit up, hands shaking. Even when I was alone in Gotham, my aunt was here. I knew that if I wanted to, I had somewhere, someone to come back to. _Soon, I’ll have no one._

*

_One month._

The best month I’ve had with my aunt. Everything she wanted to do, we’ve done it. Horse riding for a whole day, random picnics in the backyard, art workshop for a week. Despite my initial reluctance, I have to admit that it was the best thing to do. As she said herself, she’d rather spend a whole day enjoying herself than resting in bed for three days. _Resting for what, she said, scrape an extra month spent in bed?_

In a few weeks, she’ll be gone. And I’ll only be able to message or video call her. She calls it a “soft transition”.

I sigh and close the book I’ve been trying to read. My phone goes off and I glance at the screen. _Pedro_. I hear a car pulling up in front of the house, the headlights illuminating the ceiling for a few seconds. _Probably Jen coming for dinner._ I open the message.

_You didn’t show up yesterday... Everything okay? How’s your aunt?_

As I’m starting to type a reply, I get up to glance out the window. My eyes immediately widen and I drop the phone on the floor. My heart seems to stop as I’m staring at the person walking up our driveway. _It’s not Jen_. My feet seem glued to the floor and I feel like I can’t move. The sound of the doorbell gives me a buzz of adrenaline and I rush to the door. _No, no, no_. I swing the door open and as I’m about to tell Rose not to answer, I realize that the door is already open and she glances up at me from downstairs. I slowly shake my head with wide eyes but she doesn’t even notice it.

‘ **T** here she is !’ She smiles, completely oblivious to what she’s just done. ‘There’s someone for you, Nora.’

I feel sick and I can’t move for a few seconds, my hands gripping onto the wooden banister, knuckles already white. To my horror, Rose even steps aside and invites him in. I start walking down the stairs, almost certain that my legs are going to give out any minute. It’s only when I’ve reached the last step that I look at him in the eyes.

‘ **H** i, Nora.’

I barely blink, swallowing hard.

‘ **B** ill.’

His smug smile stretches and a glint of satisfaction appears in his stare. _He’s found me_. I force a smile on my face because I don’t want Rose to notice anything. If she knew who he was, she would never forgive herself for letting him in.

‘ **W** hat are you doing here ?’ I try my best to sound as casual as possible.

He squints and glances down at his watch.

‘ **I** t’s Friday, 6.30.’ The left corner of his lips slightly curls. ‘I believe we have a date.’

I purse my lips.

‘ **S** orry, I thought it was tomorrow,’ I finally say unapologetically.

He tilts his head to the side, a glint of amusement in his eyes.

‘ **W** e can postpone to tomorrow if you prefer,’ he suggests in a soft voice, ‘You know me, I’m patient.’

I clench my jaw, glaring at him.

‘ **Y** ou could join us for dinner?' Rose jumps in but she quickly glances at me, raising her hands, ‘I mean, it’s your choice, Nora.’

_How can I say no, now? What’s even the point?_ He looks at me with a smirk, waiting to see my reaction. I turn to him with my jaw still clenched and make the best attempt at a smile.

‘ **O** f course.’

Next to me, I feel Rose tense with excitement and she quickly extends her hand out to him.

‘ **I** ’m Nora’s aunt, Rose.’

‘ **W** illiam. It’s an honor to meet you.’

He holds her hand in two of his and I shove one hand in my pocket, closing it into a fist. She quickly takes his coat and scarf and gestures for him to enter the living room. I’m still standing by the stairs, frozen, a storm of thoughts swirling around in my head. Rose’s hand grips my arm and she pulls me to the kitchen, shutting the door behind us.

‘ **H** e’s gorgeous, honey! How come I’ve never heard of him ?’ she whispers, elbowing me in the ribs.

I stare at her with empty eyes. I feel like my world is falling apart once again and everything is slipping through my fingers.

‘ **W** hat ?’ I try to focus on what she’s saying.

‘ **Y** our date.’

‘ **O** h. Yeah.’

Her smile vanishes when she sees my expression.

‘ **A** re you ok? I’m sorry if I forced your hand. It’s just...I’ve never met one of your boyfriends before,’ she adds.

‘ **H** e’s not my boyfriend,’ I rectify weakly, ‘he’s just…’

_He’s just a hitman, working for the Joker. What can I say? The only way out of this would be to drive a kitchen knife through his heart right now._

‘...a guy I met,’ I finish vaguely.

‘ **I** know you, Nora, he must be more than “just a guy” for you to trust him and give him your address. Grab the bottle of wine.’

She opens the door and I take a deep breath. I try not to think too much or I’ll realize the full extent and consequences of the situation and probably have a panic attack, which I can’t afford now.

I join them in the living room and sit on the couch, next to Bill. My hands are sweaty and my heart is pounding in my chest. As soon as she pours the wine in my glass and hands it to me, I down it, the bitter taste tingling my throat. _It’s whiskey I’d need right now_. I know they both glance at me but I don’t care. Rose probably thinks I’m nervous around him and Bill, well… _he knows_.

‘ **S** o, how did you two meet ?’ Rose sits back in the armchair, sipping her cold cup of tea.

I give him a sideways glance, but he’s already smiling, nodding his head as if he was remembering the event.

‘ **F** unny story, actually.’ He chuckles and puts the glass down on the coffee table. ‘It was a few weeks after she moved to Gotham, we were in the same store…’

_Should I tell her?_ I turn the glass in my hand, heart beating hard. _Maybe, Rose could kill him. We could bury him in the woods and… sell the house. Nobody would know_. I stare at the remaining drops in the bottom of my glass. _No, that’s crazy, we’re not murderers..._

‘...she was looking for…’ Bill squints and turns to me. ‘What were you looking for, love ?’

‘ **S** anitary pads,’ I reply dryly.

Bill’s smile spreads even wider and the tip of his tongue peeks between his teeth.

‘ **T** hat’s right.’ His hand rests on my wrist and his thumb strokes my skin absently.

I bite the inside of my cheek and do my best not to slap his hand away.

‘ **W** e talked for a bit, grabbed a coffee and…’ He takes my hand and I flinch in surprise. ‘I just had to see her again.’

I withdraw my hand as if it was burning, but Rose doesn’t even notice, just staring at Bill with a large smile.

‘ **S** o you’re aware of what happened over there ?’ she asks, a serious expression suddenly appearing on her face.

‘ **O** f course.’ He frowns and he’s such a good liar I would probably believe him too. ‘Truly horrifying. I’m relieved that it’s all behind her. Unfortunately, we lost contact after that. I _did_ try to visit a few months ago, but you were gone.’

Rose’s face lights up while my heart sinks.

‘ **W** e initially stayed with a friend, you can imagine why. We didn’t think it was safe,’ she explains.

‘ **U** nderstandable.’ He nods his head slowly.

I suddenly feel sick, a hot feeling creeping up my stomach and I have to get up.

‘ **E** xcuse me one minute,’ I mutter, quickly walking out the room.

I cross the hallway and lock myself in the bathroom. I kneel down in front of the toilet, elbows on the rim, and I take a deep breath. I don’t want to think about _him_ but his face keeps flashing into my mind. I hear Rose’s laughter resonate from the living room and my heart twists. _I have to talk to Bill, alone_. I get back up, the nausea feeling slowly fading and I splash myself with water.

‘ **O** k,’ I whisper, before opening the door.

As I’m coming back into the living room, the phone starts ringing and Rose gets up with a sigh. She gives my arm a gentle squeeze as she walks past me. I plopped down on the couch in silence and Bill downs his drink.

‘ **O** h, Jen, I meant to call you…’ My aunt’s voice fades as she enters the kitchen.

As soon as I hear the door shut, I exhale loudly. Bill leans forward and grabs the bottle of wine, pouring himself another drink.

‘ **I** fucking hate wine,’ he sighs, downing his drink again. ‘You ain’t got anything stronger ?’

‘ **W** hy are you here ?’ I ask abruptly.

‘ **Y** ou know why I’m here.’

He gets up to look at the framed pictures above the fireplace. He picks one of them up with a chuckle. It’s a photo of me on Halloween when I was around ten.

‘ **T** hat you ?’

I get up and approach him, making sure Rose can’t hear me.

‘ **I** s there any chance you could pretend we weren’t here ?’ I whisper.

He puts the picture back and scratches his beard as if he was thinking.

‘ **N** o.’

I shake my head. _Of course, he has no reason to do this for me_.

‘ **L** isten,’ he continues, ‘the Joker doesn’t trust anybody. Maybe he put someone else on this too and if he finds out that I’ve lied.’ He raises his eyebrows and of course, I know what it would imply. ‘It ain’t personal, Nora, but that’s how it is.’

‘ **S** o what happens now ?’

The kitchen door opens and Rose calls us.

‘ **D** inner’s ready !’

My question stays unanswered as we head to the table. Even though the rest of the night goes way too slowly to my liking, I keep a forced smile on the whole time and Bill, with his usual confidence, lies through his teeth all evening. At least, Rose is completely oblivious to the situation and seems to have a good time.

Finally, Bill decides to leave and I walk him out. As soon as the door shuts behind us, the smile drops from my face. He gets a cigarette out of the pack and sighs, searching his pockets for a lighter. I wrap my arms around myself, the cold wind creeping inside my thin cardigan.

‘ **S** o, listen,’ he starts, exhaling the smoke with a relieved sigh, ‘the Joker isn’t in Arkham anymore, he’s been transferred a few months back.

‘ **T** ransferred where ?’ I ask precipitately.

‘ **B** lackgate. We haven’t heard from him in a while, but my instructions were to find your body. So I’m gonna bring you instead.’

He takes another drag with a grin and my heart sinks.

‘ **Y** ou got one week to get your pretty ass back to Gotham. As soon as you’re there, you do what you want, Nora. As long as he’s in prison, you got nothing to worry about, but if he gets out and learns the truth, then he’ll come for you.’

I scoff.

‘ **S** o… I’m supposed to go back to Gotham and live happily there until he gets out and finally decides to get rid of me?’

Bill blinks a few times, his eyes flickering over my face with an amused look.

‘ **S** ee, you get it.’

‘ **A** nd you trust me not to leave Gotham as soon as I get a chance ?’

He throws the cigarette butt on the floor and sighs.

‘ **Y** ou're smart. You know you can’t hide from me. That’s my job,’ he chuckles lightly, ‘I’ll keep an eye on you.’

I close my eyes for a few seconds, my insides churning and twisting.

‘ **I** need… I need more time, please,’ I beg through gritted teeth.

‘ **Y** ou got one week.’

_One week? Rose leaves in two weeks, I can’t possibly leave before her._

‘ **I** need more than a week,’ I retort coldly.

‘ **A** re you trying to negotiate?’

A slight frown appears on his face and he lowers his voice, his cigarette breath floating in the cold air.

‘ **T** his is not how I normally work. Do you want me to go back in there and do it my way? That boyfriend and girlfriend bullshit I did there,’ he points at my house, ‘I ain’t got time for that, but I did it for you. You could have sold me out to the GCPD, but you kept your mouth shut. We’re even now.’

I glare at him, frustration bubbling up. _Even?!_ Before I find something to say, he leans towards me.

‘ **Y** our aunt is watching,’ he comments before wrapping his arms around me.

I hug him briefly, the cologne and cigarette smoke burning my nostrils, before pulling away with a forced smile.

‘ **I** give you two weeks,’ he adds quietly before walking away with his distinctive limp.

_Thank god_. I go back in and shut the front door, letting the warmth envelop me. I feel slightly light-headed but I keep a composed face as Rose approaches me with a warm smile.

‘ **W** hat a smooth talker that one...but I like him.’

I nod but the reply stays stuck in my throat.

‘ **I** need a bath,’ I quickly say instead, before she can continue.

I go up the stairs two at a time and lock myself in the bathroom.

‘ **S** hit.’ I hold my head in my hands, the panic starting to set in.

_How do I get out of this ?!_ My breath becomes short and I close my eyes, trying to stop my train of thoughts.

I stop pacing and glance at my reflection in the mirror. _What am I doing?_

_All in good time, as Rose always says, and right now she comes first. Everything else is secondary and I shouldn't have to worry about it. Not yet._  I take a deep breath and open the tap. _The Joker can wait._


	2. The Reunion

I’ve been leaning in the doorway for so long, my shoulder has gone numb and my whole body hurts. The house is mostly empty, the remaining furniture covered by large white sheets. I don’t know what I’ll do with the house yet, I want to keep it until I can make a decision I won’t regret. As my eyes travel along the bare walls and the ghostly shapes under the sheets, I know this house will never be the same for me. It’s filled with good memories of course, but they’ve all turned bittersweet now and I’m not sure I could ever live here again. _If I ever come back here anyway_.

Rose left two days ago and my emotions are a mix of frustration, anger, and sadness. I can call her or message her whenever I want, but I already feel like I’ve failed her. There’s so much more I should have said in person. _But, how do you say goodbye to someone you know you’ll never see again? How do you find the right words? I didn’t, but she did. She always knows what to say_. I exhale quietly.

‘ **R** eady ?’

Bill steps on the cigarette butt and shoves his hands in his coat, standing on the front porch. I nod silently and close the last window shutters in the living room. I quickly walk out and lock the door behind me with a sigh. Without a word, I settle in the car, dropping the set of keys in my bag. I place my hands on my lap and I just stare at my fingers. My eyes focus on the dry skin, the broken nails and the two burn scars on my knuckles. I focus on that because I don’t want to look at the house disappearing in the corner of my eye, I don’t want to look at the street I’ve walked for most of my life and I don’t want to see a familiar face through the window. If I’m never coming back here, then memories are enough.

__________________

The rest of the journey passes quickly. Deep in thought, I stay quiet, thinking about my aunt, the house… and what’s waiting for me in Gotham. We land an hour later and, even though it’s the middle of the afternoon, I feel like I could happily go to bed.

‘ **A** taxi is waiting for you outside,’ Bill says as I’m picking up my suitcases.

‘ **O** k,’ I simply say with a nod.

‘ **G** ood luck.’

I walk away towards the exit with a tight throat. _I’m truly alone now. This feels surreal_. I stop, just standing in the middle of the terminal and look at Bill’s retreating back, a sea of people moving rapidly around me. _What would really happen if I just jumped on a plane back home right now?_

I shake my head and walk out. _I don’t want to know._

As soon as I’m out, I find the taxi and sit in the warm vehicle with a sigh. I’ve come prepared, obviously. I’ve booked a hotel for a month until I can find a place to rent, which isn’t a lot of time now that I think of it. As for the rest, I don’t have any plans. _Not yet_.

I glance at the hotel through the window as the vehicle slowly comes to a stop. I step out before pulling the suitcases out of the trunk. I almost forgot how loud this city was. Cars beeping, loud sirens and the constant humming sound of voices all around me. _Downtown Gotham_. _I never thought I’d be back._

‘ **F** or the beautiful lady,’ a voice resonates behind me.

I spin on my heels and face an old man holding a bunch of red roses in his hands. He bows and hands me one.

‘ **N** o, thanks,’ I turn it down politely.

He gives me the flower anyway with a large smile and just walks away without asking for money. I slip it in my handbag and sighs. _I guess I’m home now_.

******

Being back in Gotham definitely brings some bad memories back. Every day, I wake up anxious, watching the news before I even go to the bathroom. The questions swirling around in my head are slowly driving me crazy. _Has the Joker been in contact with Bill again? Does he already know that I’m alive?_ I only go out when it’s absolutely necessary, doing everything else online. The only thing I look forward to is the daily picture I receive from Rose on my phone. She seems happy and I get to see the old farmhouse again. _Obviously, I haven’t told her that I’m back in Gotham, but this time I don’t feel guilty at all. She thinks I’m on holiday with Bill and I’ll keep lying as long as I have to._

At first, the thought of contacting Gordon went through my mind, but it would only get me and him in trouble. Then, I thought of Bruce and Alfred, but again, it’d be too dangerous for them to be in touch with me. _So, I’m alone_. At least, I’ve moved out of the hotel room last week, settling in a small but cozy apartment in a relatively quiet neighborhood. The building is only accessible with a key or an access code downstairs and the windows are all barred. Small details to make me feel safe… only theoretically. _I never feel safe._ I’ve made sure that every room in the apartment has a lock and I always sleep with my bedroom door locked, a baseball bat hidden under my bed.

One month passes and even though I still live in fear, I’ve been able to keep my mind occupied. I’ve enrolled in an online course and it takes my mind off things for a few hours every week at least. Even if I don’t truly take it seriously, at least I’m doing something. _I find it hard to go on with life and think about the future when I don’t even know if I’ll be there._

It’s almost October now. The weather is dull, the temperature drops and the days get shorter. It turns out, cold air leaks from every window in the apartment, so I’m thankful the heating is working most days.

BUZZZ.

I jump, almost spilling my coffee all over myself. I walk to the front door and picks up the phone.

‘ **Y** eah ?’ I ask.

‘ **D** elivery for Miss Wilde.’

I press the red button, giving the delivery man access to the building. As soon as I hear the footsteps behind the door, I look through the peephole. _I hate being so paranoid, but I don’t trust anybody_. I quickly sign the paper before shutting the door.

After setting up the home phone, I immediately give a call to Rose. I was so worried to miss one of her calls or to lose my phone that I bought a home phone, just in case.

' _ **H** ow's the trip, honey?_'

‘ **I** t’s great !’ I lie enthusiastically, ‘Did you go riding today ?’

I sit at the small kitchen table with a smile. As usual, I end up having to come up with another lie as to why I still haven’t sent her pictures of myself, but I manage to quickly change the subject. _I’m definitely getting better at lying._

____________

It’s only a week later that it finally happens. I’m at the nearest laundromat when the song playing through the speakers suddenly stops and the news jingle comes on. Leaning against the washing machine, daydreaming, I don’t really pay any attention to it. My own washing machine broke down a few days ago and I was forced to get out of the house to wash my clothes.

 _‘..._ **_v_** _iolent riot at Blackgate prison, allowing no less than twenty inmates to escape. Three officers have lost their lives during the breakout…’_

I almost lose my balance when I hear it and my heart skips a beat. _It’s happening… Did they give any names?!_ The song starts again and a cold chill creeps up my spine. With only the sound of the washing machine and the faint traffic outside, a rapid feeling of unease grows inside me. _I need to go home. Three minutes left_. I start sweating under my jacket and my stomach is clenched in a knot. I stare at the large windows, almost expecting the Joker to appear on the sidewalk and the last minutes seem to last forever. As soon as the cycle stops, I swing the small door open and shove all my wet clothes in the bag. I rush out of the shop and start walking home. My heart is racing uncontrollably and I feel like all the eyes are on me. So I try to stay calm and only listen to the rational part of my brain. _Nobody’s watching me. It just happened, he can’t be here already… can he?_

I’m not sure how, but I make it back to the apartment safely. I let a deep sigh out and quickly draw all the curtains before settling down in front of the TV. Every time I hear footsteps in the hallway, my heart seems to stop and I stare at the door, feeling sick to my stomach. _Could it be possible that he’s not among the escapees? Unlikely_. Even Rose ringing my phone makes me gasp and I only manage to relax a bit when I hear her voice. But as soon as I hang up, the fear overwhelms me again and I sit in the kitchen, glancing at the front door every few seconds, expecting it to fly open at any moment. I even get up a few times to check that it’s still safely locked. I stare at the phone, hesitating. _I wish I could call Gordon_. I pick up the phone and dial Pedro’s number instead. I just need to hear someone else’s voice. _Anybody._

He picks up almost immediately and I listen to him talking about his engagement party. I have to come up with an excuse on the spot, but I stupidly promise him I’ll be there for the actual wedding. _Which is definitely not going to happen_. After half an hour, he has to get ready for a class and I can finally hang up. Even though the stress is still twisting my stomach, I manage to grab one book and read three chapters, locked in my bedroom. Then, I decide to check the news on my phone again and that’s when I finally see his name. _He’s out._ My heart is beating in my ears now and I lie on my bed, eyes wide open. _All I can do is wait._

____________

 _' **N** ora! Anne! Hurry up, girls!'_  
  
_I sit on the bed, rolling my eyes._  
  
_' **I**_ _don't want to go,' I mumble, kicking my shoes away._  
  
_'_ ** _Y_** _ou're always angry.' Anne's muffled voice is barely audible from under the pillow._

 _‘_ ** _I_** _just want to stay home.' I say, smoothing the dress over my lap. 'What are you doing under there anyway?'_  
  
_'_ ** _I_** _'m hiding.'_  
  
_I let an exasperated sigh out and sit cross-legged on the bed._  
  
_'_ ** _H_** _iding from who?'_  
  
_'_ ** _M_** _ommy and daddy.'_  
  
_A mess of tangled hair appears from under the pillow and she glances at me with wide eyes._  
  
_'_ ** _I_** _f you're not going, I'm not going!'_  
  
_'_ ** _W_** _e have to. They're waiting for us.'_  
  
_'_ ** _B_** _ut you said you didn't want to go!'_  
  
_'_ ** _I_** _don't decide, Anne!'_  
  
_'_ ** _N_** _ora!' Mom appears in the doorway. 'I told you to get your sister.'_  
  
_I nod and grab my backpack, dragging it across the floor by the handles. I snatch the pillow out of_ _Anne’s hands before walking out the bedroom._  
  
_'_ ** _D_** _on't forget Mr. Frog,' I mumble._  
  
_We all settle in the car, bags in the trunk, a pile of cassette tapes on my lap._  
  
_'_ ** _A_** _unty Rose’s already at the farm, girls,' dad says, looking at us over his shoulder, 'the first foals arrived this morning!'_  
  
_'_ ** _W_** _hat's a foal?' Anne asks._  
  
_'_ ** _A_** _baby horse,' I reply, putting my seatbelt on._  
  
_'_ ** _C_** _an we take one home, mommy?!' she basically yells in my ear and I turn my head with an exaggerated sigh._  
  
_'_ ** _N_** _o, honey, they have to stay with their own family for now.'_  
  
_'_ ** _B_** _uckle up everybody!' dad reminds us before starting the car._  
  
_I fasten Anne's seatbelt and sits back, head resting against the pillow as we pull out of the driveway._

_____________

I wake up with a weird twist in my stomach and I just lie there for a minute until I remember why I’m feeling so anxious. _The Joker_. I slip into an old pair of sweatpants and rush to the living room. After watching five minutes of the news and realizing there isn’t anything new, I turn it off and prepare breakfast.

With the Joker now out of jail, I don’t go out at all. I know he’ll come for me eventually, but it doesn’t mean I’m ready for it. _How will he react?_

A few days pass. A week. Two weeks later, I start having doubts _. What if he’s not after me? What if he somehow got bored or... maybe Bill never delivered the news?_ I sit on the couch. _Something could have happened to him_. I glance at the clock wall and start fidgeting. The grocery delivery should have already arrived.

After another hour, I decide to call them and talk to a cheerful woman who happily informs me that my order has been canceled for the night but will definitely come in the morning. _Perfect_. The only edible things in my apartment are a tub of spreadable cheese and a bag of frozen vegetables. I’m tempted to order a takeout, but I still need some other things. I take a deep breath. _I can’t keep living in fear of going out, I’ll drive myself crazy_.

After psyching myself up, I open one of the drawers and slip a small knife into my jacket pocket. _Just in case_. _I can’t imagine ever using it but, better safe than sorry._

When I reach the front door, I pause for a second, heart beating fast. It’s Friday night, the streets will be busy. I close my eyes, doing the journey in my head first.

‘ **O** k,’ I whisper, finally leaving my apartment.

I lock the door and head for the elevator. Even these hallways don’t feel safe anymore and I look at the closing doors anxiously. A few seconds later, I’m in front of the main door. _I know how crazy it is but I can’t help to go through the journey in my head once more_.

I open the door and shove my hands in my pockets, the cold air making my whole body shiver. I hurry down the street, throwing nervous glances over my shoulder. The streets around my apartment are eerily quiet and empty. In every dark corner, my eyes see a shadow, every faint noise is a possible threat and I already regret going out.

I quicken my pace when I feel like I’m being watched. I glance over my shoulder again and my heart stops when I see a man only a few feet away, typing on his phone. _Where did he come from?!_ I turn around the corner and I see the main street, not far in the distance. I look again and, sure enough, he’s still behind me. My right hand tightens around the handle of the knife. He doesn’t look like a criminal and he’s probably just as harmless as I am. _Though, judging people by their looks isn’t always a smart thing to do_. Luckily, the man stops, seemingly waiting for someone outside a building, and I reach the busy street with relief.

‘ **S** orry,’ I mutter, stepping aside to let an old lady come out of the store.

The warmth of the place is helping my body relax a bit and I browse through the small aisles, picking up a few essentials. I’m dreading the time to walk back so I linger around until I come to my senses _. I shouldn’t stay out for too long._ I quickly pay for the items and head back out, the handles of the bag around my wrist. I reluctantly turn around the corner and leave the bright and busy street behind me. Soon, only my footsteps are echoing in the dimly-lit street. I bury my chin in the collar of my jacket, power walking back home. The streets always look different at night as if there was something suddenly unfamiliar about them. I walk past a few parked cars and the knot in my stomach tightens. I take a few deep breaths. _I’m almost home_.

Thankfully, I make it back to the building safely and, after entering the code, I push the door shut and let a deep breath out. _That was stressful_. I take the elevator up to my floor and I can hear my stomach growling already. I think going out tonight brought a little bit of my confidence back, or at least the adrenaline pumping through my veins is making me think so.

I’m so relieved to be finally home, that it doesn’t immediately click in my head. Instead, I open the door and quickly shut it, resting my back against it with a long breath. My hand finds the light switch and as I’m flicking it, right before the light actually comes on, it strikes me. _The door was unlocked_. I freeze, my finger still on the switch and I glance in horror at my living room. Most of my belongings are smashed on the floor, drawers left open and I see large shoe prints all over the floor. My heart is in my throat and I know I have to leave, _now_ , but I freeze and I can’t get my body to move. _He's here_.

He finally emerges from the dark kitchen and my heart seems to completely stop. The suit, the makeup, the scars, it feels like it was yesterday the last time I saw him. He doesn’t talk immediately just staring at me with dark eyes, jaw clenching a few times. _He doesn’t seem satisfied to have finally caught me. No, he looks... angry._

It’s when he starts taking his gloves off that my senses come back to me and I swing the door open, dropping the bag on the floor. Before I make it out of the hallway though, I hear something whistle past my ear and I freeze in shock. The knife he just threw is in the door now, inches from my face.  
  
' **U** m, _really_?’ His voice resonates behind me, but I don’t even look at him.  
  
The momentary shock has allowed him to sneak up behind me, and I already feel his hand on the top of my head. He grabs a handful of my hair, pulling me back roughly against him. My back involuntarily arches and tears prick my eyes.  
  
' **S** hh shh,' he purrs right in my ear, his hair brushing the side of my face.  
  
' **L** et... go !' I spit out painfully, scratching his hand tangled in my hair.

He throws me back into the apartment, making me trip and fall on the floor. I quickly get back up, pulling the knife out. He slams the door shut and locks it before slowly stepping towards me. His jaw is clenched and his dark eyes are glaring me down. I step back slowly, raising the knife in front of me.  
  
_' **Y** ouu_…’ He points at me with an accusing finger. ‘... stabbed me in the back, Nora.' He cackles but the sound dies in his throat and turns into an angry grunt.  
  
' **L** eave.' My voice betrays my obvious fear and when my back hits the wall, my hand holding the knife starts shaking violently.

He keeps stepping towards me, not even acknowledging my words.

‘ **C** lever, I gotta admit,’ he continues, adjusting the edges of his coat, ‘but that’s the thing with, uh, _plans_. You should always make sure, they’re well thought out, you know, or they might just…’ He pauses and, with a gesture of his hand, he imitates an explosion. ‘... _backfire_.’  
  
Without any warning, he suddenly pounces on me and I swing the knife in front of me. I don’t have time to try and aim for anything, I just want the blade to hit _something_. Unfortunately, he dodges the blade with an impressively fast move and his hand clutches my wrist in a vice-like grip. My attempt seems to have only fueled the fire in his eyes and he roughly pulls on my wrist.

‘ **T** oo, uh… _predictable_ ,’ he mocks me without a smile.

He starts twisting my wrist slowly, his body pressed against mine. The gasoline smell almost makes me sick and I struggle uselessly against his strength. He squeezes my wrist so hard that I feel like my bones are going to break and I have to drop the knife before he really crushes my wrist.  
  
' **I** 'm-I'm sorry,' I stutter, shaking my head.  
  
His face is so close, his nose is in my hair now and he inhales deeply, eyes half shut.  
  
' **O** h, it’s too late, Nora.'  
  
His hands go up to my throat and my chest is rising and falling with rapid breaths, his hot skin burning mine. But as his fingertips slowly circles around my throat, he suddenly closes his hands around my whole neck and starts squeezing. My body immediately goes into panic and I try to break the grip on my neck. His eyes are dark and empty and he seems to stare right through me. His jaw clenches even more when my nails start scratching his skin in a desperate attempt to escape his death grip, but he doesn’t let me go. Gasping for air now, I try to remember what I learned from the self-defense classes but my brain isn’t able to focus on anything other than the fact that he’s going to kill me. All the techniques I’ve learned seem to fly out the window.  
  
' **S**...top,' I manage to whisper painfully.  
  
The pressure in my head is too much and I feel like it’s going to explode. I feel his skin breaking under my nails and some air finally finds its way to my lungs. I gasp and manage to push myself off the wall a few inches until he slams me back against it. My vision gets dark for a second and his hand is back on me. I look at him, my eyes imploring him to let me go, but his nails are digging into my skin and the grasp of his fingers around my throat is merciless. Just as I feel like I'm about to pass out, he lets out an exasperated growl and releases me. I slide down the wall, a fit of cough shaking my whole body. My throat is burning, aching and I feel like I'm going to be sick.

I have to touch my own skin to convince me that his fingers are not around my neck anymore.  
  
' **I** 'm..,' I start with a raspy voice.  
  
Before I can say anything else, he grabs me by the collar and lifts me back up. I hear a few seams rip open and my heart feels like it's going to burst out of my chest. His face is inches from mine, pupils dilated, and his hands are slightly shaking.  
  
' **D** on't...' I shake my head, my breath getting caught in my throat.  
  
I can hear his teeth slowly grinding and he shakes his head a few times, eyelids slightly drooping.  
  
' **I** am, uh...' He closes his eyes and snarls bitterly. '... _fighting_ the urge to kill you, right now.' He opens his eyes and stares right at me, his tongue probing at the scars. 'So I'll give you five seconds to… _hide_.'  
  
He finally lets go of me and I frown, a cold feeling traveling through my body. My throat is burning and I blink a few times, trying to comprehend what’s happening. He suddenly slams his hands hard on either side of me and I instinctively shut my eyes, the loud noise sending my heart up my throat.  
  
' **G** O!' His voice is deep and dark, laced with rage.  
  
I duck under his arm and run to the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind me. I put the lock on with a shaky hand and rest my back against it before shutting my eyes. A few seconds later, there's a loud bang on the door and I can't help to yelp in fear.

‘ **O** pen the door, Nooora…’ His muffled voice resonates right behind the door and I shut my eyes. ‘I was only _joking_.’

 _He wasn’t_. There’s another loud bang on the door and I feel the whole door shaking. If he tries hard enough, I know he’ll manage to kick the door down.

Thankfully, I hear the footsteps walk away from the door, followed by the loud sound of glass shattering. Breathless, I sit on the floor, resting my head against the door and I can still hear him trashing my apartment. I close my eyes, my throat burning every time I swallow, the ghost of his fingers still around my neck. I place a hand over my throat and I let the tears roll quietly.  
  
I stay like this for what seems like hours until I can't hear him anymore. _I could open the door and check, but I'm too scared_. Instead, I stay on the floor, head lolled against the door until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'll be back with a new chapter after Christmas. Until then, I hope y'all have a good time! <3
> 
> Stay safe!


	3. Back to Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey, I'm back! Sorry for the long wait, I was away and couldn't update... I hope y'all had a nice Christmas/New Years!
> 
> PS: And this is to the guest reviewer who keeps leaving comments on my fic about someone else... If you want the person you're talking about to contact you, I suggest you leave comments on THEIR fics (or, even better, nowhere at all). I don't like bullying, so your comments will be deleted, every time, no exceptions! ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading <3

Something wakes me up. My eyes flutter open, but I feel like my body is still asleep. _Is it what sleep paralysis feels like?_  There seems to be fog all around me, even though I know it’s just my eyes playing tricks on me. I’m in my bedroom, lying down by the door, my cheek is resting on the cold laminate floor. Everything slowly comes back to me. _The Joker was here. Is he gone?_ My heart rate accelerates and I realize something. _I can’t feel my legs and… I can’t move_. My chest is rising and falling fast but I can only look in front of me, in panic. _I must still be dreaming, at least I hope so_. I spot my baseball bat under the bed, dust bunnies slowly drifting across the floor. That’s when I realize that there’s a light somewhere... _but it’s too bright to be through the tiny crack under the door._ My heart jumps in my chest when I finally realize the most important thing. I can feel a draft behind me, all over me. _The door is open_. Two familiar shoes appear on my left, stopping inches away from my face. I want to shrink away from them, but I can’t move, I can’t even lift my head to look at him.

‘ **T** adada-dada…’

The Joker starts humming while lifting me up effortlessly, my head falling forward without my control. My arms are limp, hanging down like a ragdoll, and my face is buried in his shoulder, a weird mix of sweat and disinfectant burning my nose. I try to talk but my mouth doesn’t move and no sound comes out of my throat. He steps on the glass and the crunching sound under his shoes sounds weirdly loud in the quiet apartment. The kitchen light is on, faintly illuminating the living room. His arms are too tight around me and I feel like I can’t breathe again. I try to look up, but I can’t see past his chin so I just stare at his neck, drool slowly running from the corner of my mouth. _Hell, not that I care_. My eyes travel along his jawline, down to where the white paint starts fading and I just focus on the bare skin. His Adam's apple bobs in his throat and I notice a few cuts. _Shaving cuts._ I want to bang my head against the wall and try to get my brain to focus on what _matters_ , but my mind seems to be all over the place. _Only my pounding heart seems to really understand what’s going on_.

As if he could somehow read my mind, the Joker stops humming and clears his throat loudly.

' **Y** ou should relax, Nora. Your _little_ heart feels like it’s gonna just, uh... _bounce_ out your chest!’ He giggles and drops me on the couch.

My vision gets foggy again and I stare at him, standing next to me with his back turned. I hear a faint popping sound and he whispers something under his breath. _What has he done to me?!_ My brain is screaming at him but I’m just lying still, eyes wide open.

There’s a knock at the door and I’m starting to think that I should, indeed, try to calm my heart. He casually walks to the door and opens it without even looking who’s on the other side. My eyes widen in horror when I notice a syringe in his hand. Squinting, he flicks it twice, his eyes following the drops leaking out of the needle with a glint of cruel satisfaction. As if he could feel my intense stare, all of a sudden, his eyes are resting on me.

‘ **T** ime for your medication,’ he announces in a deep voice.

From the corner of my eye, I see a shadow slip into my apartment, but I don’t take my eyes off the needle fast enough to see who it is. The Joker steps towards me, his cheeks sucked in, as if he’s trying to suppress a smile and he turns his head to the right, his eyes still glued to me. I want to get away from that needle or stab it into his own neck, but there’s nothing I can do. _Except lie here and wait for him to do whatever he wants to me_. Soon, he’s kneeling down to my level, and he sighs, making sure the needle is only inches from my face.

‘ **I** ’m sure you heard the media talk about Blackgate’s _violent_ riots and how we all _magically_ escape,’ he starts, lowering his head, ‘but that’s not how it started. One guard unlocked a door.’ His stare is focused on me but mine hasn’t left the needle as he continues. ‘But they won’t tell you that, no, no, the blame has to be put on someone else, that’s how it works. Y’see, lying is a part of our human nature. They lie. You and I lie.‘ One corner of his mouth rises in a grimace as he continues. ‘ _A lot_. So when I say that this is _not_ gonna hurt...‘ His gloved hand clutches my wrist and he leans forward, not blinking. ‘...then you know it’s a _lie_.’

When he notices my chest heaving, his expression suddenly turns pitiful and he tightens his hold on my wrist.

‘ **O** h. I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just trying to be, ya know,’ he starts gesturing with his hand as if he’s trying to find a difficult word, ‘... _honest_.’

He snarls, bringing the needle closer to my neck and I hold my breath. I can feel my skin tear when the needle pushes against it and I know that if I could, I’d be as stiff as a log of wood. He injects the liquid all at once and a cold sensation starts spreading around my neck. My eyes widen when the feeling turns ice cold and I feel like actual frost is traveling inside my veins, slowly creeping down to my heart. All my veins, all my organs feel like they’re turning into ice and the pain that follows is agonizing. My eyes water, I feel a few tears rolling down my cheek and the tight feeling in my chest is scaring me. _My heart is going to stop_. I start panicking because I don’t think I can even feel it beat anymore. My inner voice is trying to convince me that he wouldn’t kill me now, not like this, but nothing is sure.

‘ **Y** ou’re probably thinking that you’re, uh... dying, right now,’ the Joker’s voice resonates again somewhere above me,’...but you’re _not_. And that’s the truuth.’

His chuckle turns into a burst of maniacal laughter and my vision becomes white. At this point, I could swear I feel the vessels in my brain expanding until a few popping sounds echo inside my skull. I can’t think anymore, it’s just blank and all there’s left is the pain.

 _I think I’m dead_. I thought I would have passed out- and I actually might have- but weirdly, my mind is still racing. I can’t see anything, I don’t think I can feel my own body, but I have weird… sensations. Floating, rolling, falling, it all seems really strange, but, at last, the pain is gone. _I feel like I’m on a boat with a serious case of seasickness_. A second or a whole year could have passed, I wouldn’t even know.

‘ **W** akey wakey!’

I inhale deeply as if I had been holding my breath the whole time and my lungs desperately fill with air. I open my eyes and my stomach immediately churns. The strong light, the duct tape around my wrists and ankles, and the sickly smell floating in the air. I close my eyes, a wave of nausea hitting me.

‘ **G** ooood morning,’ the Joker greets me with a loud voice.

I finally reopen my eyes and glance at him, a drop of sweat rolling down my forehead. He’s sitting nonchalantly on a rusty metal chair balanced on two legs. He flips his pocket watch open with a frown.

‘ **W** ell, it’s not exactly _morning_ anymore,’ he continues, ‘I might have been a liittle bit, uh... _heavy-handed_.’

He chuckles and I clench my jaw, another wave of nausea tightening my stomach. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, wriggling in the seat. My body feels like it’s been hit by a truck… _multiple times_. I don’t know how long I’ve been out, but my t-shirt is basically stuck to my skin and my heart is beating weakly as if it’s tired of beating at all. Every time I swallow, it feels like a handful of gravel has been stuffed down my throat and I need a few seconds before I can actually talk.

‘ **J** ust… whatever you wanna do, get it over and done with,’ I mutter, glaring at him.

He drags the chair on the floor, closer to me and the metallic noise echoes loudly around the room. The pain in my head immediately flashes hard, making me frown. His makeup seems fresh as if he’s just applied it and he gets his switchblade out of his pocket, throwing it in his other hand.

‘ **L** isten, it’s, uh, _simple_ , I want you to be my... assistant. But first, I have to teach you a few skills.’

I blink a few times, trying to get used to the bright light and I give him a cold stare. A chuckle bubbles up from my chest and I shake my head.

‘ **I** ’ll have to pass,’ I retort with a raspy voice.

The Joker gets up so fast the chair falls over backward with a loud clunk and he grabs my cheeks forcefully.

‘ **T** hat was awfully rude, Nora. So let me, uh,’ he starts waving his hand, _‘reformulate_.’

He leans towards me, his tongue darting out like a snake.

‘ **Y** ou’re with me now. You wanna call your little, uh, _buddy_ Jim? If you do, you’re going down with _me_.’

He lets go of my face and my heart clenches in my chest. _What does he mean?_ _I want to tell him that he can’t make me do anything, but we both know it’d be a lie. What’s the point to even talk?_

‘ **I** won’t call anybody,’ I retort.

He opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something but closes it with a frown.

‘ **O** r maybe, I should just kill you now,’ he continues, his eyes flickering over my face without blinking.

If he wants me to beg him not to do anything, I won’t give him the satisfaction, so I only shrug my shoulders. _Whatever he’s decided, whatever plans he has for me, he knows it already. I doubt anything I say or do will change that._

He doesn’t talk immediately, only staring at me, expressionless. After a few seconds, he finally sighs and throws his arms out defeatedly.

' **D** o you _really_ want to die?'  
  
' **N** o.'  
  
' **T** hen why are you so quiet? Hmm?' He crouches in front of me and leans forward, his elbows on my lap. 'No begging, no protesting. You’re just gonna… _agree_ with anything I say ?'  
  
I look away.  
  
' **I** 'm tired of this.'  
  
He looks at me like a kid whose Christmas has just been canceled, but his expression quickly changes and a lopsided grin starts growing across his face.  
  
' **C** areful what you tell me, Nora. Wouldn’t want me to take advantage of you, wouldcha? After all,’ he pauses with a snort,’ a tired, vulnerable mind _is_ the perfect ground for a little... _experiment_.'  
  
Without warning, he grabs my hand and forces my fingers flat against the armrest.  
  
' **W** hat are you doing ?' I try to wriggle my fingers away, but he's pressing so hard on them that they remain under his hand.  
  
He tightens his hold on his knife and carefully places the tip under my nail. My eyes widen and I shake my head.  
  
' **D** on't...' I start with clenched teeth.  
  
' **Y** ou know, that's something they do in Arkham, except, y'know, with needles,' he explains, squeezing one of my fingertips. 'You take the needle, place it between the nail and the flesh and you just push it _all_ the way through.'

He tilts his head, his eyes staring into mine.

' **A** nd the pain is...' He shakes his head a few times. '... _unbearable_.'  
  
As he pronounces the last word, he jerks the blade forward and an excruciating pain bursts in my fingertip. I yelp in pain, trying to free my hand.  
  
' **G** et the fuck away from me !' I spit out.  
  
_' **O**_ _oo-oh_ !’ He steps back with a triumphing chuckle. ‘That’s the, uh... spirit! Well, minus the swearing, Nora,’ he adds with a disapproving look, ‘Don’t be so… _ordinary_.’

I grunt and let a deep breath out as soon as he withdraws the blade. The pulsating pain doesn't fade though and my heart is racing again.  
  
' **S** orry,' he continues, his hands hovering over my hand as if he didn’t _really_ mean to hurt me.

‘ **W** e both know you’re not,’ I let out in anger.  
  
He bites his bottom lip in an exaggerated manner and his eyes roll up to the ceiling as if he was suddenly thinking about something.

‘ **D** o you know why torture is such a… _successful_ method? Obviously, pain will make anybody do almost anything, but… the, uh, anticipation makes it all...’ The corners of his scarred mouth curl up in a forced smile, his eyes coming back to me. ‘... _worse_. That’s something I’ll teach you, someday. How to handle _pain_.’

The corners of his lips immediately drop when he sees me involuntarily tensing up.

‘ **I** won’t do it _now_ , Nora, I’ve just told you.’ He rolls his eyes to the ceiling and a muscle in his cheek twitches.

I slump back on the chair and I glance down at the blood dripping from my finger. I'm trying to get used to the constant pain but I can’t think of anything else.

I take a slow and steady breath while glaring at him, teeth gritted. _He’s trying to push me until I beg him… and I’m really trying not to be weak, but my body hurts, I’m exhausted and, emotionally, I don’t feel like I can handle a lot more_. He suddenly lifts his arm so fast and so close to my face that I instinctively flinch. His pupils immediately flare and, raising his eyebrows, he gives me an exaggerated shocked look.

‘ **I** ’d never _hit_ you, Nora.’

His tongue absently licks one corner of his dry mouth, smearing the red over his skin. I avert my gaze and stare at my lap, almost sure he can hear my heart pounding. _What more does he want?_

‘ **I** ’m going to teach you something easy today,’ he answers my mental question before storming out the room.

I try to wriggle out of the restraints as soon as the door shuts, but I’m pretty sure the door is locked anyway so I look around the room. There are brown stains all over the floor and walls. The tiles are old and broken and I spot a few rusty hooks on the ceiling. I stop looking around, too scared to notice any more details, and I just stare at the door, waiting for him to come back. _What did he mean by “teach me something’’?_ I try not to focus on the throbbing pain in my finger and I take a deep breath.

The door swings open and the Joker comes back, pushing a metal rolling table in the room, glass bottles clinking against each other. I quickly look at the different chemicals in front of me and I have a sudden bad feeling. He walks around me and, to my surprise, cuts the duct tape with his switchblade. I move my feet with hesitation, the blood flowing painfully to my legs, but I don’t have time to get up, he’s already in front of me.

‘ **R** emember, the, uh... gas I created, the one we tried _together_ ?’ A weird glint passes in his eyes, but he doesn’t wait for an answer. ‘I want you to do it for _me_ ,’ he adds, pointing the blade at his own chest.

My heart skips a beat because I remember that night... _vividly_.

‘ **I**  wouldn’t know how to do... that,’ I reply weakly.

‘ **I** knooow. That’s why I’m teaching you.’ He pulls his purple gloves out of his pocket. ‘So, uh, y’know… pay _attention_.’

He puts the gloves on and turns his back to me, hunched over the table. _He is serious_. I get up on my shaky legs and reluctantly join him in front of the table.

He barely talks during the whole process just randomly mumbling chemical names I’ve never heard of and quantities I forget a few seconds later. I try my best to remember what I see, but I’m in no state to focus on anything. _I just want to sit back down_. After a few minutes, he adds two purple drops and it’s over. I stare at the dark and thick liquid in the metallic bowl, thinking it looks different than the last time. _He probably perfected the recipe_. He takes a step back with a smirk and glances sideways at me.

‘ **Y** ou got five minutes,’ he simply says, taking his gloves off.

He throws them on the table and heads out without a look at me.

‘ **N** o, wait!’

The door slams shut and my voice echoes around the walls. _Ok_. I turn around and lean against the table. I don’t think sitting back down and _not_ do what he wants is a good idea. I pick up his gloves with shaky fingers as if they were a hazard and look at the different bottles. _I have to try_.

After a few minutes, I push the bowl away from me, the neck of my top pulled over my nose, making sure I don’t inhale too much of it. _I screwed up, I know it, but I can’t remember anything._

Before I can start panicking again, he comes back, one of his henchmen close behind him, a clown mask covering his face. The Joker starts chewing on his bottom lip, staring at the bowl in front of me. He circles around me and stops right behind me, his chest brushing my back. From the corner of my eye, I see him rolling his sleeves up and he squeezes my shoulders, his fingers tightening around me. Suddenly, I feel like I’m back at school when I used to screw up something and would just wait in silence for the teacher to lecture me.

He grabs the bowl, his tongue running over his scarred lip.

‘ **S** o, are you, uh, _happy_ with… this? He brings the bowl close to his nose.

He drops it back on the table, almost spilling it all over the table and I flinch, holding my breath. He turns his head to me, empty-eyed.

‘ **H** mm?’ he insists, eyebrows raised.

I swallow with difficulty, blinking a few times.

‘ **I** couldn’t remember the…’

‘ **Y** ou see,’ he cuts me off, his eyes now staring at my mouth, ‘it _looks_ right, but it smells… _wrong_.’

His jaw clenches and my heart starts racing. _Of course, it’s wrong_. Goosebumps spread over my skin when his hand creeps up the back of my neck. As he calls his henchman over with a quiet “come here”, he rolls a thin strand of my hair around his finger and slightly pulls it back. I clench my jaw, trying to resist the urge to slap his hand away. I let a silent breath out when the other man comes closer and he finally withdraws his hand. Without a word, he rips the mask off the other man. The tension becomes palpable and I’m starting to think that me screwing up isn’t going to be without consequences. Though the Joker isn’t looking at me anymore, I keep my eyes down and I really wish the ground would swallow me up.

‘ **S** ee, Nora here, is my new assistant,’ he starts, pointing at me, ‘and I asked her to do something for me. Now, that’s the problem. She _failed_.’ He rolls his eyes up and licks his lips. ‘And what do we do when someone failed, but doesn't know it yet, hmm?’ he asks.

The man shifts from one foot to the other, visibly growing uncomfortable.

‘ **U** hh… we… punish them?’ he replies, hesitantly.

‘ ** _N_** _ooo_.’ The Joker shakes his head frenetically. ‘We _show_ them.’

With a quick movement, he grabs the man’s arm and slams it on the table before pouring some of the liquid on him. He releases him almost immediately while the man squeals in pain, holding his hand up to his chest. My eyes widen in horror as the man opens his mouth to talk but his voice gets strangled in his throat. He keeps staggering back, his face contorted in pain. His arm turns purple and all the veins start bulging. The Joker looks at him with no apparent reaction, looking almost bored.

After a few more seconds of agony, the henchman falls down, head first. I look away, my heart beating against my chest, feeling lightheaded. The Joker sighs dramatically and steps towards him, rolling him over with his foot.

‘ **S** ee,’ he screws his face in disappointment, ‘he _is_ dead, but I can’t see any smile. I mean, that’s the whole point, or I could’ve just shot him in the head and save us some time. I’m all for making things, uh… _last_ , but only when it’s fun.’

He looks up at me and I can sense his annoyance.

‘ **D** o it again. Four minutes.’

‘ **N** o, no, no!’ I try to run to the door before he closes it, but my legs can barely support my weight and I almost collapse halfway.

 _Shit_.

I walk back to the table, massaging my forehead. _Focus, focus_. I bury the feeling of panic before it completely overwhelms me and I try to ignore the dead man on the floor.

 _I didn’t do it_.

I start again and my whole body trembles with nerves _. I have to do it right this time_. I try my best to remember again, but I feel like I’m just making the same mistakes again. As I add the last drops, the Joker enters again followed by another man. This one isn’t wearing a mask and hesitation crosses his face as soon as he sees the dead man on the floor. The Joker closes the door before he can back up and pushes him to the middle of the room. I feel like my stomach is in my throat and I can’t look at him. _No matter if I’ve failed or not, he’s going to die._  

The Joker casually steps forward, throwing a glance at me. He doesn’t say anything but my chest tightens in stress. He grabs the bowl nonchalantly and sniffs it, throwing it back on the table a second later, spilling half the content on the table. My heart stops and I feel like I’m going to faint. _I failed again._ He gestures for the man to approach, not saying a word, and splashes him with the rest of the liquid. It lands on his shirt and eats through the fabric like acid. After a couple seconds of silence, the man starts giggling, his body shaking uncontrollably. His laugh turns into a fit of laughter and I look away. _I know what happens next_. A part of me is relieved because I’ve managed to do what he asked but the feeling of guilt is _overwhelming... my own hands created this substance_. I’m still staring at the empty bowl, my whole body tensed and the Joker takes a step towards me. He pulls the gloves off my hands, lifting his chin while looking down at me.

‘ **W** e wouldn’t’ve had to do it twice if you took things a little bit more _seriously_ ,’ he comments disapprovingly.

' **Y** ou killed your men, don’t put that on me,’ I retort coldly, even though my whole body is shaking.

One corner of his mouth drops and he raises his eyebrows, wrinkles appearing on his forehead.

‘ **I** only had to kill _one_.’ He tilts his head to the side.

I bite my tongue because there’s nothing to say. _Nothing to make things better anyway._ Thankfully, he turns away from me, putting his gloves back on and I take this opportunity to sit on the chair. My legs are shaking, muscles burning and I don’t think I can take much more.

When the Joker finishes dragging the bodies to the other side of the room, he stands back up with a sigh, wiping his hairline with the back of his wrist.

‘ **S** o!’ he lets out, returning his attention to me. ‘What have you been up to, hmm? Anything… _fun_?’

‘ **N** ot really,’ I mutter, trying to sound as flat as possible.

He doesn’t really seem to listen to me until he’s standing right in front of me. I look up to meet his eyes, trying to mask my anxiety with a blank face. He starts chewing on something, his stare alternating between my eyes and my lips.

‘ ** _N_** _ot really_?’ He repeats as if I said something irritating.

I don’t blink, still holding his cold gaze and shrug my shoulders.

‘ **N** o,’ I say.

He stops chewing and cocks his head to the side while I stay awkwardly still.  
  
' **H** ave you, uh…’ he clears his throat loudly, ‘ _been_ with anyone?'

There are a few seconds of silence and I furrow my brows.  
  
' **W** hat do you mean ?' I finally ask, even though I know exactly what he meant.  
  
One side of his mouth lifts up and he grabs my chin, tilting it to the side, exposing the right side of my neck.  
  
' **T** ake your clothes off,’ he says casually, a slow, sinister smile appearing on his face.  
  
His request completely throws me off and my face immediately contorts in a grimace.  
  
' **Y** ou're joking, right?' I retort coldly.  
  
He raises his eyebrows and looks around him in fake confusion.  
  
' **W** ell, uh, normally I _am_ , but not now.’  
  
I take a step back, fear bubbling in my chest again.  
  
' **W** hy ?!'  
  
He hisses through his teeth, growing impatient.

 _'_ ** _B_** _ecaause_ ,’ he exhales loudly. 'I wanna see if you have any… _marks_ on your body.'  
  
I furrow my brows, trying to find something good to say but I’m too confused. _I can't just take my clothes off in front of him_. Before I can say anything, he continues in a quieter voice, but his tone is threatening.  
  
' **L** et's hope, for you, that the only mark I find is _mine_.'  
  
' **W** hat's wrong with you?!' I wrap my arms around my middle, taking another step back.  
  
' **O** h.’ He chuckles. _‘Sooo_ many things.'

Like a trapped animal, I glance at the closed door as if some miracle could happen- the damn police showing up now would be pretty good- but there’s no hope at this point. I could start arguing with him, but I know how that ends already. So I decide to do the only reasonable thing that comes to mind. _I’ll do what he wants, just not the way he wants it_. _I won’t beg, I won’t cry and I won’t get upset._

I pull my top over my head and drop it on the floor with a defiant look. I unbutton my jeans and slide them off. I really try to look confident, but I’m dying inside. I feel so uncomfortable and ashamed, I want to dig a hole and hide inside it. I silently pray he won’t ask me to get _completely_ naked and I just stand in front of him, in my underwear, arms instinctively wrapped around my waist.

_That’s when I realize that it’s not about checking for any “marks” or taking a quick peek at my body. He wants me to remember how much control he has, how far he could take all this._

His eyes haven’t left mine for one second and he nods imperceptibly. With a quick gesture, he points at my clothes on the floor. I let a silent breath out and quickly put my clothes back on. _I want to go home, that’s all I’m thinking now_.

As soon as I’m dressed, he approaches me and pinches my chin between his thumb and index finger. I glare at him while he gives me a quick up and down with a sigh. His jaw clenches and he lets a few agonizing seconds pass before speaking again.

‘ **L** et’s take you home, shall we?’

 _Thank god_. I nod silently and he tucks my hand under his arm, marching me out of the room. I almost fall over, not ready to walk so fast so suddenly but I don’t say a word. The weird sickly smell is stronger now and I seriously hope we’re heading out right away.

After crossing a short, dimly-lit hallway, we go through another door and I immediately look up at the high ceilings and walls surrounding us. It looks like an old industrial hall, a couple of trucks are parked next to each other, big bold letters across the side of the vehicles. _Laughter is the best medicine._  A few “clowns” are sitting at a round table, playing cards, and I quicken the pace, staying close behind the Joker. _What is this place?_

All of a sudden, he stops in his tracks and everything turns black. I don’t even try to rip the sack off my head, instead searching for his arm.

The next few minutes are obviously confusing for me. I can hear movements and muffled voices around me but the Joker doesn’t say a word. I’d actually think he was gone if I wasn’t holding his arm tightly.

A few seconds later, a cold wind creeps through my clothes and I let a silent breath out. _O_ _utside, finally._  Grabbing my arm with the other hand, the Joker pushes my head down, an engine roaring in my ears. I sit in the vehicle and he settles himself in the seat next to me with a dramatic sigh. I sit straight, shivering with cold until the car starts moving.

As much as I want to stay alert, my body just can’t keep up anymore. My eyelids get heavier, my muscles relax, and I rest my face against the door. I know I shouldn’t fall asleep now, not with a bag on my head and the Joker right next to me, but the car ride is lulling me to sleep _. So I let go._

__________________

I wake up a few hours later in my bed.

I sit up, heart jumping, and I look around the room. _I’m alone_. Holding my head in my hands, I need a minute to wrap my mind around what happened and I just lie back down, the sound of the clock ticking in the other room.

I push the sheets off me and carefully walk out of the room. The apartment is… _tidy_. No broken glass, nothing on the floor, only a strong bleach smell floating in the room. I look down at my hand and notice a small plaster around my finger. It almost feels like a dream, but when I squeeze it, a sharp pain shoots through my finger and reminds me that it wasn’t.

I open the window, trying to get rid of the strong smell and sit at the small kitchen table. I was so focused on the Joker that I’ve forgotten to check my phone. _Rose_. I sigh in relief when I see that I’ve received a message from her last night. I drop the phone back on the counter and look around the apartment. _I almost can’t believe last night happened_. _Was it last night?_ I squint and look at the clock. _It reads 9.00. It could have been the day before, I’m not sure_.

A loud knock makes me jump and my heart immediately sinks. _Is it him again?_! I get up and approach the front door quietly. I take a shaky breath before looking through the peephole, heart pounding. Somehow, what I see makes my heart twist even more and I slam my back against the door, mouthing a silent “shit.”

‘ **G** CPD, open the door!’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Until next time!


	4. A knock at the door

_Why are they here?!_ I rush to the window and shut it as quietly as possible before turning around, heart pounding _. Shit. Is it suspicious if my apartment stinks of bleach? No… I need to stop overthinking._ There’s another knock and I take a deep breath. Not opening the door would be worse so I tuck some loose hair behind my ear and walk back to the front door. _Keep it together_.

I open the door, face screwed in confusion. Two police officers are standing in the doorway, hands on their waists and as soon as I open the door, they glance behind me. _One of them looks familiar._

‘ **N** ora Wilde?’ the stumpy one asks without a smile.

‘ **Y** eah?’ I reply with a tired voice.

The little confidence I had is starting to disappear and I feel like they can read my mind just by looking at me.

‘ **W** e have a few questions. Can we come in?’

I try not to show anything and I nod, stepping aside.

‘ **S** ure.’

_In other circumstances, I’d be relieved to see the police, but the Joker’s got me right where he wants to. And he knows I'm not going to talk to them._

‘ **C** offee?’ I offer after clearing my throat nervously.

_Best case scenario, they’re here to ask if I’ve had any contact with the Joker. Worst case… the security camera recorded him entering the building._

‘ **Y** ep, thanks.’

I manage a fake smile and quickly read the badges on their respective uniforms. Rivers and Miles. _Miles_. My eyes widen when I finally remember why he’s familiar. I fill the kettle and my mind starts racing. _It’s Derren...Karen’s husband_. _If I remember right, he was one of the corrupt cops on the list that I gave Gordon. So why isn't he suspended?_

I put the sugar, milk, and coffee on the tray and carry it to the small table. Derren is scanning my living room like a hawk and I wonder why he still hasn’t said a word while the other officer is rummaging in his pocket for something. _Why am I even offering them a coffee? Am I being too friendly?_ I put the tray down and stand awkwardly on the other side of the coffee table. I don’t know what to do with my hands so I lean against the wooden bookcase, almost knocking Rose’s picture over.

‘ **S** o.’ The officer puts the cup down and clicks his pen with a sigh. ‘You probably got an idea why we’re here.’

He pauses to look at me and a wave of stress invades me. _What do I say? Yes...no?_

‘ **I** got an idea, yes,’ I reply vaguely.

The officer presses his lips together and continues.

‘ **A** s you probably know, twenty inmates have escaped Blackgate last month. One of them was the Joker,’ he pauses again, to sip his coffee.

_Or more likely to see my reaction. I’m not going to pretend I wasn’t aware of that._

‘ **I** ’m aware,’ I comment flatly.

‘ **N** ow, given your… _history_ with him, it wouldn’t be a crazy thing to assume he might try to contact you again.’

 _Get to the point_. Still quiet, Derren is staring right at me now and my fingers start tingling.

‘ **H** as he?’ he finally asks.

‘ **N** o,’ I reply precipitately, ‘I think if he had, I wouldn’t be here right now.’

The officer looks at me with narrow eyes, probably trying to decide if I’m full of shit or not.

‘ **R** ight,’ he finally says and I let a silent breath out.

Derren hasn’t touched his cup of coffee but he suddenly leans forward, elbows on his lap.

‘ **W** ould you let me have a look around? You know, so you can be in the clear.’ He starts rubbing his hands together. ‘Just a quick look and we’ll be on our way.’

 _Sure, Derren_. I force a smile on my face.

‘ **F** 'course.’

The only room I haven’t been in is the bathroom. I swallow hard and Derren gets up, lifting his belt with his hands.

‘ **I** ’ll check the rooms, you can continue,’ he says to the other officer.

 _So, Derren seems to be calling the shots_. Although he hasn’t talked a lot, his confidant demeanor speaks for itself.

‘ **T** here's something else I need to ask,’ the other officer continues. ‘Why are you back in Gotham? Why would you come back here after you faked your own death to escape some lunatic? Make me understand.’

_Well. I don’t think there’s a good enough reason, except for the truth...which I can’t tell._

‘ **I** … it’s...’ I sigh, staring at the floor. ‘My aunt is dying and she asked me to find her long-lost sister who lived here ten years ago. I’m looking for her. It’s the last thing she asked me to do, you know?’ I explain with a weak voice.

He nods a few times, pursing his lips.

‘ **M** ’sorry to hear that.’

 _Maybe I am getting better at lying_. Derren steps back in the living room, a bored expression on his face.

‘ **I** think we’re done here.’

 _Thank god._ I try not to look too relieved and I just nod quickly.

‘ **I** f there’s anything else I can do, let me know.’

‘ **C** an we have a number to reach you on? Just in case.’

I give him my number that he scribbles on his notepad and they both walk to the front door.

‘ **Y** ou have a good day, miss.’

Derren nods at me and shuts the door behind him.

I let a deep breath out and slump into the couch, the faint smell of cologne still lingering in the air. _That was stressful_. I get up and empty the cups in the sink, a headache starting at the back of my head. The adrenaline made me forget how shitty I feel, but now it’s definitely catching up with me and I rush to the bathroom. I kneel in front of the toilet bowl, my empty stomach clenching painfully.

I flush and wipe the tears with the back of my hand. As I’m about to splash my face with cold water, my heart jumps in my chest. I didn’t realize what was balancing on the edge of the sink. _The Joker’s switchblade._

‘ **W** hat…’ I whisper, frozen to the spot.

That means… _Derren definitely saw it but didn’t say anything_. I grab it with shaky hands and shove it in my pocket. _That’s why he decided to “search” the place himself._

I spend the rest of the day, lying on my couch, feeling nauseous and dizzy. I thought they were just side effects of the drug, but I’m starting to think that it could be a concussion. _I should be ok if I rest for a few days_...

I end up falling asleep, flannel over my forehead, my mind trying to untangle the mess of emotions I’m going through.

*

I wake up the next day, sun shining through my window. _My mood doesn’t exactly match the weather_. I get up to check that Rose texted me last night and as soon as I’ve read the message, I throw my phone back on the couch.

 _My apartment stinks_.

I open the window and lean out of it, with a sigh. I’ve lost track of the days, but the tacky decorations opposite my building instantly remind me what day it is. _It’s Halloween_. I drag my feet to the bathroom, nose crinkled. _And I seriously need a shower._

_________________

The door slams behind me and I shove my hands in my pocket, burying my neck into my jacket. My eyes are red, swollen and I’m unusually pale, but, as much as I don’t want to go out, I have to. _The last time I had a warm meal seems like a long time ago and... I need painkillers. So, here we go_.

As I walk down the busy street, I realize something. _I’m not scared anymore_. Of course, I’m worried about the Joker’s future plans, but I’m not scared of him pouncing on me while I’m out. _Ironically, my own apartment has become the place where I don’t feel safe anymore._

‘ **A** candle for 99 cents?’

The cashier’s voice pulls me out of my daydream and he starts waving a skull-shaped candle under my nose. I shake my head, counting my money.

‘ **I** ’ll make it two, just for you,’ he continues with a shy smile.

I stop counting and give him a blank look. _Is he talking to me?_

‘ **N** o, thanks,’ I mutter.

I give him the money and he throws one candle into my shopping bag before handing it to me with a wink.

‘ **H** ave it.’

He looks at me with an intense stare, almost as if he was waiting for something. _I hope he doesn't think I’ll start talking to him now._

‘ **T** hanks, I guess.’ I take the bag and quickly head out of the store.

On the way back, I slow down to look at the window displays. _I enjoyed Halloween when I was little. The only holiday I still enjoyed after the crash_. _I’d go trick-or-treating by myself, always wearing a mask just so people would treat me like any other kid._ I stop in front of my door and unlock it, trying to chase the memories floating in my mind.

As soon as the food is in the oven, I start typing a reply to Rose, but a knock at the door interrupts me. I freeze, my thumb hovering over the phone screen. _It’s the Joker_. I’m almost certain that nobody else would be using the knock “Shave and a haircut, two bits” at my door, other than... _him_.

After quickly pressing “send”, I put the phone down and walk to the door, a long and deep breath escaping my lips. The Joker is standing in front of me, leaning against the doorway with a duffle bag over his shoulder. He doesn’t say anything so I just stand there for a few seconds, completely still.

‘ **I** don’t mind you  _staring_ , but maybe you should, uh... let me _in_ before one of your dear neighbors sees me, hmm?’

I blink a few times and step aside. He enters my apartment with long strides and carelessly throws the bag in the corner of the room. I shut the door and turn around to face him. He’s already sitting on the couch, his dirty shoes propped up the table, staring at me.

‘ **W** hat do you want?’ I snap.

‘ **W** ell,’ he exhales loudly, ‘I was in the neighborhood and I just wanted to see how you were,’ he replies with a sly smirk.

‘ **I** ’m fine,’ I retort without a smile.

I walk back to the kitchen and start cleaning the glasses I’ve placed in the sink. _Maybe if I ignore him…_ Unfortunately, his persistent stare feels like it’s burning a hole at the back of my head and I wait anxiously for him to finally talk. After a few seconds of silence, he gets up and I can see his eyes roaming the open kitchen.

‘ **E** xpecting someone?’ he continues casually, opening the cupboards, one by one.

‘ **N** o.’

He finds a forgotten pack of crisps at the back of the cupboard and opens it, leaning against the counter. He picks up my phone, but before he can try to unlock it, I snatch it out of his hand. _Well, I try to_.

‘ **S** top it.’

The corner of his mouth twitches but he keeps the phone above his head, out of my reach, taking only one step towards me.

‘ **W** ell, _you_ have something that belongs to me.’

‘ **I** don’t,’ I retort coldly, soapy water dripping from my hands.

He drops my phone back on the counter and leans slightly forward.

‘ **O** h, you do.’

To my surprise, he places his gloved hand behind my back and slides it down. My whole body stiffens and I furrow my brows. _Is he…?_

‘ **T** hank you,’ he withdraws his hand and I see something metallic.

He flicks out the blade in front of my face and I mentally curse myself. _I forgot I had his switchblade in my pocket._

‘ ** _R_** _elax_ , I’m not gonna hurt you.’

My jaw tightens and I quickly turn around to dry my hands. _I figure if he wanted to kidnap me again, he’d have done so already. Hopefully._

‘ **W** hat are you _really_ doing here?’ I ask, quickly changing the subject.

A weird glint passing in his eyes, he takes the small candle out of the plastic bag with a quiet cackle.

‘ **W** ell, as you probably _know_ , it’s Halloween,’ he says, leaning with one elbow on the counter. ‘So I have plans for us tonight.’

 _Oh, I don’t like this_.

‘ **M** aybe I already have plans.'

‘ **W** ell, _maybe_ , yes, but,’ He looks up at the ceiling for a second. ‘You have no friends, Nora. Nobody ever comes to visit you, well… except _me_ , aaand, even if you _had_ plans, you know… You’d obviously cancel them.’

‘ **N** o,’ I immediately say.

‘ **T** hen _I'_ d do it for you.'

I glare at him and he grins, slipping out of his coat. Without a word, he walks to the bathroom and slams the door shut. I stay still, staring at the door for a minute. _What plans is he talking about?_

A few seconds later, I hear the shower running and I exhale loudly. I’m tempted to run out of the apartment and leave him here, but I don’t have a lot of places to run to... _And he’ll probably still be here when I come back_.

I turn the oven off, glancing sideways at the duffle bag in the corner of the room. I stare at the bathroom door again before rushing to the bag. I crouch and unzip it as quietly as possible, opening the bag wide. _Clothes, two clown masks and…_  The shower stops and I immediately zip it back up.

After sitting back down at the table, I just stare at the food in the oven. _I’m not hungry anymore_. I start clicking my fingers, my breathing getting slightly heavier.

‘ **Y** ou didn’t call the cops, did you?’ his voice makes me jump.

My eyes shoot up and I slowly shake my head, averting my gaze. Once again, I’m not used to seeing him without the makeup, completely bare. His hair is dripping wet and he’s changed his usual three-piece suit for a pair of black pants and a grey shirt. _Right now, I don’t need a reminder that he’s just a man… and_ _a handsome one, for that matter_.

I turn my gaze away from him, trying to stop the thoughts spinning in my head. _Focus on what’s important_.

‘ **S** o what are the plans for tonight?’ I ask again. ‘I mean, you’re a busy man, don’t you have something more _important_ to do?’

‘ **W** ell, things _are_ a bit boring right now,’ he admits, shutting the curtains with a silent swoosh. ‘I don’t know if you've heard, but Batman is nowhere to be seen and the criminals in this city are just _sooo_ … _bland_.’

‘ **I** ’m pretty bland too,’ I retort dryly.

He snorts and turns to me with a disapproving look.

‘ **N** o, you’re _not_.’

My phone starts ringing and I glance down. _It’s Rose._ I look over my shoulder, but the Joker is not paying attention to me anymore.

‘ **H** ey!’ I quickly walk to the bathroom, trying to sound as casual as possible.

_' **S** weetheart, I’m sorry to bother you, but I needed to tell you something about Jen…’ _

I wipe absently the puddles on the tiles, while Rose starts whispering over the phone. His clothes are rolled into a ball on the floor and I push them away with my feet. My toes hit something hard and I crouch, slipping my hand into one of the pockets. I furrow my brows and inspect the small bottle in my hand. _Chloroform. Great._ I put it back with a deep breath and close my eyes, focusing on my aunt’s voice.

‘ **S** he probably heard you.’ I finally say, clearing my throat.

_‘ **O** h you know how obvious I am, Nora, she probably did.’ _

A pang of sadness tightens my throat and I wish I could be with her. _I would give anything to be over there, spending time with her_. I take a deep breath and remind myself that the Joker is sitting on my couch right now. _Not the best time to get emotional._

_‘ **A** nyway you give my best to William and I hope you kids have fun.’ _

‘ **T** hanks, aunty.’

I wait for her to hang up before walking back to the living room. The Joker’s sitting on the couch, his head resting over his chest, his shoulders moving up and down, in rhythm with his slow breathing. Even in his sleep, I'm not comfortable staring at him as if he could somehow feel it. I turn around, but I freeze, adrenaline running through my veins.

_Maybe I should take the risk..._

I glance over my shoulder, biting my bottom lip. _I have to try something_. I return to the bathroom and open the chloroform bottle with a shaky hand. I immediately hold it at arm’s length, scared to inhale some by accident. _It smells kinda...sweet_. I place a cloth in the sink and drop some liquid on it. _Probably more than necessary._

‘ **T** his is crazy…’ I whisper to myself.

 _I have no idea what I’m doing._ I slowly walk back to the couch and stand in front of him. Driven by a stupid impulse, I shove the cloth over his nose and hold it there for what seems like an eternity. I see his chest going up and his eyes flutter for a second before closing completely. _Shit_. I drop my shaky hand, as his head lolls back, and a sudden thought crosses my mind. _How long is he going to be out?_ _I have to call Gordon right now_.  

I haven’t even turned around that his hand grips my cardigan and yanks me forward. My head almost bangs against the wall and I gasp in surprise. _What the…?!_ He pulls my wrists down so hard, I don’t even have time to react. In a split second, he has me sitting on top of him, my legs on each side of his body, one of his hand tangled in my hair. He snatches the cloth out of my hand and throws it across the room with a grunt. I close my eyes in defeat, heart pounding. _How stupid am I?_ He adjusts his hand in my hair, and I can feel his nails scratching my scalp _._

‘ **S** ooo…’ He twists his neck until a cracking sound echoes through the quiet room. ‘What was that? _Hmm_?’

I keep my gaze down, the stinging of my tender scalp bringing tears to my eyes.

‘ **H** ow -..?’ my voice cracks and I look away.

His mouth snaps shut and he squints his eyes.

 _‘_ ** _Y_** _ou..._ ,’ he drags the word out, ‘...shouldn’t play with _dangerous_ things. And knocking someone out takes a _little_ bit more time, Nora,’ he continues, tightening his grip on my hair, ‘but the attempt was, uh... _cute_.’

 _How embarrassing_... I purse my lips, a bitter feeling twisting my stomach. He pulls my hair, forcing me to look at him. The skin is still dark around his eyes, and there are traces of makeup around his hairline. I shift uncomfortably, trying not to let my full weight rest on him. As soon as I do, he yanks my hair back again. My nostrils flare but I swallow my words when I see his pupils dilating.

‘ **S** o tell me, do I have to start all over again with you, hmm? Back to square _one_? If you wanted _another_ punishment added to the list, you could’ve just said so.’

‘ **N** o,’ I say precipitately.

He tilts his head to the side, breathing loudly until a low chuckle erupts from his throat.

‘ **Y** ou are soooo much fun...and I won’t leave you alone until I’ve _squeezed_ every last bit of _fun_ out of you.’ He jerks his hand that’s still holding my hair, emphasizing each word.

‘ **L** et me go.’

He raises his eyebrows and the corners of his mouth drop. He immediately releases my hair, his hand hovering next to my head.

‘ **W** ell, you don’t have to stay right _here_ ,’ he retorts, shaking his head. ‘But you seemed, y’know... _comfortable_.’

 _Bastard_. I push myself off his lap and the corners of his eyes crinkle as soon as he sees my expression. I rub my scalp without a word and return to the kitchen, letting a slow breath out _._ For a few long seconds, I wait for him to get mad, to start threatening me, or to hurt me in any way possible, but none of this happens _. I guess it could have gone worse...and it’s almost unsettling._

‘ **B** ring me some food, while you’re _up_ , Nora.’

‘ **C** ould have poisoned it,’ I mutter under my breath... _just not quietly enough_.

His cackle is so spontaneous that I know it’s genuine. He points a finger at me, his lips drawing back in a snarl.

‘ **A** hhh _,_ _poison_ never stopped me before.’

I ignore his comment and get a plate out. A heavy silence settles and I glance sideways at him. He’s still staring at me, head tilted down in a creepy way and I grow uncomfortable _really_ fast. Biting my bottom lip, I open the top drawer with one finger trying to focus on my headache instead. He starts whispering things and my eyes meet his, still fixated on me. His expression hardens and I look away.

‘ **S** o, uh,’ I start, hoping he’ll stop whatever he’s doing. ‘About tonight..?’

He finally blinks and runs his tongue over his chapped lips.

‘ **W** hat's the fun part of Halloween?’ he asks, leading the conversation once again.

 _The fun part? His idea of “fun’’ is definitely not the same as mine._ He sighs dramatically and a muscle in his jaw twitches.

‘ **I** t involves, uh... _candy_ ,’ he adds, his tongue now probing the inside of his cheek.

‘ **T** rick-or-treating?’ I guess.

‘ **E** xactly, Nora.’ He sits back, hands crossed over his lap. ‘We’re going trick-or-treating. Well…’ He glances up at the ceiling and down at me. ‘ _Kind of_.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the love! <3
> 
> Next... a _crazy _night, so brace yourself.__


	5. Casualties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> So sorry I couldn't update sooner! I hope you enjoy the chapter and thank y'all again for the kudos/comments/bookmarks! I appreciate it! <3

I stare back at my reflection in the mirror with a sigh. _I can’t believe I’m doing this again_. I hear a loud thump in the other room, reminding me I don’t have the time to reflect on my actions yet. Taking a deep breath, I grab the clown mask and leave the bathroom.

‘ **C** ome on,’ the Joker opens the front door and steps aside.

I slip out, brushing past him and take a few hesitant steps down the hallway. Hopefully, none of my neighbors has the idea to come out of their apartment now. We take the stairs and even if he’s not talking, I can feel the excitement radiating from him. My body tenses even more and I grip the mask in my hand. My headache is getting worse and I feel like throwing up again.

As we exit the building, the Joker grabs my arm and pulls me closer to him.

‘ **T** onight, you’re only watching, Nora.’

 _“Only”._ I stare back at him and he raises one eyebrow. I nod once and his yellow grin disappears behind the mask. With a deep sigh, I put the mask on and we just stand by the road, in silence. I presume we’re waiting for someone and my throat is so tight, I can’t even talk anymore. My eyes travel across the windows on the other side of the road. _I wonder if someone is looking at us right now… but even if they were, two people wearing masks on Halloween wouldn’t be suspicious_.

A grey van turns into our street, engine roaring and I feel like running back in, locking the door and calling the police. _But I can’t_.

The door swings open before the vehicle has even come to a complete stop and the Joker elbows me. I get in first, realizing I’ll be sitting next to one of his henchmen. I try to keep my cool,  but I can already feel my hands shaking. I’m trapped in the middle and the Joker quickly shuts the door before the van pulls out. Cigarette smoke mixed with sweat lingers in the air and I’m grateful to be wearing the mask.

The drive is uncomfortable and I keep my eyes on the digital clock, hoping they won’t start talking to me. After a couple of tasteless jokes, they finally decide to shut up, but the silence that follows is making me even more nervous. I’m forced to push my legs against the Joker’s, not wanting any physical contact with the stranger on my left.

‘ **F** irst time I see a woman with us,’ the one in the passenger’s seat breaks the silence.

I lift my eyes and the man next to me slightly shifts in his seat. I can feel him staring at me, but I keep my eyes on the clock.

‘ **S** how us your face, sweetheart, come on,’ he says in a low voice.

He reaches forward and tries to tug at my mask. I’m so nervous that my hand reacts before I can even stop it, slapping the back of his own hand.

‘ **D** on’t touch me,’ I retort quietly, voice muffled by the mask.

The driver instantly chuckles and I hear a muffled snort on my right. I hide my shaky hands between my lap and I glance sideways at the Joker. He hasn’t moved or said anything and I know that the others have no idea he’s sitting in their car.

‘ **O** k, my apologies, _princess_.’ The other guy sighs, shifting in his seat again.

‘ **W** e’re almost there,’ the driver slows down and leans forward, looking at the houses.

We’re in the _nice_ part of Gotham, the _safe_ part. The houses are standing tall, large porches decorated with pumpkins and skeletons, tall trees perfectly aligned on both sides of the road. The street looks like it belongs in a movie, almost too perfect. I spot a few kids walking along the curb, laughing and, pointing at each other.

We turn left and stop at the end of the street. As soon as the engine turns off, all four doors swing open and everybody jumps out. I follow reluctantly, pulling the zipper up to my chin. _At least, the fresh air is making my headache bearable_. I don’t pay much attention but one of the clowns fiddles with the car keys still in the ignition and I see the Joker kneeling in front of the vehicle, reaching for something in his bag. I turn my back to him and look around the deserted street.

‘ **C** ome on,’ the driver says.

I turn around and they’re already walking away from me. I try to match their speed, staying by the Joker’s side. _I wonder why he’s hiding behind a mask... Does he want to see how they act when he’s not around?_ I don’t have the time to think too much as we’re already approaching a house. My breath gets caught in my throat and I freeze for a second, staring at the four men standing on the porch.

‘ **L** adies first.’

I stare at the clown mask, slowly processing his words, before stepping onto the porch. I let a silent breath out and knock twice. There’s an exasperated sigh and one of the clowns pushes me aside and starts pounding on the door. The Joker is right behind me and I’m not sure if I’m unconsciously leaning back or if he steps closer to me, but his chest is now brushing my back. The door opens and I glance up nervously. A grey-haired man appears in the doorway but the smile on his face quickly disappears when he realizes that five adults are standing on his porch.

‘ **T** rick or treat?’ one of the clowns asks.

The man glances at our masks, worry filling his eyes, but he takes too long to react.

‘ **W** hat do you think you’re do-...’ he starts.

The Joker steps in front of me and pushes the door wider, making the man recoil in fear. They all enter the house and I just stand at the door, frozen. The last man turns to me, his expressionless mask facing me and I finally step in. He shuts the door behind me and I move aside, glancing at the living room. The man is shielding a woman, probably his wife, who’s holding her hands in front of her mouth, eyes wide open. _This is wrong_.

‘ **Y** ou can take whatever you want, just don’t hurt us, please!’ the man begs, taking a step back.

One of the clowns starts going through the drawers, while another one steps closer to them, handgun drawn.

‘ **W** e will take what we want and it _will_ hurt.’

The woman immediately cries out and the man tries to comfort her, his whole body shaking. The Joker isn’t really paying attention, just circling around the room, a shotgun in his hand, inspecting all the family pictures. Noticing the candy bowl sitting on the coffee table, he reaches for it and shoves a handful in his pocket.

‘ **Y** ou weren’t so quiet the other day.’ The other clown grips the man’s collar and drags him towards the middle of the room.

_The other day?_

‘ **L** eave him alone!’ the woman screams in panic, trying to grab his hands before he gets pulled away.

I hear the man mumbling some vague threats about the GCPD but they’re not listening to him anymore.

‘ **W** hat do we need again?’ the clown lifts his head, one foot pinning the man to the floor.

_He’s staring right at me._

‘ **T** he tongue,’ the Joker replies, voice clear even through the mask.

‘ **A** h-ah, that’s right,’ the clown crouches and puts his gun away. ‘The tongue.’

The poor man’s eyes widen at the realization and he starts shaking his head frenetically.

‘ **N** o, no, no, what is this about?!’ His voice goes high pitched.

Before he can say anything else, two hands are prying his jaws open and the Joker kneels in front of his face. My heart skips a beat and I’d give anything not to be here right now. The cries and whimpers are filling my ears and I just see the metallic glint of a blade before I close my eyes. I squeeze them shut when the cries turn into strangled screams, piercing my ears. My heart beats fast, too fast, and soon the screams die and there’s a heavy sigh. I open my eyes and stare at the woman sobbing over her unconscious husband. I don’t dare to look at his face, though, I see red from the corner of my eye and that’s all I need. I hold my breath when I see the Joker wrap the tongue in a black cloth and step towards me, his head slightly tilted. _Who are these poor people?_

I blink rapidly when one clown grabs the woman by the hand and turns to us.

‘ **W** hat do we do with her?’

There’s a short silence and I could swear I hear the Joker chewing his scars from where I’m standing. _He’s getting impatient_. My face scrunches up in horror when I see the clown starting to undo his belt hurriedly. _No._ I have already taken a step forward when a deafening sound suddenly resonates in my ears, sending my heart straight up into my throat. I don’t hear anything for a second, just staring at the shotgun shell on the floor. There’s blood everywhere and, against my better judgment, I let my eyes wander around. I gasp and immediately turn around, acid burning the back of my throat. _There’s blood all over the wall and carpet, teeth, bones, hair, an eyeball…_ I inhale deeply, legs shaking. The Joker takes his mask off with a sigh and steps over the body.

‘ ** _M_** _anners_ ,’ he snarls.

The remaining clowns take a step back, not daring to utter a word. The woman is sitting on the floor, blood covering her face, mouth wide open but no sound coming out. The Joker slowly turns his face towards her and tilts her head to the side with three fingers. My head is pounding now and my breathing gets even more shallow when I spot his switchblade in his hand. _I know what’s going to happen and I wish I could stop it._ Without a sound, the blade slides into her throat, blood quickly pouring out of the wound. Her hands reach for her throat, trying to slow the flow of blood but only a gurgling sound echoes around the room. My chest heaves and I turn away again. I feel like my heart is beating in my head and all my muscles are clenching.

I feel... _disconnected_ and it all feels strangely familiar. My ears are still ringing pretty bad, the voices fade, and I stare at the clowns. _I can’t even see the Joker anymore. I can’t focus on anything._ The blood on the floor is like a puddle of red paint and my eyes travel lazily around the living room. I blink a few times, hoping the police arrive before the man wakes up. I feel a solid shove between my shoulder blades and I move forward, almost like a robot.

 _A gust of wind_ , _we’re back outside._ I keep my gaze forward, following the blurry figures in front of me.

‘ **N** ora...’

The Joker is talking to me, and I glance up at his face. _I think he asked me a question, but I’m not sure_. I lick my dry lips and try to ask “what” but the word gets stuck in my throat. _I feel like someone is sitting on my chest, making every breath laborious._ I hear a laugh and realize the Joker has already walked away from me.

I shake my head, trying to get my brain off of autopilot. _I can’t keep doing this. I’m not a victim anymore, I’ve become an accomplice. If I don’t talk or try to stop it, then… I’m as bad as they are._

‘ **T** rick or treat?’

I barely notice the Joker forcing his way into the next house and I follow mechanically, wiping a drop of sweat from under the mask. _What do I do?_ I stare at the couple trying to reason with the clowns and the sudden feeling of deja vu is strong, bitter. _I keep wishing I could do things differently and here it is. My chance to try again and do better. Except I don’t_. Instead, I cower against the wall with my eyes shut. I hear screams, cries and, again, I can almost smell the blood everywhere. I hear something about a “weapon shipment”, and I try to understand what they want, but I don’t make much sense of it. _And it’s probably better if I don’t._ They manhandle him, scaring him to the point where he tries to make a run for it. The Joker grabs him by the collar before he can open the door and pulls him back. His maniacal laugh startles me and I hear the other two henchmen whispering something.

‘ **W** ell, someone’s _faast_ ,’ he says, his nasal voice echoing around the room.

Suddenly my eyes are wide open and I stare, horrified, at the poor man on the floor. Both clowns are holding him down, taking his socks off. With one hand, the Joker holds the ankle down and with the other, he holds a knife over the heel. The man starts squirming but he doesn’t stop, pressing into the hard skin, the blade tearing through the flesh. A strangled scream erupts from the man’s throat and my breathing starts accelerating. I feel like I can hear the blade cutting through the skin and I face the wall, eyes screwed shut.

‘ **W** here are you gonna run now, _hmm_?’

The Joker’s voice seems to be far away now and the sudden urge to leave the room is stronger than anything else. I stagger toward the closest door and open it without looking back. I close it immediately, letting my head fall forward, forehead resting against the door.

‘ **K** eep it together,’ I whisper to myself three times before opening my eyes.

I take a deep breath, heart pounding. A large dog is standing in the middle of the kitchen, tail tucked between its legs, staring at me.

‘ **O** k,’ I slowly take my mask off, putting it down on the side.

I lower my hands, not daring to take a step back. I’ve never been around many dogs so I’m not sure how to react, and my heart is beating uncomfortably fast. _Pretty sure, the dog knows I’m not a friend if it’s been standing here, listening to the screams._ I quickly scan the kitchen, searching for a distraction.

‘ **F** ood?’ I blurt out, pointing at the dog biscuits.

After a few seconds, his tail starts wagging and he sits obediently. I let a long sigh out and drop a generous amount of biscuits on the floor. The dog immediately loses interest in me and rushes towards the food.

I step away and lean against the counter on the opposite side of the kitchen, rubbing my neck. I can’t hear any more screams, only faint voices. _Are the police on their way? Even on Halloween, I’m sure a neighbor must have heard the screams and called them_.

The door suddenly opens with a creak and the Joker casually strides into the kitchen, dropping the shotgun right next to me. I don’t move, just staring at the floor, waiting for him to say something. He washes his gloves, the red water disappearing beyond the metal drain. He then turns to me and places his hands on my knees, meeting my eyes with an intense gaze.

‘ **H** ow are you _feeling_ , Nora?’

My jaw clenches but I bite my tongue, instead just staring at him blankly. The dog slowly walks up to us and sniffs his shoes. The Joker closes his mouth, looking at the dog for a second before giving it a small pat on the head. Staring at a spot over my head, he shoves a hand into his pocket, the other one still on my knee. As soon as I see the gun, I shake my head.

‘ **A** re you gonna shoot the dog too?’ I ask bitterly.

He looks at me intently, his head tilting slowly to the left and to the right.

‘ **A** re you gonna… _stop_ me?’ he asks, cocking the gun.

I’m about to reply but I press my lips together instead. _I know what he’s thinking._ _I haven’t done anything to stop him from killing people, but suddenly I’m going to defend a dog?_ I feel like he can read my mind because the corner of his mouth twitches and his eyes roll back a little.

‘ **R** elax, Nora, I won’t hurt the little _pooch_ ,’ he chuckles and grabs the shotgun. ‘Up,’ he orders, shoving it into my hands.

Hands shaking, I follow him out, keeping my eyes on the floor. The other clowns are already at the door, waiting for us, and the Joker slows down, searching his pocket. He throws the joker card across the room and it lands perfectly in a pool of blood, the edges of the card slowly sinking. As soon as he nods, they get out and I finally step outside, breathing in deeply. The Joker is the last one to step off the porch, muttering under his breath, waving his gun in the air.

‘ **D** rop the gun!’

He freezes and my head snaps up. A neighbor is standing on his porch, gun aimed at the Joker. My eyes widen and I look back at him, heart pounding. _He’s brave... but also really stupid_. The Joker turns around, slowly raising his hand. With a sigh, he ejects the magazine from the gun, the corners of his mouth dropping.

‘ **Y** ou got me,’ he says theatrically.

‘ **T** he police will be here any second,’ the man continues with a shaky voice, tightening the grip on his gun.

‘ ** _H_** _m-hm_.’

The Joker turns his head towards me, slightly shifting from one foot to the other. Incredibly fast, he aims at the man and shoots. I gasp, the gunshot echoing around the quiet street. The man moans in pain before dropping on his knees, police sirens resonating in the distance. The Joker casually picks up the magazine and puts his gun away.

All of a sudden, the sharp shrill of a police siren cuts through the air, _very close_. The Joker snatches the shotgun out of my hands and pushes a strand of hair off his face, grinning.

‘ ** _O_** _ops_. Time to go.’ He turns around, his arms outstretched. ‘Every man for himself.’

Without a second thought, the other men dart off across the street, disappearing behind houses. The adrenaline shoots down my legs and I dart off in the opposite direction. Running across someone’s property, I climb over a wall and jump over a fence, heart beating in my ears. Once I made it into another deserted street, I run across a back alley, hoping it’s not a dead-end. I slow down when the darkness starts surrounding me and I try to catch my breath, leaning forward, the gravel crunching under my shoes.

A few seconds later, I hear footsteps and I duck, hiding behind a dumpster. I press my hand over my mouth, trying to be as quiet as possible. My heart is still pounding so hard, I can barely hear anything else.

‘ **W** hat are you doing, hmm?’

 _God_. I remove my hand and straighten up, without a word. I let a deep breath out when I see the Joker’s face emerge from the darkness. He’s not even out of breath, as if he was just casually walking behind me.

‘ **Y** ou said every man for himself, I’m not gonna stand there, waiting for the cops!’ I retort, not even trying to keep my voice down.

‘ **T** hat wasn’t meant for _you_ , Nora.’ He leans against the dumpster, giving me a disapproving look. ‘You’re not a man.’

The adrenaline starting to fade, I sit on the floor and look up at the flashing lights reflecting on the wall. The Joker lifts one finger as if he was waiting for something, before flipping his pocket watch open.

‘ **N** ow we can go.’ he slams it shut, with an exaggerated sigh and walks away.

‘ **W** here are we going?’ I ask, struggling to match his pace.

He gives me a sidelong glance and raises one eyebrow.

‘ **U** hh… _Home_?’ he replies as if the answer was obvious.

‘ ** _M_** _y_ home?’

‘ **W** ell, if you’re inviting me…’

‘ **I** ’m not.’

‘... **I** accept,’ he continues with a smirk. ‘I mean, Gotham _is_ a dangerous city, y’know, it’s not safe for a _girl_ to live alone.’

Before I can reply, he crosses the road and looks around him, sighing defeatedly. Except for two kids walking down the street, it’s empty. After a few seconds though, a car turns in our street and the Joker lets out a relieved “ _Ahhhh_ ”. I cross my arms and start fidgeting, giving a nervous glance around me. The driver starts beeping before stopping the car. They suddenly try to reverse, but the Joker is faster, already pointing the shotgun at their window. He makes an impatient gesture and a terrified woman opens the door, her hands up. He points the gun down without a smile.

‘ **O** ut.’

She undoes her seatbelt without hesitation and almost jumps out of the car. He throws her handbag out and settles behind the wheel. I just stand there and, for a second, I meet her eyes. _She’s scared of me._

‘ **S** hall I uh... start _hitting_ her for you to get in?’

The threat is left hanging in the air and I quickly get in the car, avoiding to look at the woman again. As soon as I slam the door shut, the Joker revs the engine with a low cackle and tightens his gloved hands around the steering wheel. I take a deep breath and my head falls back against the seat. He doesn’t talk once, just humming happily, his eyes glued to the road. The minutes seem to stretch out and I find myself staring at the clock again.

After a twenty-minute drive, I start recognizing the streets and I straighten into my seat, glancing outside. The car stops next to a group of teenagers sitting on a wall, smoking and laughing. We both get out and the Joker immediately walks around the front of the vehicle towards them. The voices fade quickly and fear passes over their faces, a strange glint of admiration in some of the boys’ eyes. He throws the keys to one of them, before grabbing my hand and pulling me forward.

‘ **H** ave fun!’ he snarls at them, tightening his hold on my hand.

We’re not far from my place now and my heart starts beating faster. _He hasn’t let go of my hand and it’s starting to feel uncomfortably intimate._ I get my keys out as soon as the building is in sight and he immediately quickens the pace, forcing me to run next to him.

‘ **H** ow did you get in last time?’ I ask when we reach the main entrance.

I’m pretty sure he’s heard me, but he doesn’t reply.

After going up the flight of stairs leading to my floor, he stops in his tracks and pushes me back against the wall. He stares at me with his eyebrows raised and I peek around the corner. There’s a man waiting in front of the elevator and, just as my head must appear around the corner, we make eye contact for a millisecond. _Great._

‘ **Y** ou ok there?’ the man asks and I immediately glance at the Joker.

He rolls his eyes and nods. I straighten my back and walk around the corner as casually as possible. I force a smile on my lips as I glance at the middle-aged man still staring at me. _I have to say something... he must think I’m a lunatic, hiding around the corner, spying on people._

‘ **A** re you miss Wilde, by any chance?’ he asks before I can even think of something to say.

 _Oh_. I stop in front of my door, fingers tightening around my keys.

‘ **U** h... yeah.’

A soft ding resonates and the elevator doors open.

‘ **J** acob Pierce, the landlord.’ He turns to face me with a polite smile. ‘I sent you a letter a few weeks ago, reminding you about the rent. You’re one month behind.’

I glance behind me at the empty hallway.

‘ **I** ’m sorry, I’ll make sure to pay this week.’

‘ **G** ood.’ The man nods quickly, before continuing. ‘Have you had any problems with your heating? I’ve had a few complaints, some of the radiators in the building have stopped working. I tried to have a look but, there’s nothing I can do until Monday, I’m afraid.’

I wish he’d stop talking and leave but I force another smile on my face.

‘ **N** o, no problems for me,’ I reply, ‘but, I… I mean, it’s nice of you to come in person.’

I’m really not good at small talk and the fact that the Joker is standing right around the corner isn’t helping.

‘ **I** guess it is.’ He enters the elevator, holding the doors open. ‘You have a good night now and don’t forget about the rent.’

‘ **I** won’t.’

To my relief, the doors close and I quickly turn the key in the lock. Without waiting for the Joker, I leave the door open and rush to the bathroom. I hear the door slamming shut a few seconds later but I’m already on my knees, leaning over the toilet bowl. The tears run down my cheeks and I use some toilet paper to blow my nose.

_I feel like hell._

I let the water run and lean forward, holding the edges of the sink for support, my stomach still clenching. The vivid images from the evening are swirling through my mind and I can still hear the screams of pain.

I turn off the faucet and walk out of the bathroom. The Joker is sitting on my couch, rummaging through the duffle bag and I slip into the kitchen, grabbing my phone off the counter.

 _Two texts from Rose and five missed calls from Pedro_.

I read the first message but I have to stop halfway through the second one.

_I’m so proud of you, Nora…_

I shake my head and put my phone back down. _There’s nothing to be proud of… She’d be mortified if she could see me now_. The tears prickle my eyes and I lean against the counter, massaging the back of my neck.

‘ **W** ell, that was  _fun_.’ the Joker’s voice is close behind me.

I sniffle loudly and wipe the tears off my face, keeping my back turned.

‘ **L** eave me alone,’ I retort coldly.

‘ ** _A_** _www_ , don’t tell me I broke you _that_ easily.’

‘ **E** asily?!’ I snap, turning around. ‘It’s been a year!’

He tilts his head to the side, with a confused look.

‘ **N** ow, that’s a lie, Nora.’ He bites his bottom lip, accentuating the scars. ‘You spent most of that time _hiding_ from me.'

My eyes flicker and I clench my teeth. _Even when he wasn’t with me, he was still invading my mind, fueling my nightmares. He knows that_. His eye twitches and he squints as if he was trying to read my mind.

‘ **I** ’d _hate_ to be inside your head right now. So many… _emotions_. Anger, hate, love.’ His eyelids droop a little and he licks his lips. ‘ _Lust_.’

I stare back at him, eyes squinting.

‘ **Y** ou’re sick,’ I spit.

‘ **O** f course, I am,’ he replies in a playful voice and he tucks one strand of hair behind my ear. ‘And so are... _you_.’

‘ **I** ’m not sick.’ I retort through gritted teeth.

He cackles and looks at me with a pitying look.

‘ **O** k, Nora, _whatever_ you say,’ he mocks me.

Tears drying, I suddenly feel a rush of adrenaline running through my veins.

‘ **I** 'm not SICK.’ I raise my voice and give him a hard shove.

 _Of course, he barely moves._ My breath becomes heavy and my whole body is trembling. The sudden anger takes me by surprise and my eyelids twitch for a second. He takes a step towards me and his glare intensifies, his jaw clenching a few times.

‘ **Y** ou wanna… _hit_ me? Oh, we _can_ go there if you want, doll, but remember...’ He straightens his tie, a cruel grin stretching the corners of his mouth. ‘Sometimes, when you _give_ something, you get it _back_.’

I exhale quietly, the threat still resonating in my ears. The adrenaline starts to dissipate already and I take a step back. I want to say something, something to wipe the grin off his face, but it’s pointless. So, without another word, I turn around and disappear into the bedroom.

Thankfully, he doesn’t follow me and I collapse on the bed, exhausted. I feel dirty and I wish I had the energy to take a shower but all I can manage is to take my pants off and lay curled up in bed.

*

My eyes snap open, staring at the wall. The room is dark but I can hear footsteps behind me, approaching the bed. _Is he coming to sleep in my bed?_ I get my answer when the mattress dips as he sits next to me.

I swallow quietly, hearing him shift for a few seconds. Slowly, he gets closer to me, his chest against my shoulder blades and he places one of his arms around me, just over my chest. I immediately try to push it away but the muscles in his arm clench and he holds me even tighter. I suddenly remember that my legs are exposed but, thankfully, I feel the rough material of his pants against my bare skin. I don’t have it in me to fight it so I take a deep breath, trying to ignore his presence, his chin brushing the top of my head.

‘ **S** hhh,’ he whispers, trying to soothe me.

I don’t want to let this monster help me fall back to sleep, but my body seems to have decided otherwise _._ After a minute, my eyes start closing and my mind gets foggier.

He buries his nose in my hair, inhaling deeply. His long fingers creep up to my throat, his thumb trailing along the side of my neck and his hands twitch almost imperceptibly, fighting a sudden urge.

Soon my body lies limp against him and he lets out a low chuckle, his voice floating eerily in the bedroom.

‘ ** _S_** _weet_ _dreams_.’

___________________

As soon as my eyes flutter open, I sit up with a gasp. _I know I’ve just woken up from a nightmare, a terrifying one, but the details are slowly slipping from my grasp... until I’m left with nothing._ I glance at the empty spot next to me. _Is he sleeping on the couch?_ I push the covers off my legs and put my pants back on before slipping out of the room.

‘ **H** ere to keep me company?’ the Joker’s voice startles me.

My gaze travels from the couch covered with empty wrappers to the opened bottle of whiskey on the coffee table. I turn around and he’s facing me, the remote control in his hand. There’s an awkward silence but I just stand still, not knowing what to say.

‘ **U** m…’ I furrow my brows, mouth dry. ‘No, I just… I need a drink,’ I finally mumble, walking around him to reach the sink.

Even with my back turned, I can feel his eyes fixed on me.

‘ **W** hat are you doing up at this time?’ I regret the question as soon as it escapes my mouth.

_It almost sounds like I’m trying to start a casual conversation._

‘ **U** h, _relaxing_.’ he slumps onto the couch, patting the spot beside him.

I approach the couch and sink into it, glancing at the screen. The news channel is on but I can’t look at it more than a few seconds, the bright light of the screen burning my eyes.

‘ ** _S_** _leeping_ is relaxing too, especially in the middle of the night.’ I mutter, getting back up.

He grips my wrist and pulls me back down with a “tut-tut”.

‘ **D** rink.’ He grabs the bottle and hands it to me.

I scrunch up my face and push the bottle away from me.

‘ **N** o, I don’t wan-…’ My voice trails off as I stare at the screen again.

Even if there’s no sound coming from the TV, I manage to read a few words scrolling down the screen.

_Halloween Chaos… Home invasions… Four dead, two gravely injured._

The Joker unmutes the TV and rests his arm on the back of the couch behind me, his fingertips brushing my shoulder.

 _' **O**_ _ne of_   _the attackers was found dead in the house. His identity hasn’t been revealed yet, but DNA evidence has b-...’_

‘ **O** h, _by the way_ ,’ the Joker starts, turning his head towards me, his warm fingers still trailing circles on my skin. ‘Did you, uh… _lose_ anything last night?’

Goosebumps spread over my arm and I frown, not sure what he’s talking about. As I'm about to shove the question out of my mind, the thought hits me like a train and my heart sinks.

_I left the mask._

Panic starts flooding my veins and I curse under my breath _. I left it in the kitchen... Can they get DNA from it? Of course, they can. Because of what happened last year, I’m almost sure I’m already in their database, so it won’t be long before they get a match_. The Joker cackles and takes another sip of alcohol, passing me the bottle.

‘ **Y** ou knew I left it,’ I say, my voice barely audible. ‘You did it on purpose.’

He fakes a shocked expression and his tongue darts out and back in.

‘ ** _M_** _e?!_ I’ve only just remembered _now_ ,’ he protests, shaking his head. ‘ _You_ left it.’

 _I did_. I don’t have the energy to get mad or even move away from him, too busy imagining all kinds of scenarios.

‘ **D** on’t be scared.’ He removes his arm and props his feet up on the table, leaning toward me. ‘You know I’m here for _you_.’

My throat tightens painfully and I take the bottle of whiskey out of his hand, downing a mouthful with a grimace. _That’s exactly what he wanted. To put me in a position where I can’t turn to the police anymore_. The tears threaten to roll and I down another mouthful, the bitter liquid burning its way down my throat.

 _I’m in trouble_.


	6. Purple Clouds

There’s a strange static noise in my ears and, for a few seconds, I have an overwhelming feeling of deja-vu.

‘ **L** ooks like _someone’s_ had too much to drink.’

 _The Joker_. His voice shouldn’t be so close to me and I realize that my eyes are still shut. There’s a long sigh and my eyes snap open. All I see is him, his face inches from mine, his cold eyes staring at me. That’s when I finally register where I am. _On my couch. Straddling him._

‘ **W** hat…’ I whisper, looking down in confusion.

My pants are off, leaving me in a pair of black panties I don’t remember owning. His large hands are gripping my hips, holding me down on his lap.

‘ **W-** What are you doing?’ I ask weakly.

‘ **O** h, _Nora_ ,’ he emphasizes my name with a slow drawl. ‘Are we, uh, playing _innocent_ now?’

 _I don’t understand_. The room starts spinning around me and I try to get off him but my legs seem to be locked into place. I manage to pull my hips up, but it only makes it easier for him to undo his pants with one hand, the other one stroking my hair almost affectionately.

‘ **W** ait, wait,’ I say precipitately, trying to stop him.

‘ **S** hhh,’ he whispers, fisting his hand in my hair.

‘ **W** ait, please!’ I beg, my voice betraying a sudden panic.

‘ **L** isten to me.’ He yanks my hair back, drawing me closer to his face. ‘Stop. _Fighting_. We both know this was gonna happen eventually _._ ’

The static noise starts again and my eyes slowly drift around the room, trying to remember how we got to _this_.

‘ **L** ook at me.’ He jerks my head again, not allowing me to break eye contact with him. ‘It’s not my fault if you choose to, uh…’ he pauses, his eyes rolling up quickly. ‘...repress your _feelings_ for me.’

I keep my head still, trying to form a coherent sentence.

‘ **W** ait, we can’t do _that_.’

He opens his mouth but then pauses, his head tilting to the side. He squints and I can hear him grinding his teeth slowly.

‘ **O** h, we can,’ he says almost in a whisper, his hand tight in my hair. ‘In case you haven’t  noticed, we’re _about to._ ’

I shake my head, eyes widening but he resumes pushing his pants down with a chuckle. I immediately feel him, hard against the inside of my thigh and the thin fabric of my underwear is suddenly the only thing left between us. I barely manage to shift on my knees, trying to avoid any skin contact. My pathetic struggle seems to amuse him and he licks his scars, his lips stretching slowly.

‘ **D** on’t be scared, Nora, it’s only gonna hurt a _little._ ’

A low grunt rumbles in his chest and his fingers slowly pull my panties to the side, exposing me to the cold air.

‘ ** _S_** _ooo_.’ His voice drops and he cracks his neck. ‘You have _five_ seconds to sit... _down.'_

I shake my head frantically and he just stares at me with dead eyes, his tongue slowly running over his teeth, no trace of amusement left on his face.

‘ **W** ait.’ My belly tightens in panic, but I don’t know what to say anymore. ‘Please just-...’

Ignoring my pleas, he slowly pushes my hips into his lap, and the grunt that escapes his throat sends chills down my spine. His eyes slightly roll back and he shakes his head rapidly, nails digging into my skin.

‘ **O** h, I _really_ like you.’

With that, he pushes me all the way down and his grunt turns into a burst of cruel laughter that quickly fills my ears. _It’s not real_.

‘ ** _S_** _hit!_ ’ I gasp.

I wake up on the couch, legs kicking and I quickly prop myself up on my elbows. A peaceful silence surrounds me so I lie back down with a sigh of relief. My heart is still beating fast and I take a deep breath, trying to collect my thoughts. _That was… disturbing_. I can still hear his laugh echoing in my head, feel his long fingers on my skin and a violent shiver jerks my whole body. _It felt so real._

‘ ** _B_** _ad_ dream?’

I barely flinch when I see the Joker stepping into the living room. He’s wearing his usual suit, sleeves rolled up, holding a letter in his hand.

‘ **S** omething like that,’ I mumble, avoiding his gaze. ‘Why are you opening my mail?’ I can’t keep the irritation from my voice.

‘ **Y** our account is almost empty, Nora,’ he ignores my question, tossing the bank statement aside with a grimace. ‘What’s your plan when you, uh, run out of money, hmm?’

‘ **M** y _plan_?’ I scoff, wiping my eyes. ‘What do you care anyway? It’s just another thing you can laugh about.'

My head starts spinning and I sit back with a heavy sigh.

‘ **I** would never laugh at _you_ , Nora. What kind of monster do you think I am?'

I don’t reply, my eyes fixed on the floor, but he doesn’t care as he continues.

‘ ** _A_** _nyway_ , I need you to run a few errands for me.’

‘ **N** o,’ I reply mechanically, rubbing my forehead.

‘ **Y** es,’ he retorts, picking up another letter. ‘There are, uh… _endless_ ways to make you comply, so how about we, y’know, _skip_ that and go straight to the part where you agree, hmm?’ he adds with his eyebrows raised.

I keep my eyes glued to the floor, deep in thought.

‘ **F** ine,' I say quietly.

To be honest, the gravity of the situation is slowly starting to sink in again and I feel terrified. _I’ve been dragged into his mess and I’m in too deep now_. I barely manage to swallow, the lump in my throat slowly choking me. _I can’t go to prison. I’d get eaten alive_. The Joker clears his throat loudly, waving a piece of paper in front of my face.

‘ **W** hat if I get arrested?’ I can’t help to ask out loud.

‘ **O** h, but you won’t.’ He crouches in front of me and rests a hand on my knee. ‘Well, not _yet_.’

I stare at the white stains his fingers are leaving on my pajamas and for a second, I wish he would comfort me… _or at least show some signs of empathy._ I chuckle at how pathetic it is, wanting compassion or comfort from the very man who put me in this situation. I snatch the list out of his hand and get up reluctantly.

‘ **H** ow much is that gonna cost me?’

The Joker searches his pocket before slipping a few notes into mine.

‘ **B** e _quick_ ,’ he instructs me before turning away.

 _I have no intention of lingering around outside anyway_. I quickly change my clothes and put my jacket on, ready to head out.

________________

‘ ** _H_** _ello?_ ’

‘ **S** orry?’ I blurt out, the voice bringing me back to reality.

‘ **I** said 38.50 _,_ please.’ The cashier is looking at me expectantly, his eyebrows raised.

I give him the money and as he opens the cash register, he glances up at me with a smirk.

‘ **W** hat are you gonna do with all that, a bomb?’ he jokes.

‘ **M** aybe,’ I reply dryly.

He chuckles again, handing me back the change.

‘ **G** ood luck, I guess.’

I nod and take the bag before heading back out. I put my hood up and quickly cross the street. _Not long ago, I was scared to go out and come across the Joker but today… my heart jumps every time I see a police car_.

I take a deep breath and try to think rationally. _There’s no point to panic, nothing is going to happen right now_. Eyes glued to the floor, I start counting my steps, trying not to focus too much on my surroundings.

*

I’m back at my apartment twenty minutes later and the Joker snatches the bag out of my hands before I even get the chance to shut the door.

‘ **Y** ou’re welcome,’ I mumble, kicking off my shoes.

He only grunts as a reply before shoving the supplies into another bag. He’s leaving, I realize, and I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. _I’m nervous_.

‘ **S** tay put, Nora.’

He closes the door behind him and I sit on my couch, an uncomfortable silence surrounding me. After staring at my wall for ten minutes, I decide to keep myself occupied and start cleaning all the rooms.

______________

I throw the rubber gloves away and turn on the TV. Flicking through the channels, I come across an old cartoon I loved as a kid and I settle into the couch, phone in hand. _How long does it take for the police to get a DNA match?_ I start scrolling through the results but I’m quickly interrupted by a call. _Rose_.

‘ **H** i, aunty.’

‘ **S** weetheart, how are you?’

‘ **I** ’m good,’ I lie, trying to sound light-hearted. ‘How are you feeling today?’

‘ **N** ot too bad, Nora. Today is a good day. What have you planned for tomorrow, anything special?’

I take a second to think. _What day is it?_ I look down at my phone. _Oh. It’s my birthday tomorrow._

‘ **A** restaurant and a movie probably,’ I reply evasively.

‘ **T** hat sounds good. Oh... I miss you, Nora,’ she adds with a sigh.

My throat tightens and I purse my lips.

‘ **I** miss you too, I-...’

_...I don’t know how I’ll cope without you._

‘ **I** wish I was there,’ I say instead.

We talk for a few more minutes before she hangs up and I sit back into the couch, staring absently at the TV screen. I end up falling asleep, lulled by the fake laughs echoing in the background.

*

When I wake up, the TV is off and the room is submerged in darkness. I glance at the thick curtains but I don’t remember closing them. After making sure I’m alone in the apartment, I settle at the table with a coffee. It’s five in the morning but I know there’s no way I could go back to sleep now. I start daydreaming and my thoughts slowly drift to the dream I had. _I guess that kind of dreams was bound to happen_. _I haven’t been touched for… years now. And, as evil as he is, the Joker is the closest man I have around me right now. So maybe... my subconscious mind is sending me a desperate call for any sort of physical contact_. I shrug it off with a long sigh. _I shouldn’t even be thinking about that_.

Rose calls me soon after and the feeling of loneliness starts weighing down on me. _Nobody else is going to call me today and there’s nobody to blame but myself._

I grab the opened bottle of whiskey lying on the counter and pour some into a glass.

‘ **T** o me,’ I mumble to myself before taking a sip.

Just as I swallow the burning liquid, there’s a loud knock. I suppress a cough and quickly go to the door. I open it slowly and spot a small gift box on the doormat. Glancing up, I catch a glimpse of a dark-haired man disappearing around the corner and I pick up the box with a sigh. _At least, I know who it’s from_. I rip the green wrapping paper and open the small box with apprehension, half expecting it to explode in my hands. Thankfully, it’s only a knife. _A black pocket knife with a black blade_. I read the small card out loud with a snort.

_Don’t be an easy target,_

_J._

I place the box on the kitchen counter with the knife still inside. _I’m not sure if he somehow remembered my birthday or if his little gift is just a coincidence._ I take the whiskey bottle with me and settle back into the couch.

*

As the sun starts setting, I’m sitting on the windowsill, window wide open and, even though I’m not bothered by the cold, I can feel my body covered in goosebumps. The streetlights turn on and I wipe my blurry eyes with a grunt. _Maybe I shouldn’t have finished that bottle after all._

Just as I get back up, my phone starts ringing. _Private number_.

‘ **Y** eah?’

There’s a short silence before I hear the Joker’s voice on the other end.

‘ **C** ome downstairs.’

He hangs up before I get the chance to say anything and I glance out of the window. There are a few cars parked along the side of the road but I can’t see if there’s anybody in any of them. I change my clothes and brush my teeth, trying to get rid of the smell of alcohol. As I’m putting my shoes on, the phone rings again.

‘ **W** hat?’ I snap impatiently.

‘ **I** f you’re not here in the next two minutes, I’ll come up and drag you back down by the _hair_ ,’ he threatens me in a dry tone.

He hangs up again and a part of me - the part who just downed the whiskey bottle - is tempted to stay on the couch and see what really happens. But I’m pretty sure I’d end up regretting it so I grab my keys and leave the apartment.

As soon as I step outside, the car headlights turn on and I quickly approach the vehicle. I shut the door and shift in my seat, glancing at the Joker. He's staring at me, his head slightly cocked to the side, his jaw clenched. I turn my gaze away with a sigh.

‘ **I** thought you were in a hurry,’ I retort, pointing at the road.

‘ **I** ’m _not_.’

 _Of course, he’s not, he just doesn’t like waiting on anyone_.

‘ **H** appy birthday, Nora,’ he continues in a sing-song voice. ‘Have you had a _nice_ day?’

‘ **N** o.’

‘ **H** mm.’

His eyes flicker over my face and his lips slowly stretch into a smirk.

‘ **I** s that why you’ve been _drinking_?’ he guesses.

I exhale loudly, a bit irritated that he noticed it already, but I don’t say anything. He grunts with a grin and starts the car while I let my head rest against the window. I feel so dizzy that I can’t even look out of the window without feeling nauseous.

It’s only when the car comes to a complete stop that I reopen my eyes. _I have no idea where we are… nor do I care._

‘ **I** have something to take care of, Nora, so be a doll and wait for me on the roof.’

‘ **O** n the roof?’ I repeat, my eyes following his gaze.

I look at the tall disinfected building in front of us and I spot the rusty metal stairs leading to the roof. _Great_. I’m not sure how long I stand there because when I turn around, the Joker has already disappeared.

‘ **O** k, up we go then,’ I mumble to myself with a sigh.

As soon as I’m on the roof, I catch my breath and drop on the floor, resting my back against the vent. My head is spinning and I need to close my eyes for a moment. _Why does he always have to drag me everywhere he goes?_

What feels like an eternity later, I hear the metallic sound of footsteps going up the stairs. _Finally_. I get up, swaying slightly on my feet.

‘ **S** o what’s going on?’ I sigh.

He steps closer to me, his eyes fixed on me.

‘ **I** t’s a surprise,’ he says with a quick nod.

I press my lips together. ‘ **W** hat _surprise_?’

He grins and turns around, searching his pockets. Looking down, I spot a gun tucked in the back of his pants and I don’t know why I have this sudden impulse, but I reach for it. I grab the gun and take a step back, looking at it. The Joker slowly turns around, eyes narrowing.

‘ **I** s it loaded?’ I ask.

His eyes widen a little and he fakes a shocked expression, biting his bottom lip.

‘ **W** hy, are you gonna _shoot_ me?’

‘ **N** o.'

With a quick gesture, I put the gun to my own head, pulling the hammer back. Before he can stop himself, the Joker has already taken a step forward and his jaw clenches violently. My lips slowly curl up. _A genuine reaction, that’s all I wanted._ I chuckle and let my arms drop, before handing him the gun again. He makes a noise halfway between a grunt and a growl but, instead of taking the gun out of my hand, he pulls my wrist towards him, almost making me trip.

‘ **O** h come  _on_ ,’ I retort, a smile still on my lips, trying to get out of his grip. ‘What, you didn’t think it was _funny_?’

I snort again but I try to wipe the smile off my face this time. He snarls theatrically and looks down at me.

‘ **W** as that the, uh... _reaction_ you wanted, hmm?’

I nod, holding his gaze. He lets go of my wrist and snatches the gun out of my hand, before tucking it back in his waistband.

‘ **T** hat’s a _dangerous_ game to play with someone like me, doll.’

I shrug my shoulders and sit back on the floor. I’m not sure what we’re waiting for but his back is turned again so I just look around patiently.

‘ **I** remember this place,’ I say all of a sudden. ‘Yes, we were standing there.’ I point at a spot a few feet away. ‘We jumped and landed in... teddy bears. And then _Batman_ showed up.’

‘ **Y** es,’ the Joker sneers. ‘You left in Batsy’s car, oh, _yes_ , I remember _that_.’

I chuckle at the thought and I’m not sure why I’m still talking, but my mouth doesn't seem to want to stop just now.

‘ **W** ell, you threw one to me before you got caught. I still have it.’

I’m talking to myself now, staring at the floor.

‘ **I** kept it because I… because…’

I frown, suddenly realizing what I’m actually telling him and I leave the sentence hanging in midair.

‘ ** _B_** _ecause_ ,' he continues with a sly smirk, 'you wanted something to remember _me_ by.'

A sudden and awkward feeling twists my stomach and I decide to quickly change the subject before it escalates into something I don’t even want to think about.

‘ **W** hat are we waiting for?’ I sigh.

‘ _ **F** ireworks_.’

He checks the time and slaps his pocket watch shut. He mumbles something and turns towards the building opposite us with a long sigh. I cross my arms over my chest before clearing my throat.

‘ **F** ireworks?’ I repeat.

The Joker smacks his lips and his eyes slowly roll to me.

‘ **T** his is for _you_ , Nora. So why don’t you, uh... do the _honors_?’

He hands me a small homemade device that looks like a detonator.

‘ **N** o, thanks,’ I retort.

He exhales between his teeth, blinking once.

‘ **P** ress the button,’ he hisses and this time I can hear the impatience wrapped around his voice.

' **F** ine.'

I take it from his hands and press the button without thinking. A loud whistling sound resonates in front of me. Another one behind me. _Then, it’s all around me_. I flinch at the sudden, deafening noise, and my eyes widen slowly as I get back up. There’s a loud bang and an explosion of purple sparks illuminates the sky of Gotham. _Fireworks_. The piercing noise seems to echo through my chest and I turn around, realizing that the fireworks are getting lit from different spots all around the city.

‘ _ **T** a-da!_’ The Joker stretches his arms out with a wide grin. ‘Your favorite color.’

I stare at the sky, feeling the air getting warmer. _I love fireworks. Every year, Rose used to drag me to a big fireworks display in a nearby town when I was a teenager. Of course, I didn’t want to go out, so we used to sit in the car and argue the whole way there. But when the fireworks started... we would just shut up. By the time the display was over, we had already forgotten about the argument._

I glance sideways and the Joker is still staring at me as if he was more interested in watching my expression than the sky. I realize my mouth is slightly open so I shake my head in confusion.

‘ **H** ow… How did you do that?’ I ask.

‘ **I** t’s easy, _really_.’

The loud noise echoing all around us seems to have temporarily sobered me up and I can’t keep my eyes off of the fireworks. I know this isn’t some kind of romantic gesture, only another move to confuse me but I can’t help but appreciate it anyway.

It goes on for a few minutes before the fireworks stop, letting a heavy silence settle again. A thick dark purple smoke is floating above the roofs, giving the streets an eerie atmosphere. The Joker lets out a sigh of content before turning to me.

‘ **Y** ou might wanna sit down now.’

I haven’t had the time to ask “why” when an explosion resonates in the building in front of us. A row of windows shatters violently, sending glass flying into the sky and I immediately duck behind the air vent.

Some debris land a few feet away from us on the roof and when I look again, I see the fire already raging inside the building. Still standing, the Joker cackles quietly, eyes reflecting the bright flames.

‘ **T** hat one was just for _me_ ,’ he admits, holding his hand out for me to take it.

He pulls me up and heads directly towards the other staircase. The strong smell of sulfur is floating in the air and I let the Joker guide me down the stairs, trying not to trip over my own feet. My heart is still beating fast and I’m starting to feel dizzy again. Thankfully, he’s too busy finding another car to pay too much attention to me and I just stagger behind him, trying to keep up. I’m too confused to talk and I rest my back against the car he’s currently trying to break into. _Why would he do that for me? It doesn’t make sense...but the Joker isn’t supposed to make sense, is he?_

‘ **T** ick tock, Nora.’

I straighten up and settle in the passenger’s seat while he’s hot-wiring the car.

‘ **T** hank you.’ The words fall out of my mouth before I can stop them.

 _If there’s something he doesn’t deserve to hear from me is those two words._ A part of me hopes he hasn’t heard but he finishes connecting two wires before giving me a quick glance.

‘ **W** ell, anything for _you_ , Nora,’ he replies in a sickly sweet voice.

I close my eyes and rest my head against the window.

________________

We’re back at my apartment quicker than I expected and he hasn’t said a word since we left. _I’m not sure how I feel_. He hoists himself onto the kitchen counter and stares at me, hands folded in front of him.

 _I hate him_.

 _If I repeat it in my head enough times, maybe it’ll become real... but it doesn’t. I just can’t feel it anymore._ I take my shoes and jacket off, gazing into space.

‘ **W** hat is it, Nora?’ he asks lightly.

I can hear the amusement in his voice and I wonder if he can actually guess what I’m thinking. My only response is a cold glare and I hang my jacket without a word.

‘ **Y** ou know,’ he continues, putting his gun down next to him. ‘You can talk to me.’

‘ **Y** ou should be dead,’ I suddenly blurt out.

 _I don’t know exactly why I say it or if I mean it at all, but I know that’s what I should think_. He bites the inside of his cheek, trying not to smile.

‘ **A** nd _yet_ , you can’t kill me.’ He slides off the counter with a loud sigh and starts rolling his sleeves up.

I stand still, not breaking eye contact.

‘ **E** ven after all the _horrible_ things that I’ve done to Gotham...to _you_.’ He stops in front of me with a slight smirk on his lips. ‘I brought you into this, uh, _chaos_. I mean…’ The corners of his lips drop. ‘You must be at least a _little_ bit angry.’

His head jerks slightly and his voice deepens. ‘ **S** o how _angry_ are you exactly?’

There’s a short silence before I take a deep breath. _Maybe he enjoyed my little outburst the other day and wants to see how far he can push me._

‘ **W** hatever you think you’re doing, it’s not working,’ I say flatly.

‘ ** _A_** _hh_ … isn’t it?’ He lowers his head.

My irritation quickly dissipates as he starts leaning towards me slowly, giving me enough time to step back if I wanted to. Something immediately starts twisting my insides and I shove the emotion aside, my eyes drifting away from his. I realize that I can’t take a step back, my body refusing to move away from him so I meet his eyes again.

Without any warning, he backs me up roughly against the wall and I gasp in surprise. The back of my head hits the wall but the shock doesn’t even seem to snap me out of it. I let out a shaky breath but, instead of pushing him away, I stand still. His dry lips trail slowly along my neck, barely brushing my skin as if he was carefully choosing where to leave his mark. My heart is beating uncontrollably fast and I wish I could blame it on the alcohol but I’m not sure it'd be completely honest. He places his hands on either side of my head, trapping me against the wall and I close my eyes, my foggy mind trying to process the situation. _I have to stop him, that’s what any normal person would do_.

Then, the phone rings. The Joker straightens up with an irritated grunt, but as soon as my gaze lands on the phone, he pins my wrists against the wall, leaning his weight against me.

‘ **L** et it ring.’

‘ **I**..It’s probably my aunt. It might be important.’

He doesn’t react to my words, just staring at my throat instead, smudging some of his makeup on my skin with his thumb.

‘ **I** don’t really _care_ , Nora.’

And his mouth returns to the side of my neck, his teeth scraping along my skin. It doesn’t last long though, as a male voice suddenly speaks through the answering machine and he freezes, his scarred lips hovering above my neck.

_' **H** ey, Nora! It’s Pedro. Happy birthday! At least...I think it’s today. Umm… I haven’t heard from you in a while so I was just checking in...’ _

_Oh no._ I hold my breath and the Joker slowly lifts his head up, staring at me. He doesn’t say a word but the more Pedro talks, the tighter his hold.

_'... **O** h, and I wanted to talk to you about the date too. So call me when you can, please. See you!'_

_His wedding... I wish I had replied to his texts now._ I force a cough out nervously, avoiding his gaze.

‘ **Y** ou’re hurting my-...’ the rest of my sentence dies in my throat when I finally meet his eyes.

His gaze is flicking over my face, then staring at my neck and I don't even want to imagine what he's thinking.

‘ **S** o _that_ was your aunt, hmm?’ he asks sarcastically.

I try to wriggle my wrists out of his grip, to remind him that he’s almost crushing my bones, but he doesn’t seem to care.

‘ **H** e’s just… a friend of mine,’ I say carefully. ‘I forgot he had this number.’

‘ **H** m-hm.’ the Joker nods, his jaw clenching and unclenching rapidly. ‘Y’know what? It’s my fault,’ he adds.

I don’t say anything, waiting to see how the situation is going to blow up in my face once again.

‘ **M** aybe you’ve already forgotten,’ he continues, staring at my lips. ‘ _Maybe_ , I haven’t been _clear_ enough. So listen to me _now._ ’ He nods, eyebrows raised. ‘You belong to _me_. And do you know what that means, Nora? That _means_ , no more phone calls, no more messages from your little friend. _Or..._ I’ll find him and cut off all his _little_ fingers, one by one and then, _feed_ them to him.’

He finally lets go of my wrists and I feel the blood rushing to my fingers.

‘ **H** e hasn’t done anything,’ I say weakly.

The Joker stares at me without even blinking and I just wait nervously, not sure if he’s going to laugh or pounce on me. He finally moves away and his expression changes quickly, _too quickly_.

‘ **Y** ou know, _that_ reminds me of something,’ he starts, picking up the phone. ‘I have a phone call to make.’

For a moment, I think he’s calling Pedro back but he starts dialing a number instead, putting the phone on speaker. _I’m confused now_. It rings twice before a male voice answers.

_‘ **W** e’re outside.’_

_Outside what? My apartment?_

‘ **T** hen… _proceed_ ,’ the Joker orders.

There’s a muffled bang on the phone and I hear a distant female voice, but I can’t make out what the voices are saying. My heart jumps when a loud scream echoes on the other end and my mind immediately starts racing. _Why does he want me to hear that?_ The call ends abruptly and I furrow my brows.

‘ **W** hat was that?’ I ask immediately, taking a step towards him.

‘ **T** hat was the reason why I have to leave you so soon tonight.’ He tucks the gun back in his pants and starts to hum, tightening his tie around his neck.

‘ **W** ho was it?’

He stops humming and puts his coat back on, smoothing his hair with his gloved hands.

‘ **B** arbara. _Gordon_. Oh, yes,’ he adds quickly when he sees my expression changing. ‘It’s exactly who you think it is. Gordon’s dear _wife_.’ He pauses and takes a step closer to me. ‘If _Jim_ doesn’t wanna play fair, then why should _I_ , hmm?’

 _Gordon? Where is that coming from?!_ I shake my head, but he places both hands on each side of my face, pressing one thumb over my mouth.

‘ **S** hhh,’ he shushes me, the leather of his glove rubbing against my lips. ‘Your _time_ will come too, Nora. Be _patient_.’

 _Is that a threat?_ I shake my head again in confusion but he’s already walking to the front door.

‘ **W** ait,’ I grip his arm desperately.

He looks down at my hand and raises his eyebrows.

‘ **D** on’t hurt her, please,’ I continue.

He licks his lips and frowns as if I said something offensive.

‘ **I** don’t hurt people unless they _deserve_ it.’

‘ **Y** ou do,’ I retort. ‘All the time.’

My reply brings a smile to his lips and he rolls his eyes, his tongue clicking with a wet sound.

‘ **W** ell then, I guess, I _do_.’

He lets out a loud cackle and slams the door shut. My whole body is trembling and I start pacing around the room, heart pounding. _I would normally sit down and wait until I hear from him again. But not tonight_. I grab the knife from the gift box and shove it into my pocket before slipping out of my apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> (We're about halfway through this second installment now, just so you know!)
> 
> Until next time, stay safe <3


	7. Late night decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm (finally) back with chapter 7, sorry for the long wait... As usual, I hope you enjoy! :)

I stagger down the stairs, zipping up my jacket. _I’m not sure what I’m doing, but I know I can’t just sit down and wait._

Just as I’ve made it to the main entrance, the Joker disappears into a car and I let a long sigh out. _What was I thinking?_ My head starts spinning again and I take a deep breath, shutting my eyes for a few seconds. When I open them, I see a figure crossing the road towards me. I blink a few times.

‘ **G** oing somewhere?’

I relax when I hear a familiar voice. Facing the same direction, Bill stops right next to me and lights his cigarette.

‘ **K** ind of,’ I reply, staring into space.

‘ **W** here?’ he insists, giving me a side glance.

‘ **I** was following him.’ I point vaguely at the road.

Bill’s lips slowly stretch and he lets out a deep chuckle.

‘ **Y** ou were following him,’ he repeats. ‘On foot.’ He looks at my building and back at the road, a brief smile crossing his face. ‘That was the plan?’

‘ **I** know,’ I mumble with a sigh. ‘So what’s going on?’

He nods, taking another long drag on his cigarette before speaking.

‘ **W** alk with me.’

After walking a few minutes in silence, we turn around the corner into a small alleyway leading down to the main street.

‘ **W** hat’s going on with Gordon?’ I finally ask.

Bill shrugs his shoulders but I need answers.

‘ **I** s the Joker going to hurt his wife?’

He stops at the end of the alley and turns towards me.

‘ **I** don’t know, Nora. This is how it works, sometimes he does me a favor so I do him a favor. But he doesn’t share any information with me and I don’t ask questions. I just do whatever I gotta do.’

I sigh, nodding slowly.

‘ **S** o, what’s your _job_ tonight?’ I ask.

‘ **I** have to stay with you until I get a phone call.’

‘ **B** abysitting me again,’ I sigh.

Bill snorts and points at the convenience store just behind us.

‘ **W** ant anything?’

I shake my head and he disappears inside. I drag my feet to a nearby bench and sit with a sigh. _I feel sick to my stomach_. I fiddle with my phone for a few minutes until Bill joins me on the bench, a small bottle of liquor in his hand. He gulps down a few mouthfuls as if it was water and passes the bottle to me.

‘ **N** o.’ I gag when the smell reaches my nose. ‘You plan on driving back?’

He gives me a quick glance and the corner of his mouth stretches.

‘ **I** ’m not getting drunk, Nora, if that’s what you mean.’

It’s my turn to give him a glance but I don’t say anything.

‘ **W** hat’s up?’ he continues, nodding at my hand holding the phone.

I’ve been turning the screen on and off nervously for a few seconds and I sigh loudly.

‘ **I** … I have to tell a friend to stop contacting me or the Joker is going to hurt him,’ I say quickly. ‘But I obviously can’t tell him that…’

I stare at Pedro’s name on the screen and try to find an excuse in my head... _but I feel so bad already._

‘ **C** lose friend?’

The lump in my throat gets bigger and I shake my head.

‘ **N** o, I don’t know him that well, it’s just… he’s the only friend I have right now.’

Before I can react, Bill grabs my phone and springs.

‘ **W** hat are you doing?!’ I jump up but he stops my wrist before I can snatch the phone out of his hand.

Still holding my wrist, he puts a finger on his lips and a smile flickers across his face.

‘ **Y** eah, is this uh…’ Bill looks at the screen again. ‘Pedro?’

‘ **H** ang up!’ I whisper angrily.

He lets go of my wrist and steps away, ignoring my protests.

‘ **I** ’m calling on behalf of Nora. She’s too nice to tell you that herself but I think it’s best if you stop contacting her.’

I hide my face in my hands. _This is embarrassing and unnecessarily cruel_.

‘ **S** ure… Well, I think she just doesn’t like confrontations,’ Bill continues, glancing down at me. ‘But I’ll give her the phone right now and she’ll tell you.’

 _God_. He hands me the phone and I reluctantly take it.

‘ **H** ello?’

‘ **N** ora? Are you ok? What’s going on, I don’t understand?!’

The confusion in his voice is palpable and the guilt slowly tightens my throat.

‘ **I** ’m sorry, Pedro, I should have… I should have told you,’ I start stuttering. ‘You should stop contacting me…’

‘ **A** re you in trouble?!’ his voice interrupts me. ‘This doesn't sound like you. Tell me if he’s making you do that. Just say anything random and I’ll know.’

I let a deep breath out. _This is worse than I imagined._

‘ **I** t’s… It’s nothing like that. Listen, we barely know each other. I appreciate what you’ve done for me, you know as a friend and.. the self-defense classes were really helpful… so I really do appreciate everything,’ I blurt out confusingly. ‘But… you’re gonna be busy with your wedding plans soon, and your fiance and… and me... right now, I don’t have the time to…

‘ **I** understand,’ he cuts me off abruptly.

His tone changes completely and there’s an awkward pause before he continues.

‘ **W** ell, no actually, I don’t, but if that’s what you want then I won’t bother you anymore. You told me once that you wish you had more people around you, but I don’t think you do, Nora. I just wished you had told me earlier, you know, that would have saved me the… embarrassment.’

‘ **I** ’m so sorry, Pedro.’

‘ **I** hope you had a good birthday.’

‘ **I** …’ I start but he hangs up before I can say anything else.

I plopped down on the bench with a sigh. _That was painful._

‘ **T** here you go,’ Bill says, leaning forward, his elbows resting on his lap.

‘ **T** hat was bad.’

I take a deep breath, exhaling loudly. _Pedro was there for me when I came back from Gotham and he always took my defense._

‘ **T** here’s no easy way,’ Bill reassures me with a shrug. ‘Sometimes you just have to rip off the band-aid.’

 _There was no easy way… Maybe it’s true. I can’t put his life in danger anyway_. I sit back with a quiet “hmm” staring at the cigarette smoke floating in front of us.

With a tight throat, I put my phone back in my pocket, trying to push Pedro to the back of my mind. He’s immediately replaced by the thought of Gordon and I start cracking my fingers nervously.

‘ **C** ome on, let’s head back.’ Bill gets up suddenly, throwing the cigarette butt on the floor.

It’s getting pretty cold out here so I just nod and follow behind.

*

‘ **I** should make you wait outside,’ I say as I close the front door.

Bill settles into the couch and chuckles at my words.

‘ **W** ell, _thank you_ , love. Got coffee?’

I nod without a word while he turns the TV on.

We stay silent for a few minutes but new thoughts are swirling around in my head and I can’t get rid of them.

‘ **W** hy is it always _you_?’ I finally ask, leaning against the kitchen counter with one elbow.

He looks up from his phone screen with an eyebrow raised.

‘ **I** ’m listening.’

‘ **W** hy does he always send _you_ to stay with me?’ I continue. ‘Don’t you find it strange?’

I never put too much thought into it until tonight, after his reaction to Pedro’s message. Bill is undeniably handsome and, despite this, the Joker chooses to send him to me, even when it’s not necessary.

‘ **A** s I said, I don’t ask questions,’ he sighs lazily. ‘And I’m not sure what you mean anyway.’

‘ **I** _mean_ ,’ I emphasize impatiently, ‘he made me get rid of a friend because...because he was jealous... I think? But why is he ok with you being around so much?’

‘ **Y** ou find me attractive?’ A grin appears on his face, but I wish he would take what I’m saying seriously.

‘ **S** eriously, I just think it’s… _weird_.’

Bill purses his lips and shrugs his shoulders.

‘ **I** don’t know, Nora, I think you’re reading too much into it. He probably didn’t like your little friend because he can’t keep an eye on him. I’m right here.’

 _The Joker doesn’t trust anybody though_ …but I decide not to insist. I nod absently and pour two cups of coffee, glancing at the clock wall. _11.00_. Something Rose asked suddenly pops in my mind and I decide to take the opportunity while Bill is here.

‘ **I** need a picture of us,’ I say, opening the camera on my phone.

He snorts and flicks through the channels before glancing up at me.

‘ **I** don’t think having a picture of us on your phone is a good idea.’

‘ **I** t’s not for me,’ I retort rapidly. ‘I just need to send one to my aunt.’

‘ **I** n that case…’ He pats the spot next to him on the couch with a smirk.

I put his coffee down on the table and join him on the couch. I force a smile on my face and snap a photo. _We almost look...normal._ I send the picture to Rose and delete it off my phone.

It’s only an hour later that his phone finally rings and my whole body immediately tenses up. Brushing the crisps crumbs off his lap, Bill casually picks up. “Ok” is the only word he says before hanging up and slipping his phone into his pocket. He puts his jacket back on with a sigh and turns towards me.

‘ **L** ooks like you’re coming too.’

‘ **I** ’m coming?!’ I repeat, sliding off the counter.

 _God_. I put my jacket on and head out with him _. I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t know what to expect...All I know is that if he wants me to be there, it’s most likely not good news_.

‘ **M** y car is just down the road,’ Bill says with a nod.

I walk quietly behind him, pulling the zipper up to my chin. _At least, I don’t feel the effects of alcohol anymore... I’m hoping it’s a good thing, but I’m not too sure yet._ I quickly get in the car and shut the door with a shiver.

‘ **A** lright,’ Bill lets out on the exhale. ‘Buckle up.’

He puts on his own seatbelt and turns on the radio. There is a crackle before an old jazz song fills the car. I stare blankly at one of his hands, before focusing on the signet ring he’s wearing on his middle finger. His hand is slightly shaking and his fingers start tapping nervously on the steering wheel. My gaze returns to the road ahead and I shift into the seat. _I’m only hoping that I won’t be witnessing another murder tonight_. _But whatever happens, if there’s anything I can do to help someone tonight, I will. I don’t want to let the guilt slowly eat me up._

After crossing the bridge leading to the Narrows, we drive to a dark and quiet area for another few minutes until he stops the car. There’s a large building on the left that seems to be threatening to collapse any minute. I exhale nervously while undoing my seatbelt. When I don’t see Bill moving, I turn to him with my eyebrows raised.

‘ **A** re we here?’ I ask.

‘ **Y** es, it’s that building there. I’m only dropping you off.’

 _Oh_. My throat tightens even more but I decide to stop being a coward and I exit the car with a quiet “Ok”.

‘ **G** ood luck,’ he adds without conviction.

I nod, unable to speak and, as soon as I slam the door, he reverses and the car disappears down the road.

‘ **O** k,’ I repeat before heading towards the building.

As I get closer to the metallic door, I start hearing voices from the other side. I open the door quietly and freeze in the doorway.

In the middle of the large hall, shoulders rounded, Gordon is kneeling on the concrete floor with his hands tied up behind him. Next to him, a woman is sobbing quietly into her hands, blurting out incomprehensible words. Four masked men are standing behind them, guns in hands. Finally, the Joker is casually walking in front of them, his switchblade in his hand. The door creaks and he stops in his tracks, turning a steely gaze toward me.

‘ **W** ell, _hello_ , beautiful.’ He nods, pointing the blade in my direction. ‘Right on time.’

Gordon lifts his head and one side of his face is covered with bruises. He lets out a discouraged chuckle when he recognizes me.

‘ **H** er too?’

The Joker focuses his attention back on Gordon and he furrows his brows theatrically.

‘ **N** ora? No, no, _no_ , I won’t touch her. She’s just a, uh… _kind_ volunteer! Just like your wife.’

The woman finally raises her head and glares at the Joker with red puffy eyes.

‘ **W** here...are they?’ she almost growls, voice shaking.

 _Where is who?_ Not sure what to do, I’m just standing still, holding my breath. The Joker ignores her and sits on one of the old conveyor belts with a long sigh.

‘ **S** ee, I’ve thought a lot about tonight and…’

‘ **W** here are my babies?!’ the woman repeats louder, getting up slowly.

‘ **B** arbara...,’ Gordon tries to stop her but there’s not much he can do with his hands tied up behind him.

The Joker’s only reaction is an impatient sigh and he steps closer to her without a smile.

‘ ** _I_** _'_ _m_ talking,’ he says pointing the blade towards his own chest.

‘ **D** on’t you lay a hand on her, clown,’ Gordon warns him in a hoarse voice.

The Joker cocks his head to the side and his eyes drift from her to one of his henchmen. He nods quickly and takes a step back, staring down at Gordon. The other man quickly approaches and, without hesitation, he slams the butt of his gun on her head. She cries out in pain and falls to the floor. The Joker cackles and raises his hands up innocently. Glaring back at him, Gordon tries to wriggle himself free.

‘ **Y** ou don’t have to hurt my family. Please, let her go and...let the kids go. You have me, you don’t need to hurt anybody else.’

My heart tightens when I see Gordon’s desperate look. The Joker rolls his eyes and stands closer to me, making my whole body tense up again.

‘ **D** on’t be so boring, _Jim-Jim_. Now that your little bunny is finally, uh, _quiet_ , maybe I can explain the rules.’

There’s a short silence and he waits for Gordon to make eye contact again before continuing.

‘ **A** few hours ago, your precious children were taken from their beds and, uh... _sent_ to two different locations in Gotham. I have instructed the guards to kill them in an hour. Now,’ the Joker pauses, smiling at the flash of fear crossing Gordon’s face. ‘I’m not _that_ cruel. They have a chance to live if someone comes to save them first. That's when your wife and uh, Nora, _here_ , come into… _play_.’ He makes a big gesture with his hands. ‘They can save the kids and bring them back to the GCPD headquarters safe and _sound_.’

 _Where’s the catch?_ I glance at Gordon’s wife, still immobile on the floor. The Joker is looking at me now as if to make sure he has my attention.

‘ **N** ow, the rules are very simple. No public transport, no cars, no, uh... _help_ from anyone. If you break the rules, you _lose_ and everyone, except Gordon, _dies_.’ He pauses to smile pitifully. ‘When the time runs out, they will start shooting.’

My eyes widen. _“They” who?_

‘ **O** h, don’t worry, Nora,’ he says when he sees my expression change. ‘They won’t be shooting at _you_.’

Gordon’s chest heaves and I can’t imagine how helpless he must feel.

‘ **A** lthough, I have bad news for you, Jimmy,’ the Joker continues, the corners of his lips dropping. ‘Barbara just got _disqualified_.’

Gordon sniffles loudly and struggles to push his glasses back up with his shoulder, drops of sweat rolling down his temples.

‘ **W** hat?’ he asks quietly, but he already knows what it means.

My heart stops and the Joker giggles quietly, stepping away from me. He slowly crouches in front of Gordon and sighs with a pitying look.

‘ **W** hich means,’ he drawls, ‘...that you need to look at Nora right now and tell her which one of your kids she’ll be saving _to-night_.’

My stomach drops and Gordon’s lips start shaking, his jaw clenching violently.

‘ **Y** ou sick bastard,’ he says with a shaky voice. ‘How can you expect me to make that choice?!’

‘ **W** ell.’ The Joker gets back up. ‘You don’t _have_ to choose, I can make a phone call right now and…’

‘ **N** o!’ Gordon barks. ‘No... Just…’

His gaze meets mine and he shakes his head, defeatedly.

‘ **J** ust go to the closest one. Please, make sure they…’

His voice breaks but I nod rapidly. _I’ll do my best_. The Joker is in front of me again and he shoves a small piece of paper in my hands. _The locations_.

‘ **C** an I use my phone?’ I ask, avoiding his gaze.

_The fireworks, the explosion... That was all probably a distraction while he lured Gordon somewhere else._

‘ **O** f course, Nora. As long as you don’t _call_ anybody.’

He tucks one strand of hair behind my ear and I do my best to ignore him, while I enter the addresses into my phone.

‘ **Y** ou can’t be serious,’ I start weakly. ‘I can’t walk all the way there...’

His smile disappears and he leans closer to me.

‘ **T** hen you better _run_.’

 _Bastard. I’ll never make it_.

‘ **Y** ou have an hour,’ the Joker continues with a sing-song voice. ‘Starting _now_.’

I glance at Gordon one last time and he gives me a slight nod.

As soon as I’m out, I start the stopwatch on my phone and I run. _Ok,_ _I need to think_. _I obviously can’t make it on foot, so I need to find something else._ The panic is tightening my throat and I can’t fully process the responsibility placed on my shoulders yet.

I jog across the road and head for the main street where a few people are out in front of a night club smoking and drinking. I run past them and hear a guy yelling something at me but I continue running.

I look at my phone. The first address is located in the Narrows, not far, but I’m still wasting time. I glance around, repeating the rules in my head.

 _No public transport, no cars... but he didn’t say anything about bikes_.

My heart jumps when I spot one across the street, leaning against a lamppost. Already out of breath, I head towards it but my hope is short-lived when I see the lock around the back wheel.

‘ **S** hit,’ I whisper and I resume running.

Two cars drive past, rolling down their windows and whistling at me. I swear under my breath with a grimace. _I wish I had more endurance_. Just when my lungs feel like they're about to explode, I spot a bike lying on the sidewalk.

‘ **Y** es, yes, yes!’

I pick it up without hesitation and start pedaling frantically, expecting someone to start yelling at me. Thankfully nobody chases after me and I fly down the road, heart pounding. I’ve already wasted over ten minutes and my throat tightens nervously.

A few minutes later, I finally arrive at the address. I let the bike fall to the floor, heading for the short alleyway.

‘ **H** ello?!’ I shout desperately.

A few feet away, a door slams open and a dark figure comes out. A wave of relief comes over me when I see the clown mask. _I never thought I’d be happy to see one_.

‘ **H** ave you got the kid?’ I ask loudly, not wanting to get any closer. ‘I’m Nor-...’

‘ **I** know who you are.’ He turns around and waves at someone.

A little blonde girl comes out, taking a few reluctant steps forward. _Thank god_. The man disappears back inside and shuts the door without another word.

‘ **H** ey.’ I approach the girl, crouching down to her level.

Her eyes are wide with fear and I can see a few tears rolling down her cheeks.

‘ **Y** ou don’t have to be scared anymore,’ I continue. ‘Your dad sent me to come and get you.’

She nods rapidly and I let out a silent sigh of relief.

‘ **Y** ou’re gonna be ok,’ I continue.

 _I’m not good at comforting people, let alone children_.

As we’re approaching the bike, my heart sinks. _How are we supposed to ride back to the GCPD now?_ I pick up the bike and gesture for her to come closer.

‘ **L** ook, I’m gonna be riding the bike and you just sit on here, ok?’ I try to sound as casual as possible, tapping on the handlebar. ‘Have you ever done that before?’

A smile appears on her face and she nods.

‘ **W** ith my brother, but mommy said it’s too dangerous so we’re not allowed anymore.’

‘ **W** ell… tonight you’re allowed,’ I say precipitately. ‘Hop on.’

As soon as she sits, I look at the time. _It’s already been twenty minutes_. I need to stop thinking about the time and focus on getting there without crashing. _Thank god, it’s late and the traffic is relatively light_. I try to ride as fast as possible, but I can sense the girl growing nervous and she leans slightly back against me. Unfortunately, I can’t slow down and I have nothing reassuring to tell her.

We finally make it downtown but I’m almost too scared to check the time.

‘ **C** an we stop, please?’ she asks, sniffling loudly.

‘ **W** hat’s wrong?’ I ask, glancing around.

The traffic is getting a bit heavier in the city and a few cars start beeping when I ride past them. _It’s too risky now. I can’t have the police stopping us_. I stop pedaling to get on the sidewalk and I slide off the seat. She hops off and I wipe the sweat from my forehead with a sigh. Her nose is bright red and she wipes it with her sleeve.

‘ **I** t’s cold,’ she says weakly.

‘ **I** know, I know,’ I say absently, looking at the screen. ‘We’re almost there.’

I start walking the bike and she follows me with a nod. The GCPD is just around the corner but it doesn’t make me feel any better. _I’m terrified._

‘ **L** et’s race there, ok?’ I ask suddenly. ‘It’s gonna warm us up.’

To my relief, she starts running and I stay slightly behind her, pulling the bike with me. A few minutes later, the GCPD building is finally in sight and when we’re close enough, I stop and crouch in front of her.

‘ **Y** ou see the building here?’ I point at it. ‘You need to wait in there for your mom and dad.’

She hesitates, looking back and forth between me and the building.

‘ **Y** ou’re not coming?’ she asks shyly.

‘ **I** ’m sorry, I can’t. Just get in and tell them who you are.’

She nods and trots across the street, towards the building. Only when she’s safely inside, I turn around and get back on the bike.

 _Fifteen minutes left_.

The lump in my throat gets bigger. _I don't think I can make it to the other one, even with the bike… but I have to try._ I sniffle loudly, zipping down my jacket. Ignoring the pain in my legs, I make my way to the second address. _Time seems to go faster all of a sudden and I wish I could somehow slow it down._

 _Ten minutes_.

I’m heading towards a quiet neighborhood now and the streets are dimly lit. I ride past a large factory, the wind blowing past my ears and I’m too scared to look at the time again.

‘ **S** hit!’ I gasp.

Out of nowhere, a man appears in the road and I barely have the time to hit the brakes to avoid crashing into him. The bike skids and I stop abruptly, my heart beating against my chest.

‘ **W** here are you going, princess?’ The man steps toward me.

Before I can start pedaling again, a large hand tightens around the handlebar and his eyes darken.

‘ **G** et out of my way,’ I snap.

‘ **I** t’s late for a girl like you to be around these parts,’ he insists with a grin.

Without thinking, I whip the knife out of my pocket and point it threateningly towards him.

‘ **I** f you don’t let me go right now, I swear to god, I’ll gut you right here,’ I let out in anger.

My body is buzzing with adrenaline and my hands are shaking _. I have to_ _bluff my way out of this, I can’t be wasting more time_. He takes a step back with a confused look.

‘ **Y** ou’re fucking crazy…’ he starts but I’m already gone.

I let a deep breath out, glancing over my shoulder. The man is walking away, shouting insults.

‘ **C** ome on,’ I whisper to myself.

 _I’m here_. I get off the bike and start running towards the building. As I’m desperately looking for a door, I see a man with his back turned to me… _and a boy sitting on the floor_.

‘ **H** ey!’ I shout unnecessarily loud.

The man turns around slowly, adjusting the clown mask around his head. I don’t even bother acknowledging him, choosing to address the boy directly.

‘ **I** ’m taking you to the police.’ I say, urging him to get up.

The clown doesn’t say anything and starts walking away, tucking his gun in the back of his pants. The boy gives me a confused look, but I don’t have time to explain or try to reassure him.

‘ **W** e have to hurry. Your sister is already waiting for you,’ I blurt out, out of breath.

‘ **O** k.’

To my relief, he doesn’t question it and starts trotting behind me.

‘ **A** re you with the good guys, like...like _Batman_?’ he asks, a glint in his eyes.

_No. I’m just with one of Gotham’s most dangerous criminals._

‘ **U** h, yeah, kind of,’ I reply vaguely. ‘Come on.’

He’s already getting ready to sit on the handlebar and I’m relieved that he’s quickly picking up on what’s happening. At least, he doesn’t seem too traumatized by the whole situation. _Smart kid_.

I take a deep breath and start pedaling again. Thankfully, the adrenaline is giving me a boost of energy and we quickly leave the sketchy neighborhood behind us.

 _Six minutes_.

My whole body is covered in sweat and I try not to let the panic take over. I can’t help glancing around us once in a while and I’m sure we’re being followed but there’s no way for me to go any faster.

‘ **A** re we ok?’ the boy asks in front of me.

‘ **Y** eah, we’re fine,’ I lie.

 _Three minutes_.

I’m panting now and I feel like I’m going to collapse any second. The GCPD headquarters are only a few blocks away though, so I have to keep it up. A police car appears in the distance, driving towards us so I hit the brakes abruptly.

‘ **O** ff, quickly,’ I whisper.

I abandon the bike in the middle of the sidewalk and urge him to start running. I look at the time and my heart stops beating. _It’s been an hour_. I can see the police station at the end of the street and I glance over my shoulder. A black car with tinted windows makes a tight turn into our street, headlights off. _They’re coming for him_. I grab the boy’s wrist and yank him forward, making him gasp in surprise.

‘ **R** un faster, please!’ I shout desperately.

I look behind us again and the car has stopped, the passenger door slowly opening. _Shit_. We run up the stairs leading to the main entrance and I turn around halfway, pushing the boy behind me.

‘ **S** top!’ I shout, raising my hands.

A bald man dressed all in black is standing by the car, his gun already aimed at us. My chest is heaving and I’m wheezing, eyes wide open. An eerie smile stretches the man’s lips and, for one second, I’m convinced he’s gonna shoot us anyway.

‘ **W** e’re here! It’s over!’ I continue, voice shaking. ‘ _Please_.’

Then, the man does something that takes me by surprise. He tucks the gun away and starts clapping slowly, a dark chuckle escaping his lips. The clapping echoes around the empty street and I feel a shiver running down my spine. I let a deep breath out when he finally turns away and disappears back into the car. Frozen to the spot, I look at the black vehicle reversing before speeding off in the distance, leaving a trail of smoke behind.

‘ **W** ho was that?!’ the boy’s panicked voice brings me back to reality.

I turn around, shaking my head.

‘ **I** t doesn’t matter,’ I reply. ‘Get inside now.’

I hear voices on the other side of the door and I quickly go down the stairs, glancing over my shoulder.

‘ **Y** ou’ll be fine now,’ I say before running away.

I hear a weak “thank you” from the distance but I don’t turn around. _I can’t let any police officers see me here_.

I power walk through the streets of Gotham, heart beating fast, head spinning. The skin under my top is damp and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. _I don’t even know where I’m going, but… I’ve done it_. _I saved them_. I keep walking aimlessly until my legs feel like jelly. I make it past a few shops and spot a bus stop in the distance. My legs are about to give out so I head for it without thinking twice.

_I don’t know what’s going to happen to Gordon or his wife but I’ve done my best to protect their kids, at least._

As soon as I sit on the bench, all the stress leaves my body and I lean forward, elbows on my lap. The adrenaline finally fades and I’m left completely empty. Heavy drops of rain start falling, and I stare at the pavement, the peaceful sound surrounding me. For a few minutes, I just sit there quietly, a tear of exhaustion rolling down my cheek.

I barely look up when a car pulls up in front of me. A few seconds later, I hear a window rolling down and I finally glance up. I wipe my eyes and nose, staring at the taxi driver.

‘ **N** ora?’ he asks.

I nod and he continues.

‘ **I** ’m here for you.’

_I shouldn’t be surprised._

‘ **W** here to?’ I ask skeptically.

He reads my address on his GPS and I get up with a sigh. _I’m not going to pretend that I’m not dying to go back home_. I settle into the car and the sudden warmth is a welcome relief from the cold outside. I shut my eyes, replaying the night in my head. _That’s definitely a birthday I’ll remember..._

‘ **W** e’re here,’ the driver says.

I stop daydreaming when I see my apartment building through the window. I assume the driver has already been paid so I get out with a quick “bye”.

As soon as I’ve reached my apartment, I quickly shut the door behind me and I stand there for a few seconds. The Joker’s sitting on my couch, a photo album open on his lap. His eyes slowly roll to me and a grin stretches his lips. _I didn’t expect him to be already here_.

‘ **W** ell, Nora.’ He gets up, tossing the album aside. ‘I’m _impressed_.’

I was so exhausted and relieved to have saved Gordon’s children that I didn’t really feel anything else, but now that the Joker is in front of me... _I’m angry_. He tilts his head to the side and I see a glint of satisfaction in his eyes.

‘ **T** hey were just kids,’ I say, shaking my head. ‘And you put their lives in my hands!’

‘ **Y** es. And you were... _great_.’

I glare at him and I wish he would just wipe the smile off his face.

‘ **H** ow is all this _funny_ to you?!’ I retort.

He steps towards me, his head cocked to the side.

‘ **W** ell, _maybe_ if you…’

The slap cuts him off in the middle of his sentence and I gasp at my own boldness, eyes widening. I take a hesitant step back.

 _I didn’t mean to do that, I really didn’t_. _But, god, it feels good_.

He doesn’t react immediately, but his gaze drifts away, staring above my head. He looks either thoughtful or pissed and his jaw clenches a few times as if he was chewing something. I hope that he’s trying to refrain himself from strangling me there and then and I take another step back. As soon as I move, his eyes dart back to me.

‘ **I** ’m sorry,’ I say quickly. ‘I’m just... tired.’

Not blinking, he takes another step, reaching for my face. To my surprise, he doesn’t slap me back like I expect him to, but only cup my face with both hands. With his thumbs, he pulls the corners of my lips up into a forced smile.

‘ **I** _forgive_ you,’ he says, leaning closer to me.

That’s a lie and I feel like there’s a threat somewhere, hidden in those three words. I nod awkwardly and he turns around me, resting his hands on my shoulders. I flinch when he squeezes them hard and I feel his hot breath down my neck.

‘ **W** hy don’t you, uh… _relax_ now, hmm? Have a bath or go to sleep. It’s awful late, you know.’

 _A hot bath does sound like heaven right now._ I nod absently and he withdraws his hands, walking back to the couch. After grabbing some clean clothes, I see him looking through my album again and I’m tempted to ask what exactly he’s looking at, but I don’t. Instead, I hurry to the bathroom and lock the door behind me.

While the water is running, I sit on the edge of the tub and pull out my phone. I need to know what’s really happening but I don’t want to hear it from him. I scroll rapidly and finally find what I’m looking for. _Gordon and his wife are at the hospital. In stable condition_. I exhale loudly, letting the news sink in.

After checking the water temperature, I quickly take off my clothes and get in the bath with a sigh of relief. I shut my eyes, feeling my tensed body relax. _It sounds almost too good to be true, but everyone is safe tonight_. _I’ll just have to ignore my gut feeling telling me this isn’t over… because I’m too tired to even think about that now._

****

My legs jerk violently and my eyes snap open, a cold feeling against my cheek. The water is up to my chin now and I quickly sit up. _I’ve never fallen asleep in the bath before._ I see a movement out of the corner of my eye and my heart jumps in my chest. I bring my knees to my chest with a gasp, water spilling on the tiled floor.

The Joker is standing in front of the sink, holding a razor close to his chin. He freezes, blade hovering over his skin, and his eyes meet mine in the mirror.

‘ **W** hat are you doing?’ I scrunch up my face.

_Didn’t I lock the door?_

‘ **T** hat’s called uh... _shaving_.’

He flashes me a sly grin and stares back at his reflection. I keep my gaze down for a few seconds, not sure what to do. The tapping sound of the razor against the edge of the sink jerks me back to reality and I clear my throat.

‘ **C** ould you _please_ get out while I get dressed?’ I ask.

The Joker lets a quiet giggle out as if my request was funny.

‘ **U** hh…’ He pauses for a second before tilting his head to the side. ‘ _No_.’

My jaw clenches as I watch him drop the razor in the sink, his other hand reaching for the towel. After wiping his own face with it, he unfolds it and steps closer to the tub, holding it open for me. _Seriously..._ Actively avoiding his gaze, I get up and he wraps the towel around me, eyes glued to mine. I tighten it and grab my clothes as quickly as possible before heading out. I can finally release the breath I’ve been holding and I tiptoe quietly through the living room.

I drop the phone on my bed and put my underwear as fast as I can. Just as my head emerges from the neck hole of my oversized t-shirt, I see the Joker leaning against the doorway, staring at me. And this time, he’s _staring_ all right. _Even with the t-shirt falling over my thighs, I feel almost completely naked._

‘ **S** top doing that,’ I mumble.

He straightens up and walks towards me, a smirk slowly stretching his lips.

‘ **W** hat’s happened to you, hmm?’ he asks, his eyes roaming my face. ‘You start getting, uh, _physical_ and now, what, you’re back in your _shell_?’

His hand reaches up and I instinctively flinch... _which is exactly the reaction he wanted_. He bites his bottom lip, his eyes turning pitiful, a smile tugging at his lips.

‘ **I** ’m not gonna _hit_ you, Nora, but… I _can_ get physical too.’

I nod and take a step back, keeping my gaze down.

‘ **I** ’m really tired,’ I say vaguely.

 _I’m not sure why I say that_. The truth is I can feel that weird attraction to him again and I’m too tired to fight it _._ Unwanted thoughts start to pop in my head and I quickly push past him.

Leaning against the kitchen counter, I let the water run for a few seconds and I glance up at the clock. _It’s almost half past three and I feel like I haven’t slept for two days_.

‘ **C** ome here, Nora.’

 _I knew he wasn’t gonna let me off the hook too easily_. The Joker’s standing a few feet behind me and even in the dim light, I can see a dark glint in his eyes. _Either anger or… lust?_ Barely giving me enough time to move, he approaches me, immediately invading my personal space.

‘ **N** ora, _Nora_. I am _tired_ of, uh... playing cat and mouse with you.’ He grabs the back of my neck roughly. ‘Can you _feel_ what you’re doing to me, hmm?’ He backs me up against the kitchen counter.

His body is pressed against mine and, indeed, I can _feel_ it just fine.

‘ **I** s it frustrating?’ I ask before I can stop myself.

He sneers with a grunt, his tongue slowly running over his teeth. He grinds his hips against mine once, deliberately adding more pressure. I keep a straight face, looking away.

‘ **W** ell, you tell me, doll.’ His gaze shifts to my lips. ‘How are _you_ feeling?’

His hand slowly slides up and he closes his fist, catching a handful of my hair. For once, I don’t think the gesture is meant to scare me, but only to see my reaction to his touch...or how far I’ll let him go. Either way, I don’t move away, holding his gaze almost defiantly.

‘ **F** ine,’ I reply.

Squinting one eye, he looks up and then back down at me.

‘ **I** _believe_ we have something to finish,’ he continues, his tongue flicking across his lips.

That statement alone leaves me slightly light-headed because I know what it implies. He leans slowly closer, his mouth right by my ear and I can hear him chew the inside of his cheek.  
  
' **I** f you want me to do _something_ , Nora...' His voice gets deeper. ‘You can tell me, there is nothing to be _ashamed_ of.’  
  
My mind starts racing and I know this is a bad idea and I’ll probably regret it, but at the same time, it feels like it’s going to happen anyway. _The scariest thought is that I think I’m ok with it_. He glares at me, his eyelids growing heavy and I keep my eyes on his face, swallowing quietly.

‘ **I** don’t think we should…’ I start.

‘ **O** h, I do,’ he cuts me off, nodding rapidly. ‘I _really_ do.’

Getting impatient, he lifts me up with one arm and I instinctively grip his shoulders to keep my balance. He sits me on the wooden side in the living room, pushing my back against the wall. The cold surface against my skin makes me shiver and the reality of what’s about to happen slowly sinks in. _He’s not going to spend any time easing me into this_. His calloused hands resting on my knees, he slowly pulls them apart, immediately claiming the space in between my legs. His warm fingers slide under the waistband of my panties and he pauses there.

‘ **I** need you to say it, Nora.’

I hold my breath, heart beating fast.

‘ **S** ay what?’ I ask in a whisper.

‘ **S** ay _yes,_ and once you do...’ His eyes harden and he shakes his head rapidly. ‘There’s no going back.’

Just as I understand the threat hidden in his words, I decide to stop overthinking it.

' **Y** es.'

As soon as the word escapes my mouth, I feel an unexpected relief wash through me, as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. _Maybe I was making a big deal out of nothing_. He groans and grabs my hips, yanking me closer to the edge, closer to him. _Maybe_.

' **I** s it your last _woord_?'

I nod again. With a snarl, he shoves his hand in his pocket and I see a metallic glint out of the corner of my eye. Without any warning, he stabs a small knife in the wall, inches from my throat.

' **S** tay still,' he drawls, twisting the knife so the blade faces towards me.

A slight fear starts creeping through but I immediately push it aside, not wanting to let it control me again.  
  
' ** _Y_** _ou._..' He goes on, pausing to stab a second knife on the other side, closer to my throat. '...are in _so_ much trouble.'  
  
I can't move too much without risking to cut myself now and I instinctively hold my breath. In one quick motion, he yanks my panties down, tearing the seam in the process.

My whole body tenses in anticipation when his other hand grips my thigh. _I'm not a virgin but I haven’t done anything in so many years, I might as well be._ I hear his zipper and my gaze drifts away. _I can’t believe I’m going through with this._ Before I can evaluate exactly how messed up I am for even wanting this, he’s already pushed himself inside me.

I grasp the edge of the wooden side, biting the inside of my cheek. It hurts, hell, it _burns_ and I can’t help but let out a choked gasp. I know he sees the flash of pain that crosses my face and his hand tightens around my hip. Halfway in, he stops moving and lets out a low grunt, a smirk appearing on his lips.

‘ **U** h… are you _ok_?’ he asks mockingly.

‘ **H** m-hm,’ I grunt.

‘ **Y** ou seem a little... _tensed_.’

 _He’s not gonna make it easy on me_. I bite my lips and try to slightly move my hips away but his fingers immediately dig into my skin. He pulls me back flush against him, ever so slowly, until he’s fully in. I close my eyes for a second, swallowing hard and he chuckles cruelly.

‘ **O** h, you’re not going anywhere _now_ ,’ he says. ‘Look at me.’

 _As if having him inside me didn’t feel intimate enough_. I reluctantly meet his gaze and his jaw clenches in response. His pupils are wide and, no matter how much self-control he has, I can feel his fingers twitching and his breathing is getting heavier.

‘ **N** ext time you try to, uh... _convince_ yourself that you don’t wanna be here, I want you to _remember_ this moment.’ He runs a finger through my hair. ‘How _willing_ you were...’ His eyelids twitch and he leans closer to me, the pressure forcing my eyes shut for a second. ‘And how _good_ it felt.’

Only a small part of me is actually focusing on what he’s saying, but even his words don’t make me feel any different.

‘ **C** an you just…’ I start.

‘ **S** hh,’ he whispers absently.

Thankfully, it seems like he can’t help himself anymore and he finally starts moving.

He’s not gentle, far from it, but the pain disappears quickly and so does the judgy voice in my head. I know his eyes are fixated on me the whole time, but, weirdly, I don’t care.

I don't know how long it lasts. His hand tangled in my hair pinning me to the wall, the vice-like grip around my hip, his heavy breathing, the occasional chuckles he lets out against my skin.

_...until it’s too much for me._

He’s not slowing down though, spreading my thighs even wider. My whole body feels too sensitive now and I tense in response. With that, he comes too and slams his hand against the wall just over my head, growling quietly into my hair.

I let out a deep breath, glancing down at the drop of blood running down one of the blades. As soon as he straightens up, he pulls out the knives, allowing me to move. I immediately slide off the side, the t-shirt falling back over my thighs. My heart is still pounding in my chest but the adrenaline is starting to dissipate. _This is crazy_. He adjusts his collar and his cold eyes rest on mine before drifting down to my neck. He wipes the shallow cut with his thumb, eyes drifting back up.

‘ **I** won’t be  _that_ easy on you, next time,’ he warns me in a low voice.

 _Next time?_ He turns around without another word and I quickly walk to the bathroom. As soon as the door is shut, I lean against the sink, taking a deep breath in.

_What’s wrong with me?_

I glance at my reflection and I expectedly look like a mess. I have a few shallow cuts on one side of my neck, cuts that I couldn’t even feel a minute ago. My hip is still sore and when I lift my t-shirt to look, I see red marks all over my skin.

 _Do I feel bad?_ _Not really_.

I expected the shame and guilt to have caught up with me by now, but, as the adrenaline completely fades, nothing else comes. As wrong as it sounds… _I feel a bit better_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy...  
> Stay safe! <3


	8. Broken Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> I hope you're all doing good! My apologies for the long wait, this chapter took me longer than planned. I fractured my wrist a few weeks ago, so typing is (literally) a pain, but I appreciate your patience! Love you all <3

I wake up with a dry throat and I keep my eyes shut for a few seconds. _I need more time_. I nuzzle my face against the pillow and sigh loudly. A faint smell of sweat reaches my nose and I furrow my brows, blinking a few times. My heart jumps in my chest when I realize that the Joker is lying right next to me, arms crossed behind his head and I instinctively move away from him. Just as images from last night start flashing through my mind, his head lolls lazily to the side and he opens one eye, patting the spot right next to him.

A quick glance at the clock on my bedside table shows me that it’s two o’clock already. _I haven’t slept that much in a long time._

‘ **W** hat are you still doing here?’ I ask, not moving closer.

‘ **Y** ou didn’t think I’d disappear after last night, didcha?’ A false expression of shock appears on his face. ‘I’m not _that_ kind of man.’

Before I can say anything else, there’s a loud knock at the front door and I quickly sit up. The Joker sighs and raises an eyebrow.

‘ **N** ow, _who_ would that be?’ he asks.

‘ **I** don’t know.’

The pain in my legs makes me grimace and I stand up, struggling to put my pants back on. There’s another knock, more insistent this time and I let a deep breath out.

‘ **O** hh,’ I sigh. ‘It’s probably my landlord.’ 

 _I can’t believe I’ve forgotten again, but I still haven’t paid the rent_. The Joker stretches his arms, humming quietly, his eyes following my every moment.

‘ **S** hould I get it ?’ he asks in a sarcastic tone.

I glare at him while tying my hair up.

‘ **P** lease, don’t make a noise,’ I add.

‘ **Y** ou know me. You won’t hear a _peep_.’

I close the door quietly before walking to the front door. I swing it open, a casual expression on my face, although it’s short-lived when I see the two men standing in front of me. My heart skips a beat and I wish I hadn’t opened the door.

‘ **O** fficers,’ I greet them louder than necessary with a forced smile.

Two police officers are standing at my door, staring at me without a smile, thumbs hooked through the belt loops. The first one is tall and blond with a cold expression on his face and I'm relieved to see that the other officer standing behind him is Derren Miles.

‘ **G** ood afternoon, miss Wilde. My name is Jack Heston, this is Derren Miles. We’d like to ask you a few questions if you have a minute,’ the first man says.

 I clear my throat and nod quickly.

‘ **S** ure.’ I lean casually against the doorway.

 _I'm not inviting them in this time, that’s for sure_. I don't miss the quick glance they throw over my shoulder and I smile nervously.

‘ **W** here were you last night?’

I try not to look too fazed by the question and I reply vaguely.

‘ **I** was out. Why?’

‘ **C** an you be a little bit more specific?’ he insists.

Derren is staring at me silently, but, as soon as we make eye contact, he gives me an almost imperceptible shake of his head. _What is that supposed to mean?_

‘ **I** went out for a few drinks. It was my birthday,’ I explain.

Jack stares at me while nodding absently.

‘ **O** k,’ he finally says without conviction. ‘Well, something strange happened last night.’

 _Here we go._ I raise my eyebrows, feigning interest.

‘ **Y** ou’ve met James Gordon, correct?’ He waits for me to nod before continuing. ‘Well, James went back home early last night to celebrate him and his wife’s anniversary. I was hoping for an early night too. Unfortunately, some lunatic started firing fireworks all over the city, even causing a fire in the East End. You must have seen them.’

‘ **O** f course,’ I immediately nod. ‘I was wondering what we were celebrating,’ I add with a nervous chuckle.

‘ **W** ell, nothing,’ he cuts me off. ‘So after we dealt with that, I finally got home, ready to get a well-deserved rest. But then I got a phone call at night… telling me Gordon’s children had both been dropped off at the station.’

I furrow my brows and the lump in my throat gets bigger. _I wish he would just get to the point._

‘ **A** nd then, on the way there, I got _another_ phone call,’ he continues. ‘Gordon and his wife had just been admitted to the hospital. You can imagine how confused I was.’

I quickly nod, trying to keep my composure.

‘ **W** hat happened?’

‘ **I** was hoping you could fill in the blanks for us.’

I give Derren a furtive glance. _I’m not sure if Gordon has already told them the whole story._

‘ **I** ’m not sure I understand,’ I say slowly. ‘Haven't you talked to Gordon yourself?’

Jack gives me a weird look before sighing.

‘ **U** nfortunately, we aren’t able to talk to him yet. But, you see, when I talked to the kids, they both told me the same thing. Scary men wearing clown masks came to their home and took them away.’

There’s a silence and I know he’s waiting for me to ask the obvious question.

‘ **S** o… How did they make it to the police station?’

A large smile stretches Jack’s lips and my heart skips a beat when he points a finger at me.

‘ **A** sking the right questions, I see,’ he comments. ‘Apparently, a mysterious lady rescued them.’

‘ **O** k… Thank God,’ I add after a few seconds.

He scoffs, staring at me with an intense gaze.

‘ **I** don’t think God has anything to do with this, miss Wilde. Can I call you… Nora?’

 _No_. I squint my eyes, biting my tongue.

‘ **S** ure,’ I mumble. ‘Well, I appreciate you telling me that story but I don’t see how I can help.’

Jack’s smile disappears as fast as it came and he clears his throat.

‘ **T** hey described the lady to us,’ he explains. ‘And guess who fits the description?’

I chuckle nervously. _Me, obviously_.

‘ **I** ’m sure I’m not the only one who would fit whatever description they’ve given you.’

‘ **S** omeone who’s been around the Joker so many times and, somehow, still alive? There aren’t so many candidates, Nora,’ he retorts. ‘But anyway, I showed them a picture of you,’ he adds, staring at me intently.

 _Shit_.

‘ **T** hat’s when it gets funny.’ He shakes his head with a smile. ‘The little girl was certain it was you, but her brother assured us that it wasn't.’ He adjusts his belt and purses his lips. ‘And then, she changed her mind too.’

I let a quiet breath out. _Bless that boy_.

‘ **C** onveniently, all the security cameras went down for a few hours last night, so we have nothing on our mysterious savior.’

I nod slowly.

‘ **S** o...What is this about?’ I can’t help but ask. ‘Someone saves some kids and now you’re hunting them down? Shouldn’t you be grateful?’

‘ **O** h, we are,’ he says before stepping closer to me. ‘But I also know when someone’s lying to me.’

My grip tightens around the handle but I don’t react to his comment.

‘ **I** f we’re done here, I’d like to go about my day.’

Jack nods, his gaze fixated on me and I start pushing the door shut.

‘ **O** ne more thing,’ he says, jamming his foot in the door.

His behavior is subtly becoming more hostile and I glance at Derren to see if he intends to step in anytime soon… _Apparently not._

‘ **C** an we come in for a second?’ Jack asks.

I’m about to politely refuse when I hear a thud coming from the bedroom.

‘ **I** don’t see how that’d help,’ I say, keeping a straight face. ‘One of my friends is still here and she’s not feeling well. So, if you don't mind, I'll go now.’

I raise an eyebrow when the officer doesn’t move his foot. _What is he doing?_

‘ **I** s that so?’ he asks absently.

With that, he pushes his way into my apartment and his gaze immediately locks on the black duffel bag sitting in the corner of my living room. 

‘ **H** ey!’ I protest, taking a few steps back. ‘Do you have a warrant?!’

‘ **J** ack,’ Derren warns him, taking a step inside, his eyes quickly roaming the living room.

‘ **B** y the way, how did you get these cuts around your neck?’ Jack asks, turning toward me. ‘You know it's always best to cooperate with the police, right?’

 _Right_. The urge to just shove him out of the apartment is getting stronger but there’s nothing I can do.

‘ **A** nd you know you're breaking the law, _right_?’ I retort with a scowl.

Just as I finish my sentence, the bedroom door opens and the Joker steps out slowly, hands raised, his switchblade pinched between his thumb and forefinger. _What is he doing?_ There’s a loud gasp and both officers draw their weapons almost simultaneously. Once I realize that I’m standing in their way, I quickly back up against the wall.

‘ **T** a-ta-ta, _little_ Jack,’ the Joker waves the blade as if he was reprimanding a kid.

His head tilts to the side and he slowly lowers his hands. Again, I’m amazed at how easily his mere presence can shut anybody up. For a second, they seem to forget that they're holding guns while he only has a knife and they just stare at him slowly approaching.

‘ **O** f all people,’ he continues, shaking his head. ‘I thought that _you_ would know that when a girl says no, it means no. I mean, what kind of man are you, _hmm_?’

‘ **F** reeze, put your hands up!’ Jack finally shouts, coming back to his senses. ‘Drop the knife!’

The Joker stops in his tracks, squinting his eyes.

‘ **U** h… which one _first_?’

Jack's face is getting redder by the minute and his hands start shaking. He throws a sudden glance at me, nodding up.

‘ **Y** ou, hands on the wall!’

 _Oh._ In the confusion, I almost forgot that I’m an accomplice too and I slam my hands on the wall, looking over my shoulder. Derren still hasn’t said a word, but his gun isn’t aimed at the Joker anymore.

‘ **D** rop the knife!’ Jack repeats, pulling out his handcuffs. ‘Get down on the floor.’

In different circumstances, I’d be panicking, probably thinking of arguments I could use to avoid jail time but I can’t take this whole situation seriously. I’m surprised he still hasn’t caught on the change of atmosphere and the fact that Derren isn’t helping him at all. _I almost feel sorry for him_. His order is only met with an impatient sigh from the Joker.

‘ **U** h… _no_ ,’ he grimaces theatrically with his hands still raised. ‘But _you_ will.’

As soon as he says that, Derren whips out his stun gun and holds it against Jack’s back for a few seconds. His body gets stiff and he collapses on the floor, unconscious.

I turn around, slowly processing what just happened and my gaze shifts from the Joker to Derren.

‘ **S** o,’ the Joker starts, adjusting his tie as if nothing happened. ‘Is everything still on, uh… _standby_?'

‘ **Y** es.’ Derren nods. 

I stare at the other officer, wondering how long he’s going to be out for. I notice a wet patch by the crotch area and I avert my gaze, feeling guilty _. Why are they so casual about this?_

‘ **W** hat’s going on?’ I finally ask after clearing my throat.

Without surprise, they ignore my question as if I was invisible.

‘ **W** hat are you gonna do with him?’ I ask louder, stepping away from the wall.

Derren isn’t paying attention, but the Joker’s head slowly turns toward me and he blinks a few times as if he just noticed my presence. 

‘ **W** ell, you tell me, Nora,’ he answers, stepping closer to me. ‘What _should_ we do with him? Any suggestions?’

I flinch when he suddenly wraps his hand around my arm, gripping my other shoulder when I try to move away. His gaze drops to my face and wanders over it.

‘ **I** ’m thinking… police brutality,’ he continues, his eyes drifting over the man on the floor. ‘What if Jack had a short temper and a history of domestic violence, hmm? What if he forced his way into your apartment when you didn't invite him in, grabbing you, _hurting_ you to the point where Derren, here, just _had_ to stop him one way or another? And then… Then what?' He shrugs his shoulders and turns his head towards Derren, not letting go of me.

‘ **S** he presses charges and I file a report.’

The Joker giggles and turns back to me.

‘ **N** ow, we just need, uh… _compelling_ evidence. So, tell me, Nora.’ His grip tightens around my arm until it becomes painful. ‘How easily do you _bruise_?’

His fingers start digging into my skin and I manage to free one of my arms.

‘ **I** ’m not blackmailing a police officer!’ I reply angrily.

He lets go of my other arm and pats me on the head.

‘ **H** ow ‘bout you let the _adults_ talk then, hmm?’

I glare at him, squinting my eyes.

‘ **F** ine,’ I retort. ‘I don’t want to be involved. In fact, I don’t even want to be here. But you’d better be gone when I come back. All three of you,’ I add.

A smirk stretches the Joker’s lips and he nods his head, eyebrows raised.

‘ **O** r what?’ he asks.

‘ **O** r I’ll go straight to the police and tell them where you are and I’ll tell them about you too,’ I add, glancing at Derren.

The Joker chuckles but I see a glint of anger in Derren’s eyes. _Of course, I wouldn't actually have the guts to do it but he must think I do._

‘ **O** r maybe we should get rid of _you_ ,’ he retorts, taking a step towards me.

‘ ** _N_** _o_.’

The Joker's voice sounds deeper than usual, almost more... natural. He shakes his head and closes his eyes for a second with a snarl.

‘ **N** o, no, no, you don't threaten her,' he continues in a sing-song voice.

Derren takes a step back, turning away from me.

‘ **I** f she represents a risk t-...'

‘ **A** _risk_.’ The Joker repeats in a mocking tone. ‘Everything is a risk. Trusting _me_ is a risk. Nora isn't going to spill the beans, no, that was uh… that was a joke! Now her jokes might not be as good as mine, but she _tries_.’

His smile disappears and he steps closer to him.

‘ **S** o whatever she does, whatever she _says_ , you _don’t_ threaten her.’

Derren nods slowly, swallowing his pride.

‘ **G** ot it.’

I take that opportunity to grab my bag on the kitchen counter and leave the place as quickly as possible. Thankfully, I manage to slip out without them talking to me again and I can finally release the breath I've been holding. _I can’t stay in there while a police officer is lying on my floor, unconscious. I don’t even want to know how they’re going to handle the situation. As usual, the least I know, the better._

I push the door open and greet the cold with a sigh. Hopefully, by the time I walk to the bank and back, they’ll be gone and I can pretend nothing happened.

As if it wasn’t cold enough, a light rain starts falling and I put my hood up. I quickly trot across the street to buy a newspaper when I notice a familiar face in the distance. I spin on my heel, adjusting the hood on my head. _Bruce_ _Wayne's butler_. A part of me wants to talk to him, but I don’t want to have to answer the inevitable questions he’ll have. I hate having to lie to people who've been nice to me, even though that's all I seem to be doing lately. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I step away, taking shelter under the roof of a bus stop. _It’s Rose_.

 _Beautiful picture, sweetheart. Give William my best. I’ll call you later if you have a minute. Love you_.

I smile at the comment.

 _Sure, aunty. Talk later_.

I slip the phone back into my pocket and when I’ve made sure that Alfred is gone, I walk back to the kiosk. I grab a newspaper and drop money on the counter.

‘ **K** eep the change,’ I say before walking away.

I turn the first page and start reading.

**_Mysterious Joker attack leaves Gordon in a coma_ **

I quickly look through the article but as I expected, there’s nothing explaining what happened to him.

**_Confused statement from Mrs. Gordon. Was she involved?_ **

The rain gets heavier so I fold the newspaper in half and put it in my bag before it turns to mush in my hands. _Now I know why Gordon hasn't talked yet, but what has the Joker done to him?_

________________

Another twenty minutes later, I arrive at the bank and I push my hood off with a sigh. As usual, of all the available tills, only two are open but I don’t mind today. _I’m trying to kill time anyway_. As I join the line, I slip on the polished floor and barely manage to grab onto an information board before falling over. I curse under my breath while quickly glancing around to see if anyone has noticed. Sure enough, an old lady is standing behind me, shaking her head.

‘ **A** re you ok, dear?’

‘ **Y** ep,’ I let out an embarrassed chuckle. ‘This floor is a hazard.’

‘ **T** his is unacceptable,’ she says, looking around the bank. ‘I nearly slipped myself. I need to have a word with the manager before someone breaks their hip on that thing,’ she adds, already walking away with small, careful steps.

‘ **O** h...ok. Good luck with that,’ I mumble even though she can’t hear me anymore.

I unzip my jacket halfway, already feeling too hot. _Why do they feel the need to have the heating on full blas-..._

‘ **N** ora?’ a voice interrupts my thoughts.

I raise my eyebrows and turn around to see who’s standing behind me. _Karen_. _As in Derren's wife. Derren, who's currently hanging out at my place with the Joker._

‘ **H** ey,’ I say with a forced smile. ‘Long time no see.’

‘ **I** t's a bit hot here, isn’t it?’

She shakes her wet umbrella, spattering water over the poor lady behind her before giving me a pitying look, lips pursed _. Not that face again._

‘ **L** isten, Nora, I’m..,’ she pauses to sigh loudly. ‘I'm sorry. I know I cut off all contact with you, after, well... you know what. But that was wrong of me, I realize it now.’

 _What is she talking about? We barely knew each other_. I stare at her with a blank face and I nod, not sure what to say.

‘ **T** hat’s fine,’ I reply.

‘ **N** o.’ She shakes her head, waving her hand. ‘You didn’t deserve that. The truth is, I was focusing all my attention on Derren, you know. That’s all I’ve ever done since the day we met.’ She scoffs bitterly, looking away. ‘And for what? For him to rip my heart out of my chest and stomp on it!’

 _Oh, god_. There’s an awkward silence before she continues. 

‘ **A** nd you know the best part?’ She shakes her head angrily. ‘All our mutual friends are siding with him now and I’m left alone! _Me_!’ she exclaims loudly and a few heads turn to look at us. ‘Bastard...’ she adds in a whisper.

Just as my mind starts drifting away, I realize she’s staring at me now, waiting for me to say something.

‘ **I** -uh, I’m sorry to hear that,’ I blurt out.

 _Now I know why she’s talking to me_. She runs a hand through her hair and tucks her purse under her arm.

‘ **A** nyway, what about dinner tomorrow night?’ she proposes. ‘I’ve heard about a fancy little restaurant that just opened around the corner.’

 _Not very tempting, considering how our last dinner together ended._ I glance over my shoulder hesitantly. _Three more people in front of me_.

‘ **I** can’t. It’s just… I’ve been very busy lately,’ I start.

‘ **T** hat’s why you need to come,’ she cuts me off. ‘It’s gonna be fun!’

_She’s obviously not taking the hint so I’ll just have to be honest with her._

‘ **L** ook.’ I exhale quietly. ‘We both know that we have nothing in common and I think it’d just be awkward,’ I explain. ‘Maybe it’s best if we leave it at that.’

It came out blunter than I wished but that’s what I think. My reply is like a cold shower and she immediately takes a step back. 

‘ **W** hat, you don’t like me or something?’ she asks.

‘ **I** didn’t say that.’

She screws up her face and shakes her head.

‘ **T** hat's so rude.’

I frown, confused.

‘ **I** don’t mean to be rude, just honest.’

She snorts through her nose and her gaze turns icy.

‘ **Y** ou know what, I just felt sorry for you, ok? But not so much anymore.’ She looks me up and down with disdain. ‘That freak obviously rubbed off on you.’

I let her comment roll off my back and I nod with a smile.

‘ **S** ee, being honest is easier,’ I retort before turning around with a sigh.

I could swear I hear her mumble “weirdo” but I decide to ignore her. _I have enough drama in my life as it is._

Finally, after a few painfully awkward minutes, it’s my turn and I walk up to the counter with relief.

‘ **H** i, how can I help you?’

I give my ID and all the information to the teller and lean on the counter, waiting for her to print the check. Karen is at the other counter, throwing glances in my direction.

‘ **A** ll done,’ the woman says, handing me a receipt. ‘Anything else?’

‘ **C** ould you just tell me how much is in my account?’

‘ **S** ure.’ She looks back at her screen. ‘Your balance is… $245'308.’

I blink a few times, repeating the amount in my head.

‘ **E** xcuse me?’ I ask.

‘ **$** 245’308,’ she repeats flatly.

‘ **N** o.’

The woman shifts in her seat and smiles nervously.

‘ **T** hat’s what the computer says. Would you like me to print your monthly statement so you can go over it yourself?’

‘ **P** lease.’

My heart starts beating fast and my smile disappears slowly.

‘ **I** f you notice any suspicious activity on your account, you need to inform us as soon as possible,’ she adds as she hands me the statement.

I nod and walk away without a word, the next customer almost crashing into me. After taking a seat in the waiting area, I start skimming through the statement. _There's nothing unusual until a few days ago. Two transfers of nearly $60'000 each and two more the next day_. I glance up, staring out the large window. _Of course, he did._

I shove the statement in my bag and walk out the bank.

_________________

I end up sitting in a coffee shop, fingers tapping on the table _. I want to go home but I don’t want to go back too soon either_. Two customers come in and I glance at them while sipping my coffee. _When I was younger, my aunt used to work near my school and every Thursday I’d sit in a small coffee shop until the end of her shift. She’d always give me enough change to order this overly sweet hot chocolate and I’d just sit there, watching people coming in and out, making up stories about them_. I take another sip and look out the window. _I wish I could still do that._

After walking around the whole mall, window shopping and daydreaming, three hours have already passed and I decide to head back. The rain hasn’t stopped and I hurry back home, head bowed down.

When I open my front door, I’m almost surprised to find my living room empty. I shut the door with a sigh, throwing my bag on the couch. 

‘ **W** ell, _look_ who’s back.’

I let out a gasp of surprise when I notice the Joker leaning against the kitchen counter, makeup freshly applied.

‘ **O** h, and, uh, _see_ ,’ he continues, arms outstretched. ‘No dead cop on the floor!’

‘ **D** ead?!’ I let out, horrified.

He licks his lips rapidly and shakes his head, repressing a smile. 

‘ **I** meant, _unconscious_ , of course,’ he rectifies.

 _Of course_. I sigh and rub my forehead for a few seconds, trying to get the image out of my head. He watches me with an amused expression, leaning back against the counter. 

‘ **D** id you transfer money into my account?’ I finally ask, looking back at him.

He barely blinks, his head imperceptibly moving to the side.

‘ **Y** es. Well…’ He looks up for a moment. ‘ _I_ didn’t.’

‘ **W** hy?’ I shake my head in disbelief.

‘ ** _W_** _hy_ ? he repeats, his eyes rolling up. ‘Why _not_?’

‘ **A** re you just making sure that there’s more evidence linking us together? Haven’t you done enough?!’

The Joker giggles as if I had just made a joke.

‘ **A** hh, _doll._..They found your DNA at a crime scene. They have eyewitnesses who saw you with a gun in your hands. It’s only a matter of _time_ before they start their little game of hide-and-seek with you.’ He leans closer to me. ‘They won’t care about the money. Now, stop worrying about everything or you're gonna drive yourself… _crazy_.’

 _Stop worrying?_ A notification on my phone interrupts my thoughts and I glance down at the screen. _New message from Jen._

As the message opens, a video starts downloading. I step away from the Joker and lean on the windowsill. After a few seconds, the video plays automatically and Rose appears on the screen. She’s sitting on a chair, staring right at the camera, a frown wrinkling her forehead.

‘ **I** s it recording?’ she mumbles to herself and the camera shakes as she adjusts it. ‘Oh yes… Hi, honey!’ she says suddenly, a large smile appearing on her face. 

I straighten back up with a smile and turn up the volume on my phone. _She seems well._

‘ **I** hope you’re enjoying yourself wherever you are now, Nora. I think of you every day,’ she continues. ‘I’ve probably told you that a million times already but Jen showed me how to use that camera your dad always carried around, so I’ve been taking pictures and videos of everything. It's becoming quite addictive and I might be driving Jen mad,’ she chuckles. ‘Anyway, I don’t know how much battery I have left on this thing so I won’t ramble for too long. I just wanted to remind you that I am very proud of you, Nora. You’re a strong woman, remember that and I love you with all my heart. Things are not going to be easy for you, I know that, but I know you’ll be just fine.’

Lips pressed together, I nod as if she could see me until she continues.

‘ **I** have to tell you something and there's no easy way to say it so, here we go.’ She takes a deep breath and folds her hands in her lap. ‘Once I'm done recording this video, I’ll give it to Jen who will send it to you… when the time comes.’ She smiles softly. ‘So if you’re watching this now, it means that I’m already _gone_. I’m sorry for leaving you so soon, Nora. If I could do any-…’

 _Gone_. The word echoes in my head and my smile disappears slowly. Her voice starts fading away and my hand holding the phone drops to my side. The video is still playing but I can’t hear it anymore as if I was slowly sliding underwater _._ My stomach churns and my throat tightens painfully. For a few seconds, I simply stare at the raindrops rolling down the window, eyebrows tightening. _1... 2.._.The Joker is right next to me now and I feel my phone sliding out of my hand but I don’t even react. _5…6…_ I keep counting the drops hitting the glass, almost too scared to take my eyes off of them _. Maybe this isn’t real_. My breathing accelerates and a terrifying feeling starts bubbling up inside me.

‘ **N** o, no, no,’ I whisper, shaking my head.

 _I need to leave_. I turn around and head straight for the front door.  
  
As I slide the deadbolt, the Joker’s hand slams against the door and holds it shut.

‘ **N** ot just _yet_.’ He stands right behind me.  
  
‘ **I** have to go, please.’ I say, voice strangled.  
  
His hands wrap around my shoulders and he forces me to face him. Chest heaving, I keep my eyes down and his gaze flicks over my face, head cocked to the side.

Then, realization finally hits me and my heart tightens so much, it feels like it’s about to stop. 

_Rose is dead._

The tears fill my eyes, immediately spilling down my cheeks and I squeeze my eyes shut, a strangled sob erupting from my throat. My legs feel like jelly and I’m pretty sure they’re about to give out. When I start swaying slightly on my feet, the Joker tightens his grip on my shoulders and keeps me upright, his fingers digging into my skin.

‘ **U** p.’

‘ **L** et go,’ I say in a choked voice.

Tears blurring my vision, I look up and he’s still watching me, chewing on his scars.  
  
‘ **I** 'm sorry,’ he says, his face scrunching up.

 _The words sound hollow._ He wipes my nose with his own sleeve before holding his arms out.

‘ **C** ome here.’ He says with a quick motion of his hand.

Without thinking, I take a step forward and lean against him. He gets stiff for a second before wrapping his arms around me. His chin rests on top of my head and I hear a quiet ‘shhh’ whispered in my hair. I start sobbing into his chest and I hold onto him, desperate for comfort. I close my eyes and, without noticing, my grip keeps tightening around him.

But the Joker notices. _Oh, he does… and he loves it._

His eyes droop as the pressure around his chest increases and his scarred lips stretch into a smirk.

_Poor little Nora is all alone now. All alone in this crazy world._

_Ahh._ The way she squeezes him, the fast pounding of her heartbeat, her head going limp against his chest. _She needs him_. _Lucky for her, he has no intention of going anywhere. Not now. Not when she's finally all his._

The fabric is turning damp under my cheek and I realize that I’m hugging him too tightly, almost as if I was trying to squeeze the pain out of my own body. Unfortunately, the feeling only gets worse and my chest is so tight that I feel like I’m suffocating. _What am I doing?_ I quickly step away from him and his gaze comes down to my level. I wipe my nose with my sleeve and take another step back, eyes burning. 

‘ **I** need some, some... air,’ I blurt out, sniffing loudly.

Even though I don’t need his permission, I stand there for a few seconds, waiting for him to say something.

‘ **B** e quick,’ he finally says.

I turn around and leave the apartment without a word. Staggering down the stairs, I struggle to breathe as if someone was sitting on my chest.

_She told me she loved me this morning and all I said was “talk later”._

The rain has stopped and I take a deep breath of the cold air. I start walking aimlessly and I end up in the same park I was the night before with Bill. I sit on a bench, away from the street lights and the tears start rolling again.

' **I** 'm not ready, I'm not...' I whisper weakly _._

 _I’m not ready to be alone_. I lean forward and bury my face in my hands, muffling another wave of sobs.

_It feels like my whole world has crashed down... again._

I sit on that bench for a while, until I’m frozen to the bone. It’s only when my whole body is shaking that I shove my hands in my pockets and head back home. 

Thankfully, I come home to an empty apartment and I go straight to bed. The Joker has left my phone on my bedside table and I unlock the screen to see a few missed calls and texts from Jen. I turn the phone off, dropping it back on the table. _I can’t do this now._

Staring at the dark sky through the window, I lie down, shoulders shaking, my pillow clutched to my chest. And I stay like this until dawn.


	9. Familiar faces

It’s only in the early hours of the morning that I manage to finally fall asleep… only to wake up an hour later, heart pounding. I sit up and look around the room with glassy eyes. My whole body aches and I wish I could go back to sleep until the pain goes away, but it won’t.  _There’s no escaping it_.

After wiping my eyes a few times, I drag myself out of bed, my quilt in one hand, before plopping down on the couch. I’m starting to drift off to sleep when my phone rings again. _Jen_. I know she won’t stop until I pick up and a part of me feels guilty for ignoring her. Tucking the quilt under my arms, I take a deep breath and pick up.

‘ **N** ora?!’ her voice sounds surprised. ‘Oh, sweetie, I’m so glad you took my call, I can’t imagine what you-...’

I stare at the screen, half-listening to what she’s saying, replying only in monosyllables. I don’t want to talk and I wish she could just say she’s sorry and hang up the phone. _I want to be left alone_. A word suddenly makes my heart jump and I slowly sit up.

‘ **W** hat?’ I ask weakly.

There are a few seconds of silence before she talks again.

‘ **T** he funeral, Nora. Everything is being taken care of, but… I need you to tell me you can make it. We can always wait for another week, but we can’t leave it f-...’

Her voice fades away again and I swallow nervously. _The funeral_. Somehow, I hadn’t thought about it and it makes it all too real.

‘ **O** f course,’ I blurt out. ‘Whenever you have it planned, I’ll be there.’

After dropping the phone back on the table, I lie down with a tight throat and close my eyes, but I already know I won’t fall back to sleep. 

______________

Three days later and I’ve barely moved. Face half-buried into the couch, I glance around the living room. The curtains are drawn but a ray of sunlight shines through a small gap, across the room. An empty cereal box is covered with bread crumbs and a few brown apple cores are lying on the table- the only food I could force down my throat. There’s a faint smell of garbage floating in the air but the idea of getting up and taking out the trash seems like an impossible task.

_I haven’t cried today._

I woke up this morning, feeling detached. _It feels like I’m sinking into a hole that I’m not sure I want to get out of._ I gulp down the bottle of water before balancing it on top of the cereal box. 

A second later, my front door opens abruptly and Bill casually strides in. I gasp, hitting my knee on the edge of the table and the door slams shut.

‘ **W** hat the h-...?!’

He interrupts me with a raised finger, pointing at the phone against his ear.

‘ **S** ure,’ he says, sitting on the arm of the couch.

I rub my knee and pull the quilt over my body, eyes staring at the tv screen again. Bill talks for another minute before hanging up with a sigh. An irritating jingle starts playing and he chuckles, bringing a cigarette to his lips.

‘ **Y** our neighbor was coming out,' he explains, lighting the cigarette with one quick move. ‘You should lock your door, by the way.’

' **M** mh,' I grumble, gaze still glued to the screen.

' **W** hat?'

' **N** othing,' I reply dryly. 'Just wondering why you can’t wait and smoke outside,' I add.

I couldn't care less if he smokes here or not but I'd rather steer the conversation away from anything too personal. Squinting his eyes, he takes a drag and exhales slowly, blowing smoke in my direction.

' **T** hought it'd cover the smell,' he retorts, sliding off the arm to settle into the couch.

I raise my eyebrows with a slight nod.

' **Y** ou're more than welcome to take out the trash yourself,' I say, waving toward the open kitchen. ‘You know, on your way _out_.’

He exhales through his nose, a smirk stretching his lips.

‘ **A** nd I thought you'd be happy to see me.’ He sits back, legs crossed.

I mumble a “sure” and start flicking through the channels. Bill shifts on the couch and with an impatient gesture, he snatches the TV remote out of my hand.

‘ **O** k, what’s up?’ he asks, muting the commercials.

I keep my gaze fixed on the screen, biting the inside of my right cheek.

‘ **I** didn’t ask for company.’

He barely blinks, not reacting to what I said.

‘ **D** on’t you have OCD or something?’ he asks. ‘I mean, your place always looks tidy.’

‘ **W** hat? _No_ , that doesn’t mean anything.’

I let a silent breath out, swallowing hard.

‘ **M** y aunt died,’ I finally say in a flat tone.

As expected, being the first time I say it out loud, my throat immediately tightens and I blink a few times, eyes tingling. Bill sighs loudly and leans forward, elbows on his knees.

‘ **R** ose?’

‘ **Y** eah.’

‘ **W** hen?'

‘ **T** hree days ago.’

He nods slowly, his gaze dropping.

‘ **D** amn,' he finally lets out with a sigh. 'I’m sorry.'

I nod without a word and he unmutes the TV before handing me back the remote. After finishing his cigarette in silence, he grinds it against an apple core and I stare absently at the dark ring on the fruit.

‘ **D** id he send you here?’ I ask.

Bill picks up his lighter from the coffee table and stands up with a grunt, shoving it in a pocket.

‘ **I** haven’t heard from him.’

He walks to the kitchen and removes the trash bag from the garbage can with one quick gesture.

‘ **Y** ou don't have to do that.’ I straighten up, pushing the quilt off. ‘I was just-...’

‘ **I** 'll be back later,’ he cuts me off.

He slams the door with his foot, taking the bad smell with him, leaving only a trail of cologne behind. I take a deep breath and fold the quilt in half. _I have to do this._

After turning up the volume on the TV, I start clearing the coffee table and pick up a few empty wrappers lying around. A cold wind is blowing through the open window as I finally make my way to the bathroom.

After the shower, I return to my room and put my pajamas back on, water still dripping down my hair. I push the door and sit on the bed, fiddling with my phone. _I put off watching the end of Rose’s video because it’s the last thing I have of her but I have to do it now._ I press play before I change my mind again.

‘... **I** ’m sorry for leaving you so soon, Nora. If I could do anything to stop this, I would…’

I lie on my side and hold the screen closer to my face, not missing a word.

_______________

The sun peeks out in the afternoon, only to disappear an hour later behind a gray mass of clouds. The living room window is still wide open as a torrential rain falls, water dripping from the window sill onto the floor. 

‘ **N** ora!’

The nightmare dissipates like smoke and I immediately sit up, wiping the drool off my chin.

‘ **S** hit,’ I whisper when I hear the loud sound of the rain hitting the window.

I stagger to the living room, almost slipping on the puddle of water and slam the window shut. I grab a towel in the kitchen and drop it on the floor with a sigh.

‘ **R** eady?’

The voice startles me and I glare at Bill casually sitting on the couch, his feet propped up on the coffee table.

‘ **I** s this becoming a thing?’ I sigh, wiping the water.

‘ **I** knocked,’ he says, shrugging. ‘And I did tell you to lock the door.’

‘ **I** fell asleep.’

‘ **C** ome on.’ He gets up, shoving the pack of cigarettes in his pocket.

I stop wiping the windowsill, glancing over my shoulder with a frown.

‘ **C** ome on what?’

‘ **I** ’m taking you out,’ he explains.

I let a few seconds of silence pass to see if he’s serious and he starts fiddling impatiently with his keys.

‘ **N** o, you’re not,’ I finally reply.

His expression barely changes but he narrows his eyes suspiciously.

‘ **H** ave you gone out today?’

‘ **N** o,’ I reply blankly.

‘ **Y** esterday? The day before?’

I sigh and walk up to the sink to squeeze the water out of the towel. _I know where this is going, but it’s only been a few days._

‘ **I** appreciate your concern but I'm fine, thanks.’

‘ **F** ine.’

He plops down on the couch, his wet boots back on my coffee table and I mentally roll my eyes.

‘ **W** hat are you doing?’ I ask impatiently.

‘ **I** got two hours to kill,’ he replies without lifting his eyes from his phone.

‘ **D** on’t you have any friends?’

‘ **N** o.’

My jaw clenches in frustration and I chew on my lips, looking around.

‘ **W** here?’ I finally let out.

He smiles smugly and removes his feet from the table.

‘ **S** omewhere fun. You can come in your pajamas if you want,’ he adds, giving me a furtive glance, ‘but it’s cold outside.’

I ignore his sarcastic tone and walk back to the bedroom without a word. _I hope his idea of “fun” isn’t a bar or somewhere too crowded._ I put on the first clothes I find and walk up to Bill already waiting for me at the door.

___________________

The ride in the car is silent and I look out the window at the passersby running for shelter or hastily walking under their umbrellas. A part of me would rather be back at home but I know my minds needs a distraction too.

' **D** id I ever tell you about my family?' Bill breaks the silence, glancing sideways at me.

I shake my head and his eyes return to the road.

' **I** was living here with my sister and my parents. Things were always rocky at home. We weren't exactly poor but... Me and my sister, we had to witness a lot of shit happening in the house. When my dad wasn't passed out drunk, he'd just be gambling away all of our money. One day, my mother decided she had enough and she kicked him out.'

He slows down the car and chuckles.

' **W** e didn't hear from him again after that and things finally started to get better. Fast forward a few months and it was Thanksgiving. Probably the first time, we celebrated something without having to deal with our father's drama.'

The light turns green and Bill makes a right turn before continuing.

' **T** hat night, I snuck out to meet some chick from school. I stayed out for a few hours and headed back home.' His jaw tightens and he glances in the mirror. 'I heard the sirens and smelled the smoke before the house was even in view. When I finally arrived, it was like a huge bonfire.'

' **W** hat happened?' I furrow my brows.

' **T** urned out, the old man came over that night. He doused the whole house with petrol, set it alight and just sat in the front yard. By the time, the firefighters were able to make their way inside, they were already dead.' He clears his throat and his fingers tighten around the steering wheel. 'Everyday, I fantasized about all the things I'd do to him, all the ways I’d make him pay... but he ended up being moved to Arkham Asylum and I was never allowed to visit him. After that, I joined the military. It was pretty easy to follow orders and do what they tell you to do without questioning anything. Lasted a few years and then I decided to come back.'

‘ **B** ack to Gotham,’ I whisper.

‘ **Y** es, dear, _fucked-up_ Gotham _._ ’ His smile doesn’t reach his eyes. ‘The most corrupt city in the country.’

‘ **I** 'm sorry about your family,’ I start, shaking my head. ‘I can’t ima-...’

He chuckles, interrupting me mid-sentence, and starts reversing into a parking space.

‘ **I** don't need you to feel sorry for me, Nora. I told you this because, no matter what happens, we all have good memories, hell, even I do, so just… hold on to them.’ He stops the engine and takes off his seatbelt. ‘And you’ll be fine.’

I nod slowly and glance at him. _I'm not sure why he chose to share this with me but I'm glad he did -_ _even though I won't tell him_. As I step out of the car, the rain is still hammering down and we stride across the street, heads down. We walk past a Chinese restaurant and head down a dark alleyway behind the building. When Bill suddenly stops in front of a door, I lift my head and immediately notice the surveillance camera on the wall. He knocks twice and, after a few seconds, there’s a muffled sound and the door unlocks.

' **W** hat is this place?' I whisper.

' **Y** ou don't have to whisper,' he chuckles, pushing the door open.

I follow him through a dark hallway and we go down some stairs. The place feels old, the air is moist and we walk down the second flight of stairs, the old wooden steps creaking under our shoes. We arrive in a large underground hall and my gaze wanders.

 _It’s a shooting range_. Polished concrete walls, four shooting booths and a row of printed targets facing us in the distance.

' **I** s this what you do in your free time?' I ask.

' **A** mong other things,' he says, looking around him absently. 'Wanna try?'

The steps squeak behind us and a man appears, scratching nonchalantly his stubble.

' **W** illiam.' He extends his hand, closing the distance between us. 'I got something for you.'

' **N** ot now,’ Bill interrupts him, shaking his hand.

The man turns his gaze to me with a nod and a sly grin appears on his face.

' **Y** ou brought company this time.' He looks me up and down and squints. 'Not your usual type. I like that. She yours?'

I give him a cold glance and he’s about to step closer to me when Bill clears his throat warningly.

' **N** o, but back off.’

The man stops with a chuckle, holding up his hands.

' **H** ey, no offense, man.'

' **I** t’s _him_ you don’t wanna offend.’

' **W** ho?' the man asks, still staring at me with a smirk.

Bill takes off his coat, revealing a gun tucked into his belt.

' **T** he Clown.'

His reply is like a cold shower and the man immediately takes a step back, smile vanishing.

' **K** eith, this is Nora. Nora, Keith,' Bill continues.

A glint of recognition crosses the man's face and I vaguely nod at him before turning away. Keith mutters a few words to Bill and hands him two pairs of glasses and earmuffs before leaving the room.

' **W** hat was that about?' I ask as soon as he's gone.

' **W** hat?'

' **D** id you see his face when you told him my name?'

Bill chuckles and hands me a pair of glasses and earmuffs.

‘ **I** s it really a surprise? The Joker’s  _entourage_ is quite small, you know. Word gets around pretty fast.'

‘ **G** reat,’ I mumble.

Bill pushes the clip back in, his palm hitting the butt of the gun before taking off the safety catch.

‘ **Y** ou ever shot before?’ He gives me the gun.

I get an immediate flashback and I nod slowly.

‘ **Y** eah.’

He puts the earmuffs on before speaking up.

‘ **F** irm grip. Inhale, pause and shoot. Don’t hold your breath.’

I take a deep breath, following his instructions. When I pull the trigger, the loud sound startles me and my heart rate instinctively picks up.

‘ **G** ood.’ Bill leans against the wall separating us from the other booth and gestures at the target. ‘Do it again.’

I shoot a few more rounds and, for a moment, I forget about the pain. The last bullet hits the target’s head and I unload the empty clip before giving it to Bill. He smirks and reloads it.

‘ **T** hat’s really good.’

As I slide the full clip back in, Keith comes back in the room, short-breathed.

‘ **D** id you tell him to come?!’ he asks Bill, showing the screen of his phone.

I peek at the screen and I see a figure standing outside the building, waving at the security camera. _He’s here._

‘ **Y** ou know I don’t want him here,’ Keith continues angrily.

Bill keeps a straight face and shrugs his shoulders, a cigarette already pinched between his lips.

‘ **W** hy don’t you tell him yourself?’ he asks, searching for his lighter.

As he says that, the steps creak loudly behind us and the Joker appears at the bottom of the stairs. He walks in confidently, smoothing his hair back with one hand.

‘ ** _G_** _ood_ evening,’ he says theatrically.

He immediately approaches Keith, not even glancing at Bill or me.

‘ **K** eith, hm?’ he asks, not even blinking.

They’re the same height but Keith seems to suddenly shrink, intimidated by the Joker’s presence.

‘ **Y** ou know, there’s a lack of, uh… _customer service_ here,’ the Joker continues with a mocking tone. ‘Did you not _see_ me?’

As he asks, his gaze falls on Keith’s phone and a sly smirk stretches his lips. 

‘ **I** … I was just about to come up,’ Keith lies after clearing his throat nervously.

The Joker stares at him for a second, his tongue running over his teeth.

‘ **W** ell, that’s a lie.’ He tilts his head to the side. ‘ _But_. I may have broken your door _sooo_ , let’s call it even, hmm?’ he proposes with a snarl. ‘Although you might wanna take care of that.’

He scrunches his face up but Keith doesn’t react.

‘ **N** ow,’ he adds coldly.

Keith’s body finally decides to move again and he hurries up the stairs without a word. The Joker turns to us.

‘ ** _S_** _o_. It seems like someone's having fun.' He licks his dry lips, walking behind me. 'Did _you_ do that?' he asks, leaning next to me and pointing at the target. 'Or was it you, _Billy boy_?'

‘ **I** t's her,' he confirms, shaking his head.

The Joker stands next to me and takes the gun out of my hand. He looks briefly at it before shoving it back in my hand.

‘ **M** mh.’ 

He starts humming and casually walks toward the target with his back slightly hunched. He stops and stands there for a second, poking one of the holes with a finger. He finally turns around, arms outstretched.

‘ **S** how me.’

He doesn't seem to be moving away from the target and I just shrug my shoulders.

' **A** re you gonna stand there?' I ask.

The Joker sighs and his arms drop lazily.

' **W** ell… _yes_.'

I pull the trigger before I start overthinking and the bullet hits the far right side of the paper, as far away from the target as possible. With a disappointed “tsk”, the Joker shakes his head.

‘ **A** gain,’ he orders. 

He steps closer to the target and my fingers tighten around the weapon. _He's way too close now._

‘ **C** an you…?’ I make a gesture for him to move aside.

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head rapidly.

‘ **W** hy don't you just _pretend_ I’m not here, hmm? Or the idea of hurting me is, uh… _unbearable_?'

I try to reason with myself and shut down that small part of me who’s actually scared to hurt him. I take a deep breath, aiming again. _I could accidentally shoot him but he’s giving me a pass anyway. I should be jumping at the opportunity_.

The gunshot echoes loudly around the room and the Joker jumps aside with a surprised noise. For a second, I think I've shot him and my stomach drops… until he starts cackling loudly again, pointing at the target. _The bullet went right through the center._

' **W** ell, _well._ This is impressive,' he comments, the corners of his lips dropping.

' **I** t's just luck,' I mutter, giving the gun back to Bill.

' **T** hat's not luck anymore, Nora,' Bill says quietly, taking the earmuffs and glasses from me.

The Joker brushes past us and heads toward the stairs with a quiet but clear "follow me". I hesitate for a second, glancing at Bill but he gestures for me to go. _I guess that’s for me_. I follow the Joker up the first flight of stairs until he stops in front of a door that I hadn't noticed before. He opens it and steps in the room as he owns it. It's an office, Keith's presumably and I enter hesitantly. He walks around the room, picking random things up before sitting in the chair with a sigh. He props his feet up on the sturdy desk and looks at me with narrowed eyes.

' **H** ow have you been, Nora?' 

Looking around the room, I notice a lot of strange and definitely illegal things and I have to force my gaze away from the mess to look at him. I don't know if it's a tricky question so I shrug my shoulders and give him the most neutral answer.

' **I** 'm ok.'

He looks at me in silence for a few more seconds, before turning his attention to the desk. He opens the top drawer with a rough pull and picks up an old bag of chips stuffed at the bottom.

' **B** acon and... _pickles_ ,' he reads out loud with a scoff. ‘Interesting.'

He grabs a handful of chips and starts chewing obnoxiously loud which makes me want to shove the whole bag in his mouth. He looks around as if he was looking for something and his gaze returns to me, head cocked to the side.

' **I** s there something you wanna tell me?'

 _Does he already know?_ I bought a plane ticket yesterday, I wouldn't be surprised if he monitored my every move.

' **I** 'm leaving in two days… for the funeral.'

I clear my throat but his expression doesn't change and he's still staring at me, chewing slowly. For once I hold his gaze, waiting for him to say something. He finally licks his lips and blinks once.

' **O** k.' He gets up suddenly.

I narrow my eyes, waiting for the rest but he doesn't add anything. _I expected him to start listing a fair amount of threats so I’m surprised that he has nothing else to say_.

He goes through a pile of papers on the desk while slowly stepping closer to me. He seems to find what he’s looking for and shoves one paper in the inside pocket of his coat. His gaze turns to me and he sneers, one corner of his lips twitching.

' **Y** ou thought I was gonna say no.'

I exhale loudly, giving him a cold glance.

' **I** wasn't asking for your permission.'

He chuckles and nods with his eyebrows raised.

' **O** h, but you were, Nora,' he retorts. 'And I… _appreciate_ that.'

I roll my eyes and turn around but his hand grabs my wrist before I can step away.

' **W** alking away from me already?' he asks in a sing-song voice. 

' **W** hat are we even doing here?' I ask, pulling my wrist out of his grasp.

' **O** h, I'm leaving. And so are you, so...grab your coat.'

I sigh and head back downstairs, leaving him in the office. Bill is leaning against the wall, gaze lost in space, a cigarette dangling from his lips.

' **T** hank you, Bill,' I put my coat back on and shove my hands in the pockets.

' **A** nytime. You know you’ve got potential, Nora,' he adds before blowing a cloud of cigarette smoke in front of him.

' **R** ight,' I reply sarcastically. ‘See you around.’

I catch up with the Joker upstairs and he hums absently, the bag of chips still in his hands.

' **W** ho wouldn't drop their _girl_ back home, safe and sound anyway, hmm?' he continues.

' **I** was fine,' I retort coldly.

He grunts and pushes the heavy door open, almost knocking Keith out. The man straightens back up, avoiding our gazes and I feel a pang of pity when I notice the broken door handle in his hand. 

I turn my head and follow the Joker down the alleyway to a white van parked on the sidewalk.

As I'm about to open the passenger door, the Joker bumps into me, blocking the way. He just stares at me and lifts his elbows.

' **W** hat are you doing?'

' **I** n my pocket. The _keys_ , Nora,' he adds impatiently.

' **G** et them yourself.'

He shakes his head frenetically.

' **W** ouldn't want to put crumbs all over my suit,' he retorts with a grimace.

_Is he serious?_

' **I** can see worse things than crumbs on your suit from where I’m standing.'

He scrunches up his face and shoots me an amused look.

' ** _O_** _uch_.'

I want to add something about his stupid chips too but I bite my tongue and slip my fingers in his right pocket instead, searching for the car keys.

' **C** ome on, Nora,' he says mockingly. 'I have _deep_ pockets.'

I shove my whole hand in the pocket but withdraw it rapidly when I realize what I'm touching through the fabric. _And it's definitely not the keys_.

' _ **O** ops_. Wrong pocket,' he adds with a sly smirk.

' **H** ow old are you,' I mumble, rolling my eyes.

I grab the keys in his left pocket and hold them up for him but he turns around without taking them.

' **Y** ou're driving.'

I shake my head with a sigh of exasperation.

' **I** 'm not…'

I don't finish my sentence, but I let out a few curse words as I climb in the driver's seat.

' **L** anguage, Nora. _Jeez_.' He gives me a look of disapproval and sits next to me. 'You know, my father would have shoved a bar of soap in your mouth until it _bubbled_ out of your nose.'

He cackles loudly when he sees my expression and throws the empty bag of chips out the window.

' **I** f I’m the one driving, then why do I even need you?' I can't help but ask.

His head drops to the side and his eyes roll to me.

' **D** o you _know_ the way back?'

' **K** ind of… No,’ I admit.

' **W** ell… I _do_.'

I push the key in the ignition and turn on the headlights with a sigh before pulling out. 

My hands are wrapped tightly around the steering wheel but, strangely, the initial anxiety has already faded away. _I’m not scared anymore_. 

‘ **R** ight turn here.’

I follow the Joker’s directions, deep in thought. I would have normally been terrified to find myself behind the wheel again but I don’t feel anything. _My mind feels almost blank_. I cruise past an intersection with a sigh and the Joker chuckles, glancing at me. 

‘ **W** hat?’ I snap, irritated.

He cracks his neck with a smirk and takes his time answering, his tongue poking at the scars.

‘ **D** id you see the pretty little _lights_ along the road, doll?’ He asks me in a mocking tone. ‘Well, you're supposed to stop when it's red.’

‘ **W** hat?’ I glance in the mirror. ‘No, it wasn’t red,' I retort coldly. 'And it's not like I’m not already breaking the law anyway.’

The truth is I didn’t notice any red light at all and I’m lucky that the traffic is light in this part of the city.

' **Y** ou know,' he starts again, breaking the silence, 'I always wondered if a woman could really talk her way out of a ticket. I mean…' He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. 'Money, threats, I get that, but what… _looks_?' His face twists into a grimace. 'How does that work exactly?'

I scrunch up my face and shrug my shoulders.

' **I** don't know… and I don't really care,' I retort.

The Joker grunts something in between an " _ah_ " and a " _mmm_ " and undoes his seatbelt, smacking his lips. 

' ** _W_** _ell_ … Time to put that theory into practice.'

He climbs over the seat and lands at the back of the van with a thump.

' **W** h-...'

A blue light flashes in the mirror and the sound of a siren interrupts me.

' **F** uck,' I let out nervously, my eyes bouncing back to the road in front of me. 'What do I do?'

' **W** ell, I _believe_ , if you don't stop the car, they _will_ chase us.'

 _I can't even get mad at him, it's my fault. I shouldn't have agreed to drive in the first place._ My fragile confidence is suddenly shattered and my heart starts pounding in my chest. _I have to stop the car_. I slow down and pull over, hands shaking.

As the car comes to a complete stop and the engine turns off, I freeze in my seat, hands still holding the wheel tightly. My eyes are glued to the rear-view mirror and I can see the officer stepping out of his vehicle. He adjusts his hat and belt and walks slowly towards the van. The time seems to move in slow motion and I gaze into space with a tight throat. There's a knock at the window and I quickly roll it down with a smile.

' **I** s there something wrong?'

' **Y** ou jumped a red light, a couple of blocks back,' he says in a neutral voice. 'Didn't notice?'

I'm not sure which answer is best at this point, so I just frown, avoiding his gaze. Any minute now, he could turn on his torchlight and shine it into the van. 

' **I** 'm… I'm sorry,' I blurt out. 'I-I…'

' **Y** ou ok, ma'am?'

My mind goes blank again and my eyes start filling with tears.

' **I** saw the red light but there wasn't any car and I know it's incredibly stupid and dangerous but… I need to get to the hospital as soon as possible. It's my mom, she fell down the stairs and she still hasn't woken up...and...and…'

' **O** k, deep breath,' the officer cuts me off calmly. 'Let me see your driver’s license and registration, first.'

I swallow hard and nod slowly. Simultaneously, static begins to crackle from the officer’s radio and a female voice speaks rapidly. I listen to the hit-and-run report as I pop the glove compartment open.

The man glances at me before tilting his head to the side, bringing the radio close to his lips. After answering, he points a finger at me.

' **I** 'll let this one slide, but drive carefully. Best of luck to your mother.'

I nod and watch the officer running back to his car as I slowly close the empty glove compartment. The car makes a sharp turn in the opposite direction, sirens blaring. I let a quiet breath out and turns the key in the ignition _. I can't believe how lucky I was_. The Joker slides back in the passenger seat, his head already turned toward me.

' **W** ell done.' He adjusts his suit and settles comfortably into the seat. 'I am _almost_ turned on, Nora.'

He cackles quietly but I ignore the comment and resume driving. This time, my whole body is tensed and I'm too focused on the road to pay too much attention to what he says.

I let a deep breath out when I finally pull up in front of my apartment building. _I just want to go back to bed._

' **D** oll.'

The Joker's gloved hand wraps around my arm as I'm about to step out of the car. There's no trace of a smile on his painted face anymore.

' **I** expect you to be on your best behavior,' he says.

With that, he lets go of my arm and I quickly jump out. He immediately settles into the driver’s seat and slams the door shut. I walk up the steps and the van disappears down the road, tires screeching. A chill runs down my spine as I enter the code and I glance over my shoulder, almost expecting someone to be staring at me from across the street. Everything is strangely quiet and the silence makes me even more nervous. I quickly enter the building, making sure the door shuts behind me.

As soon as I'm in my apartment, I lock the door and draw all the curtains and the feeling of being watched finally starts to disappear. 

*

The next day, my anxiety levels have gone through the roof and I spend hours sitting on my bed, panicking about the next day. I finally reach under the bed with one hand and pull my suitcase out. _I'm leaving early in the morning and I make a mental note to book a taxi in advance._

As I open the small suitcase, a thought suddenly hits me. _I have nothing to wear for the funeral_. I was so focused on how the ceremony would go that I forgot about my outfit. _I can't be seen wearing a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt at her funeral._

' **S** hit,' I whisper.

_I guess it’s time to go shopping._

______________

It’s the middle of the afternoon when I finally make my way back home with a new outfit that I already hate. 

I don't want to think too much about tomorrow, but the thoughts are swirling around my head and my stomach is already in knots. _I don't want to go- that thought alone overwhelms me with guilt- and I wish I could just fast forward to the..._

' **H** ey… HEY!'

My head snaps up and I realize that I'm crossing the road without looking. I freeze and, for half a second, my body refuses to move. A hand wraps around my upper arm and pulls me back strongly. The sudden grip and the loud beeping sound jerk me back to reality and I stumble backward. Heart suddenly pumping, I feel light-headed and I close my eyes for a second.

‘ **N** ora?’

 _What?_ I look up and slowly process the familiar face in front of me. Before I can say anything, I see the angry driver from the corner of my eye, opening his door and jumping out of his car.

‘ **W** hat the fuck are you doing, walking into traffic like that?!' he starts spatting angrily. ‘You stup-...’

The rest of the sentence dies in his throat and his expression changes immediately, eyebrows widening a little.

‘ **O** h. Mr… Mr. Wayne, I-I didn’t realize…’

Bruce glares at him with a frown.

‘ **G** et back in your car,’ he says coldly.

The man obeys and hastily pulls out into traffic.

‘ **B** ruce,’ I blurt out, surprised.

He turns his gaze from the cars to meet mine and his expression softens.

‘ **A** re you ok?’ he asks. ‘You're the last person I was expecting to see.’

I chuckle nervously, throat tight.

‘ **W** eird coincidence, right? Thanks by the way,’ I add, pointing at the road. ‘I was completely distracted.’

His lips tighten in a thin line and he nods slowly.

‘ **N** eed a ride?’ He gestures at his car parked along the road, a few feet away.

I look hesitantly over my shoulder and back at his car.

‘ **S** ure,’ I finally say. ‘Thanks.’

I follow him, legs still shaking. I try not to look too relieved when I sink into the leather seat and I undo a button of my coat, placing the bag down between my feet. 

' **I** didn't think I'd ever see you again,' Bruce says, placing a hand on the steering wheel. 'How are you doing?'

' **I** 'm ok,' I lie with a nod.

He glances at me and turns the key in the ignition.

' **S** eatbelt,' he says in a mechanical voice. 'Are you sure?'

I fasten my seatbelt and purse my lips.

' **W** ell… I don’t know if you remember my aunt. I think you met her once?'

' **O** f course. As I recall, she had a brief but interesting conversation with Alfred,' he chuckles.

A faint smile lifts the corner of my lips but it quickly fades away.

' **S** he died last week.'

Bruce's jaw clenches and I turn my head to look outside the window.

' **I** 'm so sorry,' he says with a deep voice.

' **T** hank you. The funeral is tomorrow and I only realized I didn't have an appropriate outfit today, so…'

I let my sentence hanging in midair, I'm not even sure why I felt the need to go into details. I turn my attention to a group of protesters standing in front of Gotham City Courthouse, waving handwritten signs.

' **A** re you going there by yourself?'

' **Y** eah.'

The engine purrs smoothly as the traffic starts moving again. I'm grateful that Bruce doesn't feel the need to fill the silence with small talk but a question immediately pops in my head as the streets become more familiar.

' **D** id I give you my address?'

He glances at me with an expressionless face for a second before looking back at the road.

' **1** 3 Hall Street, right?'

_Oh. I obviously did._

' **I** t's ok, you have a lot on your mind,' he continues when he sees my confused expression.

I nod and look back out of the window. _There's my street_.

' **Y** ou can pull up here,' I gesture at the empty space in front of my building. 'Thanks.'

He brings the car to a complete stop before pulling his wallet out of his pocket.

' **I** f you need anything,' he starts scribbling down a number at the back of his business card. 'Just call me. _Anytime_.'

_______________

That night, I'm in bed by nine o'clock as I'll have to wake up in a few hours and make my way to the airport. I managed to eat half a sandwich - I know I won't be able to eat the next day - but, unfortunately, I can't force myself to sleep. I toss and turn, staring at the ceiling when a knock interrupts my thoughts. I glance at the clock again. _9.30_. 

I step out of bed and cross the living room barefoot, trying to flatten my hair with one hand. Through the peephole, I see a short man with a blue cap on and I sigh, hand frozen on the handle.

' **W** ho is it?' I ask, annoyed.

' **L** etter for Miss Wilde.'

' **O** f course,' I mutter under my breath.

I leave the chain lock on and open the door, staring at the man through the gap.

' **H** i!' he says enthusiastically. 'And that's for you,' he adds, handing me an envelope. 'Have a good night.'

I grunt a half-hearted reply and shut the door. After quickly ripping the envelope open, I sit on my bed and read the small handwritten note.

 

**Found this in my car, I believe it's yours.**

**Best of luck for tomorrow,**

**Bruce**

 

**PS: If you need anything, you have my number.**

 

I frown and pick up the envelope again. A necklace falls out and I immediately recognize the gift my aunt gave me when I was younger. It's a silver rose necklace that I had left in a box for over ten years, too scared to lose it at the time. I found it two days ago and it almost felt wrong not to wear it. _Although, I probably shouldn't, considering I've already lost it once._ I drop it on my nightstand and lie back down, leaving the light on.

I stay immobile for a few long minutes, before rolling onto my side, reaching for my cell phone. I fiddle with it, deep in thought before tapping hesitantly on the screen. _I need to talk to someone_. I press the call button and cradle the phone to my shoulder. The male voice almost instantly picks up, taking me by surprise. I suppress the instinctive urge to hang up and I clear my throat loudly.

' **H** ey. Umm, it's Nora,' I start nervously. ‘Sorry to bother you…'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Until next time... Stay safe <3


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